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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

All a bit complicated

243 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:36

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing now, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little to them?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/12/2010 18:42

So sorry that you're mum and dad died first of all...

Did they have birth children? Were they left anything? Do you know what happened to their assets? Have you seen a copy of the will?

No real advice or knowing where to start; sorry...

CarGirl · 29/12/2010 18:43

If you were legally adopted and your parents died without a will then you should have inherited.

If they wrote a will and you were left nothing then as a dependent at the time of their death you would have been able to contest it and claim on it I believe.

I would want to find a copy of the will tbh, I wonder if someone didn't deal with it all correctly???

Very sorry to read about your loss Sad, I remember the Zeebrugge disaster, it was horrific.

CarGirl · 29/12/2010 18:43

I think there is somewhere you can get copy of past wills from, don't know where though.

CarGirl · 29/12/2010 18:46

Copies of wills and grants of probate are now found at the Probate Department of the Principal registry of Family Division, First Avenue House, 42-49 High Holborn, London WC1 6NP; phone: 020 7947 6939.

It holds copies of wills dating back to 1858, so there should be no difficulty in obtaining a copy of your husband's. to complete a search, all you need is the person's name, address and date of death.

If you go in person, the search is free, but a copy of the will costs £5.

There are regional probate registries holding records going back 50 years, but I'm afraid the nearest to you is in Bristol.

An alternative is to do it all by post via the York Sub-registry (Postal Searches & Copies Dept.) 1st Floor, Castle Chambers, Clifford Street, York YO1 9RG. Again, the cost is £5, with cheques payable to HMCS. It takes about 21 days.

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 20:22

I was certainly legally adopted as I have all the paperwork somewhere. I don't know about the will. I was only 16 at the time and had lost my Mum and Dad but I don't remember anybody saying anything about one and I certainly never went to a reading like on TV.

I've always assumed until last week that I was entitled to nothing and so got nothing. Now I don't know what to think.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/12/2010 20:25

As you were under 18, from my quick google, you and any other children should have inherited. Sounds like someone was the trustee but never told you that they were - what has happened to the house, sounds like it should really be yours......

Lilka · 29/12/2010 21:06

I'm not that ofay with legal matters, but I am under the impression that if parents die without a will, then the children automatically inherit from them. If you are adopted then it is just the same as if they gave birth to you, unless they are passing down titles and/or estates connected to those titles in which case only birth children inherit. Your parents may well have appointed a trustee because you were a minor if they did make a will in the first place, and they should look after the money until the child turns 18. Something does sound a bit odd - if there was a will you should have heard about it, if not you should have inherited something. I'd try to finda copy of it if possible and go from there

hester · 29/12/2010 22:21

This does sound very strange, and I think you should investigate it. The alternative is to go through life thinking your parents didn't truly love you as their child, which is terrible. Good luck.

zeebrugge · 30/12/2010 11:20

This is what I have managed to find out.

I was legally adopted and I have all the papers. They had no other children which is why I think they adopted me.

After they died I went into short term foster care to finish the school year. I can just about remember the social worker and another man coming to the school and the Head Master witnessing my signature on some papers. This might have been about June 1987.

That summer I moved to long term foster care in a different town. I think my aunt and uncle arranged this because my foster Mum knew them from somewhere. In those days foster carers didn't get paid very much and I had to give half of my wages towards my keep. There were 3 of us there and if we misbehaved a thin twig across the back of the leg put us right! I stayed there until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I have looked through my address book and my aunt and uncle have had several spells of living where I used to live. The last time I was in touch, two Christmases ago they were living there.

I will send off for a copy of the two wills and see what happens. I have also sent a letter to my aunt and uncle.

OP posts:
eviscerateyourmemory · 30/12/2010 11:35

If you havent actually posted the letter to your aunt and uncle it might be worth holding off on that until you know what the wills actually say, and have obtained legal advise if needed.

Sorry that you are having to go through this.

Al1son · 30/12/2010 11:59

I think you need to get some professional legal advice. You can find out if you are entitled to legal aid here.

I wouldn't do anything else until you've spoken to a professional.

Also have a think about what a can of worms you may be opening. It doesn't sound like your adoptive family have been very fair to you but do you want to enter into a long legal battle with them? I'm not saying don't do it (I think I probably would) just make sure you're ready for a lot of stress and heartache.

I would also say that you not having inherited does not mean that you meant very little to your parents. I'm sure there are thousands of parents in this country who love their children very much but have not got around to making provision for them in their wills. They may well have assumed that you would inherit automatically and that your remaining family would treat you fairly.

I hope you get a good resolution to all of this.

maryz · 30/12/2010 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

legaleagle2 · 31/12/2010 15:09

NAME CHANGED

In the 1980?s it would not have been legal for a child to be left destitute or homeless by intention or oversight when both parents are killed.

It was and still is quite usual to include a "disaster clause" in a will where some nominated person takes on the responsbility of bringing up the child to the age of 18 sometimes in exchange for money, sometimes not. It looks as if there was no such clause here. Readers might care to act on this today.

I agree that the local authority should have protected the OP?s financial interests. It might be that the local authority felt they had discharged their duty, either because that was really the case or because they were misled. If there is blame to be distributed they will certainly claim the later I am afraid to say.

There seem to be some points of substance not picked up elsewhere. The second foster home for example was, I believe, acting illegally in demanding money from the OP and might well have been in breach of LA guidelines in using corporal punishment. I am also intrigued by the role of the aunt and uncle who prima facie appear to have appropriated a major part of the estate.

There are any number of intriging possibilities here and I wish the OP well.

innerstrength · 31/12/2010 22:13

Yes I agree this does not sound right at all that you were having to give money to your "foster parents" for your keep. Definitely something very not right here. Good Luck - you deserve some answers here.

legaleagle2 · 01/01/2011 10:32

I am hoping for some collective wisdom on this case which is somewhat praying on my mind despite the New Year celebrations. I hope both lay readers and any professional colleagues here agree that dis-entangling all these matters is going to be something of a Gordian Knot.

However it does occur to me that there could be grounds for a complaint to the police? Obviously this depends on what a detailed examination of the available documentation reveals and I am not over optimistic about either the quality or quantity of the material the OP might be able to gain access to. But I digress. Obtaining money/property by decception comes to mind. The CPS might also take a dim view if, for example, the aunt and uncle accepted money, perhaps via a conditional bequest, to raise the OP and then promptly "dumped" her into an abusive "foster home".

I have been pondering on this second foster home. Having the OP moved to a town some distance away would greatly reduce the chance of the OP discovering that her Aunt and Uncle had moved into her family home. Even a teenager, no offence intended to the OP, would think this was very strange and might well complain. At a distance the child would be far less likely to find out exactly what was going on and they would be most unlikely to visit without an invitation. An invitation that I assume OP was never forthcoming?

Why did the ?evil? aunt and uncle not sell the house to eliminate this problem? Because they couldn?t. They were not the legal owners and would not have had any of the required documentation. I wonder if we will find that they sold their own house, quite legally, and then just moved into the OP?s house?

maryz · 01/01/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeyflippers · 01/01/2011 11:54

I really hope you get to the bottom of this as I can't imagine that your adoptive parents (who would of had to go through so much to get you) would have then cut you out of their will! Doesn't seem likely at all!

Do you know how to go about getting a copy of the will? I wouldn't have a clue but hopefully someone on here will.

RantyMcRantpants · 01/01/2011 12:56

Crumbs I really hope that you can find out what has happened here as there does seem to be alot of irregularity. Another thought struck me while reading but weren' t families of the disaster victims compensated in some way?

zeebrugge · 01/01/2011 14:09

I was waiting until I had more to say.

The fist short term home was OK. I was encouraged to talk about my Mum and Dad and my feelings. I still went to my old school and had my friends. I knew it was only short term but I thought it was funny that Aunt and Uncle never visited.

The second home as I said was horrid. I had to cry in secret and I got hit for all sorts of silly things. I a bit think that taking half my wages was like stealing from me. Aunt and Uncle didn't visit but the lady who ran it did know them I'm sure.

OP posts:
LittleYellowTeapot · 01/01/2011 14:26

Is it possible that your aunt and uncle arranged your foster placement themselves I wonder?

I hope that you can untangle this mystery. It certainly doesn't seem right - I'm certain your parents would not have intended to leave you with nothing. Good luck.

maryz · 01/01/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofloads · 01/01/2011 16:09

Goodness this sounds awful.

Would SS have put a orphaned child into foster care without investigating why family couldn't look after her?.

zeebrugge do you remember Sws ever visiting you in the home. It sounds to me as though this could have been a private arrangement with your aunt and uncle. I don't think these people were approved foster carers.
I also think there would have been some sort of financial compensation to families of victims.
I really hope you sort this out. I agree you should get legal advice asap. Police should also be involved.

Good luck, and I know it was a long time ago but so sorry about your parents.

PinkElephantsOnParade · 01/01/2011 16:29

Definitely dodgy. As an adopted child you had exactly the same legal rights as natural children, including the lion's share of your parwents assets on their death if there is no will. Even if there was a will which you were left out of you would have been able to contest it as dependants are legally entitled to a share of the estate.

It sounds to me like your parents left no will rather than that they did not care about you, and your uncle and aunt have effectively stolen your inheritance, while carefully stashing you out of their way with these "foster parents".

Definitely see a solicitor about this, they may advise you to report this to the police as they have definitely stolen your inheritance from you.

You poor thing, Zeebrugge, this sounds like something from a Victorian melodrama and I am Shock that this can still happen.

So Sad that this happened to you and that you were not protected when you were still a vulnerable child.

Crystylline · 01/01/2011 16:33

What an incredible situation...

I'm not really able to offer much advice, but there is this site: www.disasteraction.org.uk which helps to support survivors and those bereaved by major disasters including Zeebrugge.

The compensations claims and payouts so far have been very wide ranging from £5000 offered to a woman who survived to settlements in the £100,000s of thousands.

I have no idea if there is a time limit on bringing a case, but hope that if you contact the site above they could give you a steer in the right direction.

As for the horrendous fostering scenario, you have my utmost sympathy. I've worked in CPS, but only in the last five years and I'm afraid I don't know what the systems were like in the 1980s. It sounds very dubious though. Normally when relatives accept guardianship for children of close family members there are all sorts of legal conditions, as well as routine SW visits and assessments in the transition period. then there's the legal responsibility for the transition to be a care leaver - which is when you should have been advised about your parents' finances, what you were receiving/entitled to etc. Given that your parents were the victims of a major disater, I would have thought this process would have received even more management, as well as grief counselling and support.

best of luck trying to unravel this situation. I dearly hope that it works out for the best for you.

HTH.

utterlyslutterly · 04/01/2011 09:22

I have 2 adopted children and feel so upset for the way you have been treated. I would hate for my children to simply moved out of the equation as an inconvenience, if something should happen to me and my husband.

Unless your parents specifically stated, in the will, that inheritence should bypass you, then I agree with the others that the way your were sidelined was suspicious to say the least. Visit a solicitor or citizens advice bureau as soon as you can - and keep us updated!

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