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Adoption

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Original poster

All a bit complicated

243 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:36

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing now, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little to them?

OP posts:

WorzselMummage · 29/03/2011 04:36

How's it going zeebrugge ?

I hope you've settled in to your old/new house :)

Original poster

zeebrugge · 06/04/2011 11:33

I am so stressed by how slow the police are being. Any court case might be be months from now. Nobody seems able to tell me. Aunt and Uncle are telling stories about each other. Saying it was the other one who did all the cheating and lying. I think they should share the blame.

My Ford Ka is lovely and it has given me more freedom DH is not here. He still works away doing 2 weeks on and 1 week off.

I have left the rental home on the busy road and we live in our new home all the time. I have been told not to talk to the neighbours about the court case. I am so looking forward to going to the local college FE college in April to get my brain to work again.

I am also paid for extra counselling once a week for another 3 months. I am stuffed full of hated for Aunt and Uncle.

OP posts:

crispface · 06/04/2011 21:07

Thank you for updating Zeebrugge. The police will take a long time getting things in order, because if they miss one VITAL piece of information, then either they cannot charge, or your aunt and uncle could be found not guilty by the court. The police only get one chance to gather evidence - once charged, they cannot keep going back and finding more. So although it feels like forever, and could well be months - that is because your Aunt and Uncle have lived a lie for so long, that the police have to uncover EVERYTHING, which does take time. I do feel for you though, the waiting whilst full of hate cannot be at all easy. Hopefully the counselling will help you to resolve your issues without the need for an imediate conclusion to this case.

Not talking to the neighbours about all of this is very important (although I guess you know that) because they will be important witnesses as to when you Aunt and Uncle moved in, how they lived, what they said etc etc. And if you are seen to have "influenced" their evidence then it could be that they will not be allowed to be witnesses, and thus reducing the police's evidence dramatically. When it is all over though, then you can natter, and i'm sure that they will be HORRIFIED as we all are.

I hope your college of FE helps you with your recovery, and giving you something to take your mind off everything. what will you be studying?

Have you improved your new/old home? what have you done to it?

thinking of you.

Al1son · 06/04/2011 21:22

It's good to hear that you're settling in and looking forward to returning to education. It's quite scary on that first day walking in the the room. I have to do something similar in April because I put my degree on hold this time last year and have to rejoin the following year's cohort after Easter. It won't be easy until I've got to know a few but it will be worth it.

It's nice to think of you sleeping in your old house and hopefully feeling closer to your parents and your childhood. I think they'd be happy to know you moved back in.

It's sad to hear you say you are full of hatred but so understandable. They have taken so much from you in many ways. When you say they are telling stories about each other I hope this is coming through the solicitors and you are managing to keep it all at arm's length. They sound just as bad as each other and deserve everything they get and more. Neither can justify what they did to you no matter what they say the other one did. Don't let anything they say mess with your head will you?

Keep up with that counselling - you've got a lot to get your head round. There will come a day when you can put this all behind you and look to the future.

Hulababy · 06/04/2011 21:50

Only just seen this thread.

I am glad that you are now back in your own home, your family home. I hope your aunt and uncle get what they deserve.

tribpot · 06/04/2011 22:00

Glad things are going well, and agree with the others: try not to be stressed by the court case if you can be. It will take time, it's the nature of these things. It can't be helpful for you to know the details of what your aunt and uncle are saying about the other. I would concentrate on your own counselling and (easy though it is for me to say) the true justice your parents wanted to see done is being done, i.e. you are back in the house.

Your hate is entirely understandable, how could you not feel it? But I would try to separate that - as much as you can - from the court case, because that will take as long as it will take.

psiloveyou · 06/04/2011 22:06

Been wondering how you were doing zeebrugge. So glad you are in your rightful home now.
Your feelings are completely understandable, but try not to let them overpower you. Enjoy knowing that your parents loved you and all the memories you have.

CarGirl · 06/04/2011 22:14

Thank you for coming back and updating I have wondered how you're getting on fairly often.

I think it will take you time to forgive your aunt and uncle they have been very cruel and calculating. Keep on with the counselling and be kind to yourself.

No sentence will ever undo what they did.

Clarebabes · 07/04/2011 15:03

Only been on this site a few days, but have already told a couple of people about your plight. I cannot believe what they did to you and what they have stolen from you! I hope they get the book thrown at them.

My husband says you should get someone to write a book, then make a film about your life. I for one would definitely read the book and watch the film, though many people wouldn't believe it was non-fiction.

Good luck with everything, I sincerely hope it goes well for you and you find happiness in your "new" old home.

BonzoDooDah · 22/06/2011 23:11

How's it going?
Any progress on anything?

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/09/2011 22:16

Someone said that this was someone writing a novel, and not true, but I can't find any threads that substantiate this. Anyone know any more?

IReallyHateMyCat · 01/12/2011 19:15

Anything new?

Lilka · 01/12/2011 19:18

Yes, it wasn't a real story...several people did suspect because of the writing style

IReallyHateMyCat · 01/12/2011 19:38

Oh thanks was that on a different thread do you know?

Original poster

zeebrugge · 31/01/2012 08:52

I have been waiting and waiting for something to happen. Nothing does. Aunt and Uncle were supposed to give up their passports but ran away to France. It took ages to find them. Living quite a posh life, spending my money still. When they were made to come back Uncle found a doctor to say he has memory loss. Just an excuse to avoid a trial I think.
Once a month the CPS get in touch to say no progress yet. I feel forgotten by them all.
I am doing a course at an FE college and hope to go to university as a mature student in September. It has been so hard to get my brain working again. DH still works on the oil rigs.
My neighbours all know about the legal problems but we never discuss them. I was told not to.
I still think about my Mum and Dad being killed. Some days it really hurts inside.

OP posts:

MBLacey · 31/01/2012 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KristinaM · 31/01/2012 18:03

Zeebrugge-one of the main differences betiween real life and stories in books or films is that in reality everything takes much longer. Epsecially the court and legal procedures.

Its not uncommon for a civil matter to take 8-10 years.

If i was advising someone in thsi sitution i would tell thme to get on with their lives and not spend any more time waiting for the past to be resolved. Any legal outcome to this situation would be unsatisfactory.

The best way to honour the past is not to live in it but to learn from it

LoopyLoeufdePaques · 11/04/2012 23:38

How are you getting on zeebrugge?

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