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Original poster

All a bit complicated

243 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:36

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing now, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little to them?

OP posts:
Original poster
zeebrugge · 18/01/2011 16:49

It has been a very strange day. My best friend of over 20 years came with me in her car to the house. My house. We picked up the keys from the solicitors and were allowed to spend as long as we wanted looking round it. There were some old looking things I remembered, like the piano (still out of tune). My bedroom looks almost identical and still had the same wall paper with a stain behind the headboard. The dining room table and sideboard were certainly Mum and Dads and so were some of the dishes and plates.

Lots of things I could not be certain about. It was all such a long time ago. I was brave today because I didn?t cry once and having my friend there helped me a lot.

I have got to see a special doctor tomorrow to help me talk though all the thoughts running around in my head. My GP sorted it out for me with a friend of his. I have to make a list of the happy thoughts like finding out that my Mum and Dad did love me after all. And the worst ones like when I was beaten with a strap at the fake foster home and what I think about my aunt and uncle. I am allowed to say everything I feel to this doctor. Even things my husband doesn?t know about.

I am running out of days to have off from my job which is difficult.

OP posts:
Al1son · 18/01/2011 17:03

You must have a rollercoaster of emotions to deal with.

Would it be possible for you to take some unpaid leave from your job to allow you some space to deal with all of this? If you don't want to share the reason you could make something up.

Talking through everything that's happened is really important and I imagine there are still some thoughts and feelings (and even memories) yet to surface.

I'm glad you had a good friend with you today.

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 17:33

Hi, I didn't realise that the fake foster home was definately fake! I thought someone had said it might be but that was it, I must have missed that! That is so awful! Who were those people?

Do you mind if I ask where abouts you live? understand that you probably can't say that much.

squeaver · 18/01/2011 17:40

I've read some extraordinary stories on MN, but this is one of the most jaw-dropping.

Glad to see you're getting some help to sort things out in your head. You've been incredibly brave and strong.

nymphadora · 18/01/2011 18:35

I was sure it was fake foster home. Were they set by Aunt then? Were SS involved? It didn't seem right to me

abenstille · 18/01/2011 20:04

Just found your thread, read it from start to finish and am absolutely astounded. Events in our lives always form part of our story. You've certainly had more extraordinary events than most. I'd like to suggest that you print off this entire thread - it has also become part of your 'story' - the type of thing you might tell your grandchildren about...
I so want to give your child self and your adult self a big hug, you sound like youre an incredibly nice person in so many ways.
One of the most touching things you said was when you capitalised 'please believe me'. No-one could make a story like this up, and Im damn sure EVERYONE on here believed you. It seemed to me that you were crying out as the powerless little girl that you were - note WERE, you are that no longer and have been very brave.
Im so, so sorry for the loss of your parents - they would have been so proud of you.

BonzoDooDah · 18/01/2011 21:05

Glad you had another visit to your house and with a good friend too.

Is there any way you can tell someone at work about what has happened and get some compassionate leave sorted out? This is a major event in your life and the least they can do is support you for the councelling sessions (time off or time off in leu? or at least unpaid leave for the few hours) If you arrange the times carefully it doesn't have to be all day.

Oh and feel free to tell US what you think of your aunt and uncle. You have been pretty neutral about them on here but I imagine you are boiling and burning inside.

Again, good luck with all this and stay strong, as you have been so far.

Kewcumber · 19/01/2011 17:28

Lordy lordy lordy Shock

"I was brave today" jesus woman you've been bloody brave most of your life it sounds to me.

zeebrugge I have struggled to respond to this thread despite having lurked around it since the beginning because I think it must be every paretns worst nightmare what happened to you.

If you parents loved you even one quarter as much as I love my (adopted) DS then they will be up in the clouds planning your aunt and uncles eternal damnation even as we speak.

I really hope that above all else it allows you to reclaim the memory of your parents and their love for you.

Original poster
zeebrugge · 21/01/2011 16:19

I talked for a long time to the special type of doctor. All the different feelings in my head just came out in a jumbled mess. Things I have never said before. Horrible things. Anger mainly about my aunt and uncle and their friend who was supposed to be looking after me. Their friend who stole half my wages and who hit me for keeping my Christmas bonus. Anger about how hard my DH has had to work to support us when all the time Aunt and Uncle were stealing my money and our money. How my chances of a good job and a career were stolen when I was made to leave school. I used to be nearly top the class. Now my brains are just mush from not being used. How ashamed I feel at been cheated by these people. What could I do? I was young, no parents, no one to help. Just the twig lashed across the back of my legs if I complained.

But, but, but. From Monday I can live in my proper home for the first time. All the time if I want. And I do, so much. We are giving the months notice on our rented house. The first lot of compensation should be in the bank by then. I am not allowed to say how much except it would be more than DH earns in 6 years!

What do I want to do most? I want to take my DH on a holiday and I want to go to the local college to learn to use my brain again. And I want to see Aunt and Uncle sent away for ever but that is a bad wish I know!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 21/01/2011 16:29

Hi Zeebrugge

It's not bad to want your Aunt and Uncle to be sent away for ever. What they have done to you is so awful it's beyond words. Going away for ever is what they deserve.

I'm so glad that you have someone professional to talk to and to help you get this all straight in your head and I'm very glad that you will now be able to benefit from your house and the money that your mum and dad intended for you to have. Your life will get easier now and you will be able to study and have lovely holidays and all good things for your DH and yourself.

We are all thinking of you here and wishing you well x

crystalglasses · 21/01/2011 16:57

I don't know if your brain is mush but I do know that what shines through all your posts is your very clear and succinct way of expressing yourself. This will stand you in good stead if you do want to go to college.

Meanwhile enjoy your home and good memories. I'm so glad things are coming good for you.

RunawayFishWife · 21/01/2011 17:02

I hope this is the start of a wonderful new life for you xx

RantyMcRantpants · 21/01/2011 17:13

All the best for a most wonderful future.

brambleschooks · 21/01/2011 17:49

All the best too for a wonderful future and being able to come to terms with the more recent past. What a roller coaster few weeks you've had, I hope you get time, space and support to process it all.

crispface · 21/01/2011 19:58

Amazing news Zebrugge, I have followed your posts and cried many times for you. You express yourself so well, and I feel your every emotion.

Please keep us updated with the news. I am soooo happy you have enough money to spoil yourselves :) :) :)

crispface · 21/01/2011 20:17

Amazing news Zebrugge, I have followed your posts and cried many times for you. You express yourself so well, and I feel your every emotion.

Please keep us updated with the news. I am soooo happy you have enough money to spoil yourselves :) :) :)

VoldemortsNipple · 21/01/2011 20:25

Well done Zebrugge. Smile

Herecomesthesciencebint · 21/01/2011 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 21/01/2011 20:54

yea xxx so happy 4 u

marriednotdead · 21/01/2011 21:28

So pleased that you are getting what is rightfully yours at last Smile

No-one deserves this more than you.

In a weird way, you will probably appreciate it all even more now (not that makes any of it right of course).

Your uncle and aunt will also get what they deserve Hmm

I wish you and your family happiness and peace of mind Smile

Disorganisedmum · 21/01/2011 21:46

I just stumbled across your thread and have read it transfixed. I just want to wish you all the best and many happy years in your new/old family home xxx

pinkyp · 21/01/2011 23:39

Please keep us updated! Been reading from day 1 :)

bumpybecky · 21/01/2011 23:46

wow! am in tears (again) at reading your latest update :)

that's fantastic that you've got the house and some money already :) I hope you and your DH are very happy in your new old home

Astrophe · 21/01/2011 23:58

another long time lurker here. I'm so pleased to think of you and your DH settling in to YOUr home, and to imagine you having a wonderful holiday of a lifetime together :)

SiriusStar · 23/01/2011 19:53

I have been following this and I wish you all the best. ALL THE BEST FOR YOU!!!!