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Original poster

All a bit complicated

243 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:36

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing now, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little to them?

OP posts:
legaleagle2 · 05/01/2011 19:42

If I was defending your aunt and uncle what would I do in a, probably vain, attempt to avoid them being given a fairly substantial prison term?

The first thing I would do is to get them to move out of your house. And to do so with all possible speed.

I would also get them to make you an interim (NB) cash payment. I suggest that the correlation between the size of this payment and the chance of them avoiding prison is close to +1. In other words the more the better.

Unless of course they choose to deny the charges.

frgr · 05/01/2011 19:56

I've just sat here and read the whole thread, zeebrugge, i cannot believe how maliciously you have been treated by your aunt and uncle in this

i'm so glad you've found the strength to contact an independant lawyer and make a statement to the police. your parents trusted your aunt and uncle to look after you, they were responsible and made adequate provision for you in the event of their passing, but your "relatives" took advantage of your youth and grief in such an horrific way

i hope you find the closure you need, and that your aunt and uncle are punished for what they have done. i can't imagine the utter evil of letting you believe something that wasn't the case all these years, paying themselves to live rent free in your house, etc

i'm so confused and upset for you Angry

blueshoes · 05/01/2011 20:16

zee, just wanted to give you my support. I am sure your mother and father are very proud of you. Hang in there - it could get rough on the legal front. Hope you finally get the support you sorely deserve and the legacy your loving parents always intended you to have.

blueshoes · 05/01/2011 20:18

Your parents' hearts must have been absolutely breaking if they ever knew what you, their child, had to endure.

NonnoMum · 05/01/2011 20:27

Still thinking of you all the time. You must be a really strong person to be so calm about all this.

IF anything turns nasty against you (and I pray to God it won't after what you've been through) then remind people that no matter you may or may have not done at the time (e.g sign papers - also think your old Headteacher needs to expect a knock form the police?? or if you displayed challenging behaviour at that time (and which teenager doesn't?) then please please remind everyone you were a grief-stricken, ill-informed adolescent)

Do NOT allow anyone to turn your grief against you.

Aunt and Uncle - Rooster and GF???

(Apologies to the intellingent legal posters on here but that's how it's all making sense in my head!!)

DasherandSmugly · 05/01/2011 20:42

Just wanted to offer my support. Haven't read a thread as shocking as this for a good while. I hope you get everything you're entitled to and your aunt and uncle get what they deserve. Well done for pushing.

SantasMadMissy · 05/01/2011 20:43

my god i can not believe how you have been treated!!
by the old solicitor too! my heart goes out to you and i truely hope that you get what your parents intended. i hope the time until your dh passes quickly, you sound like you could do with a bloomin great big hug!!

Longtalljosie · 05/01/2011 21:01

I imagine your Aunt and Uncle's solicitors have been advised there is every possibility you will go to the police.

Don't let them emotionally blackmail you, or confuse you.

Write down everything you remember from that time you were asked to sign those papers at school now (I think that may end up being crucial) so when they start trying to twist what you were and weren't told you have it to go back to.

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 05/01/2011 21:03

zeebruge - i am another person who is totally and utterly shocked at your story. You poor thing. Is it sinking in yet that your parents DID love you? They will have loved you as much as any parents who have children. I am sure they would be horrified at what happened.

I am sure they didn't realise what your aunt and uncle would do. Who would for God's sake?

Keep strong and remember we are all rooting for you. There are many great things about Mumsnet but one of the greatest is that there are many lawyers on here who willingly give advice. If you have any qestions I am sure they will do their best to help you. And for other support there are lots of us here who are rooting for you.

rodformyownback · 05/01/2011 21:17

Zeebrugge I don't know you so I hope you won't mind that I feel so PROUD of you. You have been amazingly brave to take the bull by the horns like this. What a momentous day for you. I am thinking of you often and so pleased for you that you have your photos, solid evidence of how much your parents loved you.

MissyPie · 05/01/2011 22:04

May be a long shot but I'd try to contact the headmaster who witnessed the signing of papers when you were 16...perhaps he may not be still around but if he is then he may remember and give a little more insight into what happened on the day....

Worth a shot I reckon.

Gay40 · 05/01/2011 22:15

Again, today's update made me have a little cry with the injustice of it all but also the thought of you sat looking at your photos. Be under no illusion that your parents loved you very much and made provision for you as their much loved and wanted child.
It's made me cuddle my DD all evening, to be honest.
Good luck and all the best with this journey you are on.
xx

Original poster
zeebrugge · 06/01/2011 09:33

I am sitting her weeping. The lad two doors down managed to transfer a cassette of my Mum and Dad talking about how I came to be adopted onto a CD. I have not heard their voices since 1987!

I cannot talk to my husband yet. His job is quite dangerous and if he is distracted by worrying about me he might have an accident.

I feel like my Aunt and Uncle stole everything from me. For years I was left thinking that my Mum and Dad had not cared about me just so Aunt and Uncle could rob me. It is not right!

OP posts:
Blatherskite · 06/01/2011 09:48

Your Aunt and Uncle DID steal everything from you! Including, in one way, your memories as they made you doubt the love your parents had for you Sad

What awful people.

I hope you get this sorted and that they are made to pay.

LadyBubbaAndBump · 06/01/2011 10:02

OMG Zeebrugge you have been so strong throughout this. I am in awe of you and your wherewithal about this whole matter. I wish you all the luck in the world with everything.

Hassled · 06/01/2011 10:09

Zeebrugge - I can't imagine how you must be feeling. But you know now that your parents loved you very much indeed - I hope that gives you the strength you need to persist with this, and a great deal of comfort.

minipen · 06/01/2011 10:09

You have been robbed, it is awful what your AUnt & Uncle have done to you, if you want to post a rough idea of region I am sure there is a mumnetter about who could maybe meet you for coffee? I would if you are nearby, I really think you need somebody to talk to you, your Aunt & Uncle isolated you in their treatment of you, that does not mean you have to go through this alone.

mumofloads · 06/01/2011 10:12

They did steal everything zeebrugge but now you are taking it back.

Just try and concentrate on the present what you have got back and not what you have lost. You are being so brave.
Have you heard anything from the police yet?.

TheRunawayWife · 06/01/2011 10:34

Zee I hope you get your house and anything else your mum and dad left you.
Your Aunt and Uncle are vile

Gay40 · 06/01/2011 10:43

Yes, I was wondering if you had local support with this. I understand you not wanting to worry your husband, as long as you have other people who love and care for you around.

It's very rare I think about MN when I'm not on it but this story has been on my mind since I read it. I cannot believe the disgusting behaviour of your aunt and uncle - for me it isn't about the money (although that's an important part) it's about them allowing you believe that you didn't matter to your parents.

I'm so pleased you had the cassette put on CD and you've heard your parents voices . It must have been very emotional hearing how you came to be adopted.

Again, all the best luck in the world.
xx

Xenia · 06/01/2011 11:26

I think all of this needs first to be proven and we have only heard one side and not read any paperwork. As someone said above get into the house and get a cash payment on an interim basis. Do the land registry search I suggested.

I think you said you'd seen a lawyer the other day. Are they acting for you and have you seen their terms and read them?

legaleagle2 · 06/01/2011 13:31

Much good advice has been offered here and as far as I can see it has been acted upon. It think this reflects much credit on all concerned.

I suspect that OP might have been advised (by her legal team and/or the police) to exercise some caution in what she now posts here.

The post by Xenia indeed contains the way to proceed.

roisin · 06/01/2011 20:43

all the best to you x

MissyPie · 07/01/2011 19:36

Although I realise that there may not be much that the OP can say now but I can't help thinking this thread could perhaps be a testrun for a book/movie (it can happen)...I for one would read it :)

And I mean my comment in the most positive way, I still check this thread daily bacause I cant get this story out of my head...I'd pay to see this movie!

Zeebrugge, All the best with your endeavours and at last I hope you find some peace.

BonzoDooDah · 07/01/2011 20:35

Me too - Zeebrugge I think of your story a lot and am so happy this seems to be working out for you. It does sound like the plot of a film.

I hope you get your fairytale ending. Please let us know what you can (I know tricky with legal stuff and all) but good luck with it.