random adoption chat

[Kewcumber]

Didn;t want to start a new topic just for this but thought a mindless drivel thread might come in useful for snippets without satrting new threads...

DS is five tomorrow can you beleive it? and I haven't broken him yet . I think its his best birthday yet - isn't 5 a lovely age for Xmas and birthday. Have also managed to be too maudling and not wept into my coffee yet (maybe tomorrow).

Aww, congratulations to your DS. I've just been having a little look at his party photo on FB. Handsome devil, isn't he.

Not breaking children is very good. I'm pretty sure that was mentioned on the course.

maudling? Is there a verb "to maudle"?

he is a handsome devil isn't he I still get random strangers walk p to me in shops and say "AW he's so cute"!

D'you know I don't actually remember the prep course recommending we didn't break them... I think they were kind of assuming we weren't going to. Testimony to how convincing we can all be pre-adoption.

you cant lose them either,always have mine strapped to me or locked up.

Happy birthday Master Kewcumber! He is indeed a very handsome lad; looking forward to seeing how he gets on with my girl, recently turned 5. It is a great age, isn't it?

We've had a tiring week with colds, tummy bugs and hot-and-cold running social workers. dd2 teething and grumpy as hell. I am, of course, seeing this as evidence that she doesn't want me to be her mother after all. Some more sleep would probably help.

Did anybody see yesterday's piece in the Guardian magazine about fostering? Very, very upsetting.

I'm sucj a big jessie when it comes to articles about adoption and fostering and avoid them where possible!

Ha ha I just read this in absolute horror. Thought you meant you hadn't managed to break him in a negative way. Like when you break a bad tempered horse.

Get it now, duh

Oh and happy birthday to your LO.

Happy Birthday Kew's son!! 5 wow! DS is 6 in Feb! Can't believe it - he is getting very handsome now!! Kew your DS looks lovely in his school uniform!

Haven't read this article and i think i will now

But i also admit that I am having a hard time at the moment. I am so angry with certain people and can't talk about it openly and i feel like i am burning up with hate inside and i need to speak with a counsellor but i am putting it off, and everything is getting worse because of it. really don't know who i can talk to in the meantime

i also admit i got the shock of my life today. i attampted a drive to visit a relative and skidded on sheer ice in the middle of a snowstorm and nearly got badly hurt - stopped inches before i was on the roundabout in the path of a lorry. i nearly wet myself and DS is not going t school tomorrow regardless of whether it is open or not - the roads there are treacherous and i don't give a flip about his attendance next to keeping him safe!

But on the upside, I got a lovely hug and kiss from DD2 this evening. She has been suffering some more pain inside along with a UTI and seems to be recovering. She is in the living room now knitting a lovely scarf and also sticking pretty gems on christmas cards :)

psml mumofloads! No, I meant literally ie we are still both in one piece!!!! (more or less in my case)

maryz :(
i know that i worry a lot about contact. I admit that the people i am angry with are DD1's birth parents, after she made even more disclosures to me a few days ago. Its so hard sometimes, and this is not as bad as when she was 15 and started to properly talk. At that point i had to struggle with the question of whether i should go to the police or not. in the end I decided no as it would be far too much for her, she couldn't talk to anyone but me anyway at this point, but it makes me so mad, no way should they (especially she) be walking around free, when DD has a life sentence of pain.

And i worry constantly about being traced and contacted by them. It scares me. I wonder why thy haven't tried already. I wish i hadn't kept writing contact letters until she was 18, even though they only said words to the effect of shes happy and loved and doing well, goodbye. i just couldn't be dealing with a fight with the contact coordianator (why oh why did the amazing old one go????). One letter they (bp's) attempted to send (didn't get through, thanks to lovely previous letterbox person) was saying how she must come back as soon as she can (an order not a request) and pointed out to DD that she was "our property" and that they would punish her if she did not come back pronto at 18 and that they forbid her from loving me, love your real and only mummy and daddy. Where do you go from there??? No "love" at all, just they want power and control. She is terrified of them!! Why would she go anywhere near them? But already they have put very old pics on facebook etc and they may be old but she is still recognisable.

I really am going to see someone about counselling soon as this snow has cleared enough to drive anywhere (I HATE snow!!) I need to talk this through properly. I don't want to be this angry perso burning up with hate, i just think that isn't me!

I don't worry about DD2/DS birth mum though. I am happy to say we write long chaty letters and get on well. She cares deeply about her kids, and most of the abuse was not her fault, nor could she do anything about it. So ill be happy when the time comes that DD2 wants to meet, i can't see a problem there.

I hope things start to go better for your son this year maryz. i know you have a harder time of it than i do and your love for your son comes through so strongly in your posts. Support coming your way :)

Thanks maryz :) So true, wanted to listen but then barely being able to take any more alone.

And i also need to say, you won't ever lose your daughter maryz. Physically she might not always be near you, but you will always be mum in her heart :)

depressing thought perfectly valid for a "randomadoption chat" thread! I didn;t really start this specifically for DS's birthdya but because I wanted to mention it but it didn't seem worthy of a whole thread on its own and I thought a chat where people can just discuss any old thing would be useful.

In fact I haven't got particularly emotional on his birthdya this year (I ussually do!) but perhaps becuase he is so excited by everything this year that it just seems wrng to join in with that whle-heartedly. I was feeing a bit sensitive in the weeks running up to it which is why I was so stroppy on the previous couple of threads (the AIBU one and the thread pointing people in that direction) - partly becasue th eissue of bonding is one that makes me feel disloyal to DS even though I know intellectually it really isn't anything much to write home about and also because in my heightened emotional state (birthday and revisiting bonding issues) I really bloody objected to the poster who came onto an adoption thread and explained what the previous poster really needed was support and blahblahblah. Yes because I know nothing about it and really need someone who'd never been through it explainign to me how it should be. And then objecting when I overreacted (a tad!). I suppose adoption isn't something I disucss much with anyone except adopters and I hadn;t realised how easy I was to wind up about it!

you're not easy to wind up, she was being a patronising old bag

at least the special needs parents USUALLY manage to avoid being given random advice by people who knwo nothing about it but thought they woudl throw in their tuppence worth

which is great if its just to say " oh i dont have any experience but wish you well / sympathy / support vibes etc"

Kew - i cant beleive 5 years old. im pretty sure it is you. wow ... its a small world. i remember reading your story and i think your blog where i saw some pictures of i your beautful son. then, the following weekend i was in the queue at tescos osterley and couldn't believe you were in front of me. wasnt brave enough to say hi. do you shop at tescos, gillette corner?

LOL you are a celebrity now, you have been spotted

next thing it will be teh paparazzi and Ds will be in Hello! with Suri Cruise

lol Ummm.... yes used to shop there a lot but haven't for ages then did some birthday/Xmas shopping there recently.

I would have given you an autograph you know, if you'd asked. And quite cheaply with my special MN discount.

is this a random gossip as well? coz if so i want to point out that maryz has been getting very stroppy on other threads about...wait for it....santa. she has been saying norty words and i think she will lose 5 minutes golden time

my mums says I've not to play with her any more

and how are you all surviving the snow? Dh was unusually for a man clever enough to dig out our car and move to the end of the road so we can get in and out. even the tractor has not been down our road today

all the schools were closed yesterday and after spending quality time with the children i am delighted devastated that they are back today

Then i got stuck turning my car at the school and had to get out my spade and bucket of grit and dig myself out.now Dh has renewed his campaign for a 4x4 thingie

Maryz has been using rude words?

We marched to school in the snow this morning which was a nice opportunity to talk to DS about Kazakhstan how it snoes all winter.

Catchment area for our school is sosmall(about 900 m!) that no parent surely has an excuse for not getting the kids to school and the staff seem unusually determined to keep the school open. They were getting ready to take reception off to the school field to play in the snow as we dropped off. Think not much "work" will get done but they should have a great time. Though [judgey-pants emoticon] one of the mums was looking at her daughter wearing stappy shoes, tights and mini skirts saying doubtfully - "I don't really think she's dressed for playing in the snow" no you eejit but she isn't dressed for walking to school in the snow either!

Am liking the fact that because I started the thread my random chat is more important than anyone elses

ooh haven't found the other thread yet but have used mybest passive aggressive phrase "emotional sophistication" sure you will like it Maryz

"Sigh.

I'm going to have to brave the roads and go and get her at some stage"

Maryz - this is the point that many people would say "well you chose to have kids"