Too scared to go for a smear test

[nervybs]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a bit of a hand hold really.

I’m 26 and haven’t yet been for my first smear test. I’ve had some reminders and I’ve also been told I have to go into the GP for a medication review that they usually do over the phone, I am assuming this is so they can try and encourage me to go face to face.

I am absolutely terrified.

I was brought up by a mother who shamed my body and shamed anything to do with “privates” whilst also flouncing around naked herself. As such, I have a really difficult relationship with my body. The idea of a stranger seeing my intimate parts makes me want to die, which I know sounds so dramatic but it genuinely gives me palpitations and a nervous shake to think of.

In addition, I also have a very very low pain tolerance. I’m talking, pulled muscle in my neck brings tears to my eyes, level. So I am terrified that it will hurt. I know that they don’t provide any kind of painkillers or numbing for it and that terrifies me. I’m scared that it will hurt and i’ll be told I’m being stupid and they won’t stop.

I’ve seen so many horror stories online of women saying how awful and painful it is, and then it makes me doubt the ones saying it’s fine as them trying to minimise it!

I KNOW that having cancer is far far worse than the smear but I just really can’t get past these points and do it.

i was really hoping that the roll out of the home tests might mean I could do that but I’ve since read that they’re only for 30+ so would be ages before I qualify.

I’m just looking for some reassurance, someone to walk me through it maybe or explain how bad it truly is. I’d almost prefer to go in knowing “it’s going to really hurt” than be lied to and say it’s fine.

For a bit of additional context, my grandmother had a hysterectomy at the same time as having my mum due to complications, so never had a smear. So there isn’t anyone I can ask for personal experience other than my mother herself which I will not be doing

@PetulaGordenoI really wish I had known that my age would have such an impact! I walked in all bright and breezy and walked out with tears in my eyes. The pain was a shock and the nurse just kept repeating "you need to relax or I can't do it". She did offer to stop but I knew if I left without having it done I wouldn't go back.

I get it. I had a similarly shaming mother and when I was a young teen was astounded to see pregnant women in public seemingly unembarrassed about everyone knowing they’d had sex. Really.

Throughout my teens & adult life I made some questionable decisions based on that kind of neurosis. As a result I ensured I developed the ability to be entirely open about the reality of female bodies. When men I know joke about women’s boobs aging, I point out that exactly the same thing happens to testicles but as we live in a male-driven narrative that doesn’t make it onto greeting cards or mainstream jokes. Men genuinely have no idea what to expect from their aging bodies!

What I can tell you from the other side of embarrassment is: you’re the only one who suffered from your embarrassment. It’s a burden you now have but can decide to work on ditching. Life is a lot lighter when you realise bodies come in all shapes and sizes and even if there’s something remarkable about yours, embarrassment won’t change it.

I wish I could help you be glad of a healthy, functioning body. They’re amazing and nothing to be embarrassed about! Enjoy your health and time, you never know how long either will last.

For this appointment you could consider going to a sexual health clinic. I once did that to avoid going to the GP practice nurse who was the wife of a colleague of mine. Sexual health clinics deal with reproductive anatomy and issues all day and you will not be remarkable in any way.

As for the actual procedure, to my knowledge, it’s much less uncomfortable for younger women. As we age, the cervix can be more fickle! As far as we know, for some women it’s sometimes uncomfortable for some women it’s always uncomfortable and for some it’s never uncomfortable. For some women it’s sometimes painful for many it isn’t ever painful.

There isn’t any way to know how it’ll feel for you until you’re there. What may make it harder is that embarrassment can lead to tension, which might make it trickier.

Rest assured you aren’t the only woman to be uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. Having those procedures is a female right of passage and you join the rest of us coping with bodies that can be inconvenient and messy, but joyfully alive.

Feel however you want but look after yourself and get vital screening to maintain your health and enjoy as much of life as you can because you can’t opt out of being female now!!

You’ll be very welcome on this side of the self-shaming line, it’s a great liberation!

It's bizarre how some can't understand and refuse to believe that some women find them very painful.

It’s usually a nurse who does them. I think everyone is different , some people will feel mildly uncomfortable (me) . Some people find it painful. Maybe if you explain in a separate appointment the GP might be able to give you something. Or even ask the nurse to explain it to you before you actually have it done.

Im quite phobic about smears tests/anything to do with invasive vaginal procedures due to past experiences. That said every smear ive had has been maybe uncomfortable at most but not sore.
Id go to Dr and explain your concerns, its sounds phobic to me at your level of concern, and as someone else said well done you for still considering going and not just avoiding it.
They can walk through what could be done to help alleviate anxiety. Id definitely ask if you can have diazepam or something for it to help you relax like at least 5mg imo. I find usually the nurses doing them are really good as they do it so much, and you can tell them your nervous and theyll support you. If on the off chance you end up with someone not sympathetic to your fear say no and ask to rebook with someone else.
I did some therapy for my last one, including visualising full process to mentally prepare. Also wrote a letter to explain my fears in advance and what i wanted them to do as therapist recommended it. Explained why I was afraid and what that might mean in terms of my reactions and was really helpful.
Also they can use a small speculum and lots of lube. Its really quick.
Twice ive had to be referred on as bleed during it (no pain) and it was my worst nightmare but both times that was also totally fine, if anything by time that happens your with the gynae pros ans thats pretty much all they do all day long lol.
Wishing you all the best with it, definitely take your granny up on doing something lovely after to celebrate being scared but doing it anyway :)

Call them up and explain to a nurse who can stay with you and walk you through it. Many have bad experiences inc me, it's really something medicine needs to progress on but for many it's fine. Speak to your Dr's, and see what they can offer support wise.

I hated them in my 20s. I had all the usual embarrassments running through my mind. Would my genitals look weird? Would the nurse secretly snigger at my pubic hair? Would someone recoil in horror? I used to hate the thought. And that was before I even got there, when I did find them uncomfortable. Obviously I have had several penises up there but for whatever reason it hurt and I hated it when a speculum went up there. It was by far the thing I dreaded most. I'm amazed I powered through.

I don't know if it's age or having had two babies (probably both) but now it's both not embarrassing and, strangely, doesn't even feel uncomfortable any more.

I have no advice other than wishing you the best of luck and reassuring you that honestly nobody in the clinic will care. Please go for the good of your health.

That's a lovely idea and your GM sounds like the ideal person to accompany you.

Please just go, they are uncomfortable and a bit undignified, but 2 mins of discomfort might well save your life or better still put your mind at rest Please go

OP, I know it's scary, you leave your dignity at the door on the way in and collect it on the way out but you absolutely need to get this done. I worked with a gorgeous woman when I was 21, she was around mid 20's, a lovely soul, she got married and within 6 months, was no longer with us, she had an aggressive form of ovarian cancer and had never had a smear test. Please get seen, it's not the best experience but certainly not the worst. Take a deep breath, and remember that the clinician or nurse has literally seen and smelt everything! I use humour to get through these otherwise the silence would have me running. You've got this 💯 Just be clean lol xx

Are you sexually active OP? It honestly isn't worse than sex the first time with a new partner as far as embarrassment, as others have said usually it is the practice nurse who does it and they have had training and have done loads, but please talk to them and make them aware that this is the first time and you are nervous. Please don't worry about "How it looks down there" as like people's faces are all different so is their vagina.

Remember it's your choice based on your assessment of the risk. You're entitled to disagree with the medical recommendation.

If you choose to try to have one note that you could wear stockings / long socks, a long line top, a long loose fitting skirt etc all of which minimises how much of your body the nurse sees.

Discuss with the nurse what size speculum to try. I don't advise asking for the smallest because if it's too short and doesn't reach where it needs to go it has to be taken out and replaced with a longer one which IME hurts a bit more than just using the right size to start with.

Go OP! If you can gnash your teeth at a dentist you can deal with a doctor! Let us know how it goes.

Honestly there is really nothing to it. Just feels a bit weird. I used to go for mine regularly then one day I got a call to say the result had come back as abnormal. Long story short I was borderline cancer. If I hadn’t had the smear I probably wouldn’t be here. It’s so important.

dear heart, first thing to know is you’re not being daft and you’re not alone. We mostly all hate it. Who wants to spend any time getting their bits out? It’s perfectly normal to be worried!

how uncomfortable and/or painful it is depends on how big your insides are. So when (not if! I have faith in you!) you go in, first of all have an appointment with a practice nurse who will talk you through everything. Ask her to show you all the kit. Take the unknown out of the situation . Ask her if she (or the doctor) would be happy to use the children’s instruments. Internally I’m tiny and that’s what they use on me. Nurses love patients like you because (by and large) they genuinely love to help. If that’s not the vibe you feel, develop a sudden headache and book in with another nurse. Most practices have more than one.

the suggestion that the practice might prescribe you a sedative is a really good idea.

I’ll not lie to you, my next smear will be the last I ever have and it’s the one good thing about getting older! But do do it. Promise yourself something rewardy afterwards. Finally, although I know it’s hard to believe, the procedure is utterly routine for the medics. You will hate it the embarrassment, of course, but it helps to think that as soon as you’re out of the door they’re on to their next patient and not giving your insides another thought!

Go on, get an appointment to talk everything through. Baby steps, but you’ll get there. Big love.

ooh…edited to add don’t think you’re being helpful and use lube before you go - they’ll use some of their own but the stuff you can buy over the counter actually stops them being able to get to the cells they need. They’ll do everything that needs to be done when (not if!) you go xx

This.

Did you have a HPV vaccine OP? If so, the risks are minute but you can do a home HPV test and take it from there. Hopefully they will start sending out the NHS ones soon.

I find smear tests uncomfortable now but they were fine when I was in my 20s although I did feel a bit violated by the whole thing. But you get over that once you've had a baby!

Smear tests detect HPV and possibly changes to cervical cells. They don't detect ovarian cancer.

The nurse couldn't even get the speculum in last time I went for one.

I did a home HPV test instead.

As a former gynae cancer nurse specialist, I wanted to respond because I think it's really important that you don't underestimate the impact your childhood experiences have had on you. What you're describing sounds like much more than simply being nervous about a smear test. It's a deeply rooted anxiety around your body, vulnerability and intimate examinations. In my professional experience, I've seen how trauma and fear around intimate examinations can lead women to avoid screening and seeking medical help, sometimes for many years. I would hate for you to find yourself in that position, particularly when there is support available to help you address these fears. I don't say this to frighten you or make you feel guilty. I want you to understand that your anxiety is real, it deserves to be taken seriously, and you shouldn't have to simply push through it or overcome it on your own. I would really encourage you to make an appointment with your GP specifically to talk about your anxieties. Explain exactly what you've written here, including your childhood experiences, your fear of pain and your fear of not being listened to or having control taken away from you.
There are things that can be done to make screening more manageable. You can request a female smear taker, a longer appointment, a smaller speculum and extra time to talk everything through beforehand. You can ask to see the equipment, agree a signal to stop and remember that you are in control throughout. You do not have to go ahead with the examination at that appointment, either. You could even have an initial appointment just to meet the nurse and discuss your concerns. I would also consider some counselling. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because it sounds as though your childhood experiences have had a lasting impact on your relationship with your body, and this must be affecting other areas of your life too. You deserve some help with that. Please don't let the fear make the decision for you. You are only 26, and there is so much that can be done to help you feel safe and in control ❤️

You can buy them privately - I used Daye but you can get them from Boots or Superdrug as well.

It’s not the nicest thing but honestly they will put you at ease and as a nurse once said to me ‘I’ve seen every shape, colour and age…no one can surprise me!’ One dr I had got me to take a really deep breathe and it it out in a whoosh and as I let it out she inserted the speculum and I barely felt it. It can be a tiny but painful when they open the speculum but it’s hardly anything. It’s also not very really fast.

Please go and have it done. Insist on a female nurse. When you arrive, explain how you feel to her and I'm certain she'll understand and be sensitive to your needs and feelings.
Yes, it's not the best 5 minutes of your life but it could save your life. I have never found it painful (I'm 58). I don't like it, but it's over and done with in a matter of minutes.

Just stopping by to say your Grandmother sounds amazing!
And you’ve had some great advice

BUT a smear is also a visual check. I've just been and a 'large mass' has been noted so I've had an urgent gynecologist referral. I've never missed a test and had previous HLD and biopsies etc. A home HPV test wouldn't have found this.

I would say it is significantly less unpleasant than a root canal, slightly less unpleasant than a normal filling and slightly more unpleasant than a flu jab.