Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

Oh hello yeah. I only raised 3 amazing successful people through 2 divorces. But it's OK Pollyanna, how many memories do you have from under 2.

Are you sure about that ? She’ll get an occupation order just because she’s breastfeeding? When others have posted that they were not granted one despite being subjected to horrific acts of DV

The first three years of development are a critical stage. The experience of trauma has a massive impact developmentally. It’s not about ‘remembering’ in a cognitive sense.

It doesn’t read like that to me. But apologies if I’m wrong.

I don't agree with @BlueStripeBowl on most of what she has said on here due to her blinkered acceptance of everything OP has put despite OP own words contridicting herself.

However she is correct that IF the father is abusive (and if OP is abusive too) it will be having a profound effect on the childs development whatever age she is.
I thought everyone new this as it has been well established for decades.

My words were 'you do have a chance'

Nowhere have I said she will get it & the chances are quite low. The needs of a breastfeeding child would be considered. (As would the needs of the DH & his financial.situation)

It's a very discretionary decision & it isn't decided solely on severity of DA. It's a non-molestation order that be more appropriate in DA. Actually in DA you want to be well away from the perpetrator & not disclose your location.

I did not get an occupation order (x2 MARAC) but I know of women who have got them short term. Neither had MARAC level DA but one was breastfeeding a baby & the other had a disabled child.

Agreed. She seems to be putting the price of the house sale first unfortunately.

Your last bullet is exactly what I suggested yet you critiqued me for…. ?

The needs of rhe child are always considered. Their method of feeding is not.

Why would you rather be homeless?
Actually no bed to sleep in. None for your child too.
Stop throwing around words that you have no insite of true meaning.

Perhaps you don't mean homeless? Perhaps you don't understand having nowhere at all to be indoors day or night. Nowhere.

No-one is going to rescue you from the harsh realities. You can't go back to your house so suck up the harshness of life. Stop thinking there's a way for you to get what you want.

Declare yourself homeless and you'll risk ending up in a HMO with strangers on the other side of your bedroom wall. Everything and everyone in the world isn't nice you know.
Things may get worse than they are now.

Will your DC be spending time with their dad when things are sorted op?

Sorry. You are right. I misread it and thought you were suggesting he has the child there full time. Now I’ve read it properly I can see you were just suggesting a nesting arrangement too. Apologies.

But at times like this you also think about the legacy you leave - so if she truly believes they will loose a significant chunk of money then that has an impact on the quality of life the child now and the inheritance they get further down the line.

It’s really hard to balance. Some women just leave with nothing to get away from domestic abuse but that comes at a huge financial cost often. Leaves them in poverty.

So if you can fight to get the most possible then it is sometimes worth it.

In this situation I think it’s not. But it’s different things to balance.

By the sounds of things there's currently pretty much nothing, possibly less than nothing to split.

Given OPs evidently much greater earning capacity (doubt she wouldn't have mentioned it if he were PT too) I wouldn't be that surprised if she's financially better off with a clean break divorce sooner rather than later. The house situation is really unfortunate, but if it's currently in potential negative equity, unless we're talking about a tiny deposit it could take a long time before the market changes enough for her to get it back. Meanwhile OP plans to increase her hours soon, which could put her in a better position to go for promotions, mean more in her pension pot.

Things are hard for them both at the moment, but on the information given OP has better prospects.

No problem

Yes, also the child's home is in OP home town which gives her a better support network to assist her with the childcare needed for her to progress her career, and the right to stop her ex moving the child away that is an important legal advantage.

If the OP being sole parent is agreed to by the courts

forcing dad out of the child’s life by forcing him miles away isn’t how things often work

The child won't move so OP has her family nearby which is generally advantagous to earning potential so OP is already in a better financial position - PT job paying same as STBx full time job, plus family infrastructure nearby and she's still complaining!

The problem is that you have no police reports to back up your claims.
I went to the hearing for an occupation order with police reports, a DV support worker, Social services reports, evidence of his drug use and a solicitor (which I had legal aid for due to DV)
The judge bases their decision on a balance of harm test.
I didn’t get the order as it was decided that my ex couldn’t afford to leave and had nowhere to go (Lies but I can’t prove it)
I did get a non molestation order which has a clause in stating that he has to move out within 6-12 months but so far he has shown no attempt of doing so.

If I didn’t get the order with my evidence and reports I think you need to accept that you won’t.

My options are to wait out the 6-12 months or move me and 3 children because he won’t leave.

@mamacat612 I also don't understand the lack of support you've received on this thread.