Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

Why?

I love knowing my ex is out of town so I can go around town without fear of bumping into him.

If you have been together years, your divorce will take into account the entire relationship length I think, not just the years you were actually married, so don’t rely on the short marriage meaning you leave with what you came in terms of finances

There is no way the OP can fund a solicitor for the number of disagreements in this relationship. She won’t get anyone to take on the occupation order now anyway

You commented earlier that every time you go the fridge is empty and post is piled up. Can you go there or not?

It’s clear that you’ve been trying to push the typical MN all men are evil narrative. But I don’t think it’s needed or relevant here. And if op knows the ex isn’t there why doesn’t she move back in

Um ok, but that still doesn’t mean he has to give up the house as he’s a parent,

One who doesn't earn enough to find somewhere else whilst continuing to pay his half of the mortgage, childcare and maintenance, all the while not having the potential access to CB and top up benefits afforded by being the primary carer.

Because again that's what this boils down to here. There isn't enough money for OP to get all the things she wants, even if she does end up with an occupation order.

There is no chance she can get an occupation order one of the criteria is finances,

she seems to think well he was a shit so I get the house and he pays, but there is simply not enough money for this, she’s not divorcing a rich man,

Separate point.

Knowing he’s out means she can feel safe going to the house.

Knowing he’s not living there means she can point this out and ask him to flex in terms of living arrangements.

Fact - a good dad would prioritise his child over his comfort.

All men aren’t evil. But there are clear patterns held up by statistics.

As there is for women,

As would a good mum who’d not wish the father to be homeless and living so far away he couldn’t see his kid,

Care to share the stats about women that are relevant?

Yes I'm not saying she will get the order. Only that even in the hypothetical where OP gets exclusive occupation of the house one way or another, the financial realities all remain.

However abusive he's been, this is the legal equivalent of wanting champagne on a lemonade budget.

He could get a room in a house share.

The statsitics are that men are more physically and sexually violent (and much much more dangerous when they are), there is little to no suggestion and zero evidence of violence with OP, beyond he tried to take hold of his child, she tried to maintain grip on her child.

There is plenty of evidence that verbal abuse and coercive control can be both female or male perpetrated, and also present from both sides simulatanously.

You can use Google. I’m not your admin assistant.

OP could find a different friend or relative to lodge with, since it is her home town that they moved to.

reading What OP wrote - it didn’t sound like “I notice he’s away a lot when I am looking to see if it’s ok to go over “

it sounds like “why doesn’t he move out since he is going somewhere else “ which implies OP has quite a detailed understanding of his movements - and I feel beyond what is needed to check she is safe to pop in on a particular Saturday evening

in fact her first explanation was not “I’m checking for my safety” but “ why shouldn’t I watch my house”

1 in 4 women and perhaps 1 in 6 men suffer DV
Cursory google

I would not say it’s happening in this case but I would say that the stats are not so much in women’s favor that the possibility that OP is behaving poorly can be ruled out based on her own words

It’s not a race to the bottom, it’s not a competition and we all jnow men don’t tend to report.

the stats are irrelevant, the likely hood here is an acrimonious split as they don’t have enough money has turned them both abusive in their own way

Can you share your source that men and women commit verbal abuse and coercive control equally? Can you comment on the impact of the physical differences between men and women and how that interplays?

She notice an empty fridge and stacked up mail didn’t she?

An empty fridge at her parents house? And no shops ?

for clarity are you saying she went to take food he had bought and out in the fridge whilst she had moved out ? Or is she stocking his empty fridge for him ?

What does an empty fridge signify , my fridge is sometimes empty till the shopping arrives the next day, sometimes I get a lot of mail.