Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

My husbands a paramedic and on one of his first jobs the police were involved and he was asking them what was going to happen they told him probably nothing and he was absolutely shocked and the police officer told him something that has stuck with him forever
“There is a big difference between what is right and what is legal’
From your post you are unfortunately about to learn this. You want what is morally right to happen but you have no legal standing here

Yes fair point - but lets hope OP doesn't mention her distress at not being able to monitor her estranged husbands movements via the ring doorbell to the judge!! That would be embarressing!!

This is so important - OP' seems to be living in an alternative universe so any perceived renovations are unlikely to cover their cost let alone realize a profit

I'm a paramedic and I went to a man stabbed 4 times in the chest and then bashed over the head with a heavy ashtray by his wife, and not in self defence.

There are two sides to every story and OP is not coming across well in the telling of her side right now!!

I mean, there is no blurred lines there on whether that is legal or not so you’ve really made my point mute there 😂

I did too, but I was so scared of him I wanted it over. I didn’t want to angry him any more than I had to, because I knew what would happen if he got angry.

I feel for you, but you have to be realistic. The property could be sold via auction so it would be sellable, and as he is saying it can be sold then it will be you the courts frown at

There is no evidence!

How would he see his child EOW and one night during the week if he moves miles away? It seems to me that a good father wouldn't agree to that.

It’s mind boggling what the op is wanting, she wants him to move out, move miles away, get a better job, pay for her to live in the house with her kid,and she thinks this is reasonable

This thread is horrible.

I cannot believe so many of you are piling on OP, knowing how anxious and frightened she is. It is absolutely disgusting.

I’m sorry, OP. Your situation sounds really difficult, and it’s not fair.

No one is doing that, whatwould you like people to do, lie to her so she feels better now and gets a shock at the hearing?

However much of an arsehole he's been OP, there just doesn't seem to be enough money here for you to get what you want.

You would ideally like an occupation order allowing you to live in the house without him, and him to keep paying his half of the mortgage meanwhile.This could be for a potentially lengthy period since the house is lacking even quite basic features and you think it might make a loss now.

He's not going to be able to afford to do this and house himself too, both of you agree on that. So either he spends his money on private accommodation for himself allowing him to keep his job, and doesn't pay the mortgage, or he leaves his job to go and live with his family with no guarantee he gets another that will allow him to pay the mortgage. Nothing you've said about him suggests you can assume he'll have no problem in this shite job market, and nor can you assume his new girlfriend is going to let him live there for nothing/peppercorn either.

There isn't a way in which someone being DV perpetrator also magics up money. The outcome you're hoping to get here is for women who've been abused by high earning men, not poor ones.

honestly they’re not. Reading 10 pages in one go does not accurately reflect how the thread has gone, which has started with posters saying that the chances are very low and OP just sort of arguing against it as though those posters are the ones who made up the rules.

I've said more than once the concerning thing is the aggression with which this divorce is being litigated (with so little at stake)

using the courts to bash out every little thing is unhealthy and leads to further disappointment and aggression.

put it this way if OP was using solicitors she’d be many thousands down by now. It is perfectly helpful and sensible for posters to point out how unlikely it is her order will be garnered, without getting antagonistic responses in return

I’m not talking about OP being told she’s wrong. I think OP needed her expectations managed.

I’m talking about the posters calling her abusive etc.

There’s a way of saying things without needing to kick a poster when she’s down.

Your child will end up spending part of the week with him anyway so why can’t he live with his dad now? Like many PPs I don’t think you are coming across well here

Ok but that did only happen in about 5 posts out of hundreds

If you are referring to me / I am not saying OP is abusive , I was pointing out that some of her actions as she has expressed them - could be seen that way

which is important for her to understand especially if she is pushing everything down a legal route

OP I have had a few friends go through divorce recently, one with an aggressive alcoholic. The ones who have had the ‘best’ outcomes are the one who bit their tongues despite the dads being arseholes, and who got decent lawyers but played ‘nicer’ than what they wanted to, in order to get the best outcome for them and their children. Obviously if there is immediate danger then that can’t apply. But sometimes it seems you have to accept some injustice along the way😐🤷🏼‍♀️

Bearing in mind how acrimonious things are, I think the OP needs a solicitor. Self-representation is all very well but in a divorce / property settlement / child custody situation where every single point is disputed, self repping means the OP does things like apply for an occupation order without clearly understanding what she needs to obtain it.

Legal advice before doing anything will help her look like the reasonable one in any court proceedings (because the lawyer will prevent unreasonable expectations).

I think people are saying she could be seen as abusive, if the genders were reversed and the man wanted the woman to move out, said she was abusive with no evidence, got his family and mates to confirm it, wanted her to pay half the mortgage for him to live there, even though it would make her homeless, and lose her job as she’d need to move miles away, would you say rhe same ?

You said you took out loans to do the kitchen etc. Where is that money now? Did those jobs get done? Is it just the finishing touches that need doing still?

I agree with previous posters, either you and your h get a couple of quotes each and agree on one and get it done. Or go in with you friends/family members who are going to do it when he won't be there. You have access to the house and you say he's barely there anyway. If he does turn up and get aggressive then you have witnesses. Unless he's randomly turning up mob handed then he's going to be out numbered so unlikely to try anything anyway. Then you can get the house on the market immediately with a reasonable enough price to get a quick sale. This whole thing really could be wrapped up pretty quickly if you just get on and do it.

She has mentioned on several occasions being upset that she can no longer monitor her estranged husbands movements on a ring doorbell because he removed it.

Stalking is abuse.

It is possible that they are both abusive, but OP has definetly implicated herself on here today.

So she knows he’s not home and she can enter her house without fear. And to see if he’s actually even living there. Not to check up on him.

What kind of dad would not say - ‘I am spending my time at my girlfriends so how about you and our child stay in the family home and I’ll find somewhere when I’m not at my girlfriends.

This can’t be a serious post.

“What kind of dad would not say - ‘I am spending my time at my girlfriends so how about you and our child stay in the family home and I’ll find somewhere when I’m not at my girlfriends.”

no dad would say this. Unless they were a total idiot