Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

My parents are selling their house and moving into retirement accommodation where I wouldn’t be able to stay with them.

I will be expected to live with someone who screams and shouts at me in front of our child?

So you have agreed you have full custody of the child?

OP the point is this isn’t a topic of a legal ruling.
Do you see how serious it is to ban someone from a house they legally own?! Do you see how that goes against everything the law lays down in the first place?
This is granted in extreme cases. It has zero to do with who can live where, or who has more options. It’s based on the immediate danger the person presents to their ex. It’s about keeping people safe/ alive, not about who can rent or who has options

You can’t force him to move out of a home and pay the mortgage given the evidence you have presented

Going through family court for a child arrangements order. He’s asking for EOW and 1 overnight a week. So even if he gets that I will still be the main carer.

I understand it is serious, but as I have said I can’t live with him. I am scared of him and find him threatening. It wouldn’t be safe for me and our child to be under the same roof as him.

Oh love. I get it. I've been in your shoes, believe me.

Have your parents sold their house yet? Is the conveyancing progressing? Couldn't they postpone for a few months until your divorce is sorted?

You being scared doesn’t mean you can force him from his home however harsh that feels

Thank you for being understanding, the conveyancing is progressing yes. I don’t think it is an option to delay as they would potentially lose their sale and purchase.

But the court will expect him to be able to house the child too? You won't be providing 100% of the care. You're being really quite entitled and the court will not see it your way.

Why does he seem to have more rights to be in the home than me and our child?

He doesn’t have any contact with our child at the moment, that is all with the family court. So he doesn’t need to house our child right now, no.

Why doesn't he have contact?

so are you refusing him access to the child ? He wouldn’t be going to the family court if he didn’t want access ? And you make a fuss that the family home is better for the child? And you want him to pay your mortgage ?

darling - you need to move on from these thoughts and be more practical. It will hurt and stress you less in the long run

He was initially, but he has refused to have any contact with me since I filed for these orders, so we can’t make arrangements for him to see our child due to that. He’s said in his statement that it’s because he is in fear of further allegations. I’ve offered parents and friends as a third party.

Unfortunately you have no evidence that you and your child would not be safe. It is clear you do not wish to be under the same roof - but you left the property and made other arrangements- albeit temporary.
In most cases like this I have known, both parties have had to remain in the house until
it is sold where neither can afford rent as well as half the mortgage.
Neither of you can have the penny and the bun. He has to let you move back in but you cannot make him leave. It is incredibly hard and I am sorry for you - but you have asked for the likelihood of getting an occupation order - and the chances seem very low and you need to accept this. You were clearly aware that it is not a given, else you would not be asking for views.
Get the house on the market asap.

I don’t want him to pay the mortgage, only half which is what I have been doing?

I have never refused him access to our child.

The family home is better for our child than living out of a suitcase or being homeless surely.

isnt abuse verbal too not just physical?

Is the topic of him spending time with your DS part of the mediation discussions?

i feel for you. You’re simply trying to provide a stable home for your son. But it also looks as though you’re trying to take your ex for everything which has made him very defensive.

you move back in and when he shouts at you in front of your child you call social services and or/ the police and report it.

Op it’s really clear from what you’re saying that you don’t want to live with him. No one does in a divorce, it’s shit. But unless there is a clear danger your chances seem very low if your argument in court is what you’re saying here.

as an example, recently I had a friend who lost a occupation order that cost £18k in legal fees. She had documented abuse with the police social services and the school. The ex abused their 17 year old to the point the 17 year old was living in premier inns and air bnbs to keep them safe.

they still didn’t get an occupation order. The court said they’d all be just as safe if the friend rented a house for them all. The friend couldn’t even do this financially- her parents had to lend her the money.

Nevertheless you can’t ask him to pay anything if you don’t want him in the house

there is no evidence of abuse

you are in a tit for tat situation

save your time energy and move on form this

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

Do you mean once divorced? That's outrageous. Divorce is non fault, so how much you both don't like each other won't impact the legal process.
The house needs to be up for sale as soon as possible. Fighting and refusing to agree is benefitting no one.

I mean until the divorce has gone through and we both get our equity from the house.

And yes abuse can be verbal but it’s evidence that’s missing and just “shouting” isn’t much - depends what was shouted for a start

Sell the house asap
ring the mortgage company there generally quite good and will do a payment holiday look a rental now to secure long term
occupation order will add to your problems rather than solve them

you don’t have to wait for divorce to go through before you can sell the house