Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

Do you have a non-molestation order in place? Or applying for one.

Is this domestic abuse or arguing between you?

Is he being investigated or bailed for domestic abuse charges?

Id so evidence of these will help your argument.

You can sometimes get occupation orders where the other party makes a contribution to housing costs & hopefully someone with legal knowledge will comment but I don't think you will get half the mortgage.

I have never reported anything to police, no.
I did speak to a domestic abuse charity after I left.
No non-mol but I did apply for one at the same time as the occupation order.
My side is that this was domestic abuse, his side is that we did have arguments at the end of the relationship but these were mutual.
I won’t be able to afford to stay in the house unless he pays his half of the mortgage. I have been paying my half since I left even though he has been living there.
Not sure if I will get a non-mol as there hasn’t been an incidents since the breakup. We haven’t had contact now since I filed for the orders.

I think your chances of an occupation order are slim to none.

Long term courts prefer a clean break of finances at divorce - neither of you can afford to keep the house but you want him to pay half the mortgage AND rent somewhere local? Not going to happen I'm afraid. You'll be instructed to sell the house and sever finances other than CMS - how do you expect him to afford to pay half your mortgage and a place of his own? You will also be expected to maximise your income by working ft.

There's not enough cash in the pot for you to retain the house. The sooner you accept this the quicker you can both move on.

What was the sticking point during meditation? What do you think the outcome could possibly be?

Even with abuse I have no chance of an occupation order?

I am only asking for it until the conclusion of the financial proceedings, I accept the house will be sold. Neither of us can buy the other one out although it was discussed it’s not a reality.

You say he can’t pay half the mortgage and rent, but I am expected to do the same? I can’t continue to stay with family and live out of a suitcase with my child. I absolutely cannot live with this man.

He does pay CMS and half of nursery but it’s not much. I can’t work full time I am still breastfeeding.

The sticking point of mediation is really just how the equity will be split. I put more into the house than him as a deposit and some of this was my inheritance. It was a short marriage. He wants an equal split I I’ve been advised I should get more because I am the main carer of our child too.

If you can’t afford the house alone then you have to sell it

I know that but I need somewhere to live in the meantime?

What's the abuse though? Arguing at the end of the relationship or a long-term pattern of emotional/physical/financial/sexual harm that you didn't report to the police?

(Not minimising what has happened, been there, bought the t-shirt believe me..)

Short marriage (how long??) usually means you get out of the house what you put in, having a DC complicates things but in your favour if DC is staying with you.

Bf doesn't mean you get a 'get-out-of-working-full-time' pass. There are ways you can still bf whilst working ft, bf doesn't last forever and from 6m baby will be taking other foods. You're already back at work assuming DC is at nursery (don't they feed DC at nursery?) and he's actually not obliged to pay nursery fees in any case, fuckery that that is!

Currently you can stay with relatives for free, that's your incentive to speed up the financials - if you move back, he has to rent, he can't afford to may the mortgage too, it's not going to work, you could drag it out for years (again been there done that, my ex stayed in the house 3 years before a judge forced the sale while I rented with DC, though I wasn't paying the mortgage).

Generally if one person stays in the house they pay the mortgage, them paying the other persons half is in lieu of rent.

You have somewhere to live at the moment op. If you don't want to stay with your family you can't afford to live in the house under your own means. It's a no-win situation for now. Hasten the divorce, find a ft job and get the house up for sale.

He could also stay with relatives for free? I understand it involves moving but why should our child be technically homeless while he lives in the family home? To be honest I expected him to do the right thing.

Married 5 years.

And how does the court distinguish between abuse and what you say are arguments at the end of the relationship? Because that’s what he is saying it is. I say he removed our child from me in a threatening manner, shouted and was aggressive during arguments.

The court would expect you to live in it together until you have alternative options. Courts won't grant an occupation order unless there is documentated domestic abuse, sorry to say

I can’t live with him.

What is a “documented” abuse history? I have witnesses statements from family and friends which detail how they witnessed the way he used to speak to me, the lack of involved care for our child.

He could also rent because I believe he has savings.

The bar is very, very high. How much is this costing you?

The court doesn’t expect one of you to move out unless you are in danger. And if you are in danger, it’s also acceptable to expect the victim to move out for safety.

You can’t expect him to pay your mortgage so you need to rethink

the child won’t suffer from moving

house on the market

You need evidence of domestic abuse. That doesn't have to be a police record but a report from a domestic abuse service would do. Even so if it's 'only' verbal abuse and not of long-standing it still probably wouldn't be sufficient evidence

You have somewhere to live so you have options

But it’s his house too op 🤷‍♀️ you can’t just kick him out and expect him to keep
paying half the mortgage

Neither of you can afford private rent and half the mortgage but you need him to pay half the mortgage? Eh?

I don’t, my family have said I can no longer stay with them and they have detailed this in their statements.

It is also mine and my child’s house. He is a single man he has more options.
I only want us to be in the house until the finances are settled and house is sold.

Why because you’ve told them say that so it will help your case? I can’t see that family would genuinely make you leave I’ve you’ve said you can’t return to the family home if your ex is there.

It’s highly likely you’ll be expected to live in it together, this is normal in a divorce

Unfortunately that's not what an occupation order is for

He has more options than me. Even if he stays locally he could get a bedsit or go in a house share, which aren’t options for me with a young child.

I don’t earn enough to pay the full mortgage on my own if I am able to move back in. I’ve been paying my half while he has been living there on his own so why shouldn’t he continue to pay if I can move back in? I don’t get that?

Arguments towards the end of a relationship are to be expected, a natural consequence or a marriage ending. Domestic abuse is 'an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence'. Which does your situation fall into?

I feel for you op, I really do. But having come out of an abusive relationship myself I think your expectations are wildly unrealistic. Sorry.