I don't bloody want lasagne

[woofywoof]

Due to things going on at the moment for me, I am in a foul/sad/unhappy/miserable mood today. I am due to go to my friends house tonight, but:

1. she is making lasagne. I don't want bloody lasagne - no dinner put in front of me right now will cheer me up, I want dinner but couldn't tell you what I would want .. if anything
2. she has told me her 2 teen DD will be there for dinner too. No disrespect to her DDs, they are lovely, but I can just as well sit at home with my DDs and have dinner, which I might as well do if her DD will be with us ? why would I want to sit with her DDs when I can play happy families at home with mine? no malice or sarcasm intended by that

I probably sound ungrateful for her inviting me and offering dinner. Imo, my friend just wants the adult conversation/company, rather than spend the eve with her just her DDs who just sit on their phones all eve, if not in their rooms - but that is not my problem.

Lasagna I would just eat even though it’s not my absolute favourite, it’s not the worst either.
Teenage child? No. I don’t want to spend time with someone else’s children so I wouldn’t go.

This is what humans do though! Invite others to break bread round the table... there is a long tradition of this being a nice thing to do 😁

You're clearly in a bad mood, say you're not well and save everyone the strain of it @woofywoof

I think this is the best option.

Pull yourself together and give yourself a kick up the bum. Go out, get some fresh air and exercise, and walk off your bad mood. By the time you're finished kicking the pavement, putting the world to rights and telling every fucker what you think of them in your head, you'll have worked up an appetite. Then you eat a bit of her lasagne, the kids will fuck off out of the way sharpish because they don't want to be in your company any more than you want to be in their's, and then you can get pissed on red wine and all will be right with the world again.

I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't think it was strange if I was invited to a friend's for dinner and we ate with the whole family. I think that's fairly normal. Presumably you'll be hanging out after dinner for a few drinks and that will be adult only?

you could go and take your own lovely DD’s with you, that’d teach her

Do your friend a favour. Decline the invite and stay home and fester in your own misery.

Tonight would be better spent with a nice long bath and a good book. You need a mental reset. A friend inviting you for a casual meal shouldn’t inspire this much hostility.

Indeed.

Nothing weird about it OP.

But why wouldn't she? I don't understand.

What? I don't think this woman could do anything right in your eyes right now, and that's because you're in a shit place right now for whatever reason. Don't throw hospitality and friendship back in her face by showing up in this kind of mood. It's not fair to her.

Reschedule and drink some wine with a movie or something.

because the OP has daugnters of her own at home, as described in her initial post,
ergo, she will be leaving her own children at home to go sit at her friend’s table with friend’s daughters

I can’t tell if you’re being lightheartedly grumpy or serious.

She’s not making you leave your kids at home and go to keep her and her kids company over lasagne.

She’s presumably thought you could use some company / a break / whatever because you’re having a hard time, and because she’s also got her own life stuff to deal with, and can’t find childcare or time to prepare your special favourite meal, the best she can offer you right now is to join her in the evening she already had planned.

Also, if you are often in this sort of mood where everything feels disappointing and affronting and not good enough, chances are she’s learned there’s no point going out of her way to please you. She may also want her kids around as a deterrent in case you try to drag her down with you into your bleak mood.

You’re free to decline. Why not have an early night and hope things look brighter tomorrow.

Don't inflict yourself on anyone else tonight, OP, far less an inoffensive lasagne.
Raincheck it.

Don't go. You are clearly not in a position to be polite guest.

You should cancel. Nothing she has done is weird at all. She is being kind. You are being pretty rude but I realise you are in a bad bood so fair enough I guess.

Cancel though and realise it is 100% a you problem

It's just as much effort to be in a bad mood as good.

Shake yourself out of it op and go and enjoy time with your friend.

The oddest part to me is that she apparently hasn't invited your children - and partner if you live with one - too. It's not a one on one where the two of you can talk freely and enjoy each other's company, but it's also not really an invitation to a family dinner. Has she possibly expected her DDs to be out and discovered they'll be home after she invited you? I'd just tell her you're feeling bad and can't make it tonight. But if you really don't ever want to go to hers for dinner then better to tactfully tell her. If she pursues rescheduling, maybe suggest going out for dinner just the two of you on another night?

I think you're just feeling really negative and struggling right now because this is a really normal thing in my experience.

I hope you feel.more yourself soon.

Well, regardless, this isn't the day for her to confront your thoughts on that. She said she is feeling particularly low.

I think the dinner invitation is normal OP. Maybe just ask if there will be a chance for a quiet private chat, but I don't think you can ask her not to have her dc eat with you.

I feel a bit sad for the friend who is probably blissfully making the OP lasagne while the OP is talking about how she doesn't want bloody lasagne and it's weird that she was even invited.

But inviting people over for dinner is either a DINNER thing, probably with several guests, in which case you feed small dc early/bribe teenage dc with takeaway or snacks to stay out of everyone’s hair.

OR it’s a mate coming over for informal dinner followed by a lovely cathartic bitch about life the universe & everything, I would expect family dinner, kids disappear, crack open the wine & chat.

But if you’re in a foul mood today then just rain check the whole thing. Again if someone I’d invited for ‘join us for lasagne then we’ll catch up with a few drinks’ messaged me to say ‘you know what, I’d be lousy company, let’s do it another time’ - I’d be completely unbothered by that.

If you did it twice in a row I’d stop asking you, to be fair, but it’s not exactly an invite to the Met Ball, it’s kitchen supper & wine. No big deal either way.

I would just say you aren’t good company today - can you rearrange

I don't usually think it's right to cancel things at the last minute, emergencies aside, but if you really aren't going to able to be nice, it might be better to do that. In your shoes, I'd just go and try to be nice. With a lot of things in life you don't feel like doing (going out, exercise, relationships), it sometimes takes time and effort to push yourself, but long term makes you happier, plus maybe she needs to talk to another adult.
Whether you like the food isn't really the point, unless you actually can't eat it.

This. You sound like a petulant toddler. Go and stamp your feet somewhere else.