Rules for being old

[TheFamousSix]

This is a bit mean spirited but I am writing myself a list of rules for when I am old based on the things I am struggling with regarding my own parents.

My list so far

Your kids do not care about your friends' illnesses (unless it impacts you eg your friend is dying or you are caring for them)

If you wouldn't say it to your daughter in law then don't say it to your daughter (eg judgement of parenting things)

Only offer food once, or twice max. It is not generous to offer a dozen times, just annoying.

Any others?

Don't fall...it's harder to get up.

Yeah. When shall we go? If we could get enough MNers we could charter a bus!

This

Don't assume doctors know what they're talking about. Two were unable to identify my balance issue that a physio diagnosed in 5 minutes.

Ok… so if you think there are £0000 stashed away, then it’s worth your while to sift through the paperwork to find it.

If you know your parents don’t have two beans to rub together, you can just throw it all in a skip

My point is that unless it’s hazardous, it’s actually none of our business whether our parents hang onto stuff. I think it’s a horrible notion to make oneself “death ready” for the ease of those who will inherit one’s wealth. It’s hard enough decluttering at our age ( as evidenced by the many threads on this theme) and those in their 80s might not have the energy to go through paperwork or make decisions about stuff that was once sentimental and quite frankly I don’t blame them. It’s THEIR lives.

I'm old
I really must remember to stock up on drugs so I can top myself

Oooh here’s a good illustration of another one - don’t be passive aggressive if you want relatives to willingly spend time with you.
If you have ‘heath issues’ get treatment, don’t bore on about them.

Oooh here’s another illustration of one another - don’t be passive aggressive if you want relatives to willingly spend time with you.

I'd willingly run a mile from some of the relatives on here, not want them to spend time with me. (Well, I say run. Amble is more like it).

'Don't be passive aggressive' is a good rule at ANY age.

This is a particularly nasty thread.
When your parents get old it's like looking in the mirror and seeing yourself in 25 years time. Perhaps that's scary.
Of course none of these posters will ever face loneliness or chronic ill health or live with constant pain because they do everything right and modern medicine can make all health problems go away. People who get sick in old age have only themselves to blame for doing it wrong.
So I must remember now that I'm old that I should never mention illness or pain as I don't want to bore my offspring.
I've cleared my parents and in laws house after death and I don't hoard. But should I get rid of all my stuff just in case?

What's with all the Don'ts on here? So many stereotypes and negativity
How would some of you like it if the older people on this thread were listing all the Don'ts that younger people need to adhere to?

I'll go first.....Don't ignore the person who carried you,cared for you, loved you for 30 odd years.

My clever, funny, active, and loving mother is 78 and this meanspirited thread reminded me to WhatsApp her and make sure she's still planning on driving the 300 mi to see us this half term. Cos we love her and like spending time with her.

Don't take things you see on Facebook as gospel

My health issues are just as important to me as yours are to you

If you have been given hearing aids by the clinic, it's not because everyone is mumbling, it's because you need them (well done for sorting the appointment though!)

Make a will - one 40 years old is not going to cut it when your kids have wives and kids of their own

If you are not "ready" for POA, that is the best time to sort it

and many, many more..............................

This is a particularly nasty thread.

Isn't it. Still, it's given some posters an excuse to get rid of their bile towards their elderly relatives.

Perhaps we should start one.

Don't leave your financial affairs and your house in a total hoarding mess for your kids to sort out.

Don't use every family dinner as a platform to discuss your newest plan for who you are leaving things to in your will when you die - in front of your five year old child. Don't end the conversation by saying "You'll all be sorry when I'm dead."

I am used to ageism online; it seems to be one of the 'isms; that no one thinks is important.
To be honest, when I see obviously younger posters making digs about older people, I just think, 'fuck off.' If you are lucky, you will be old one day, and hopefully, you will reap what you sow.😎

Not just because, but there are changes with age which are easy to miss. Pain, memory problems, fear, loneliness.

Embrace change and step outside your comfort zone.

Not just because, but there are changes with age which for other people are easy to miss. Pain, memory problems, confusion, sleeplessness don't make for a cheerful mood.

Yes this and actually wear them.

At this moment my kids are writing a similar list for when they are on their 40s. Personally, I don't mind annoying my children, that's part of the job description. (For now I embarrass them, they have all the answers. In the future I will talk about friend's illnesses, they will parent the wrong way. That's how the world is supposed to be).

I take the points about the Don'ts being negative. I admit it was my first thought, because it was a very difficult time. But I am determined not to do some of the things my parents did because I want to leave things in better shape for my DC. So we have sensible wills, and power of attorney sorted out. When we go I don't want all our clutter to be a burden to them,they will probably have enough decisions to make anyway..and why should they? . and I want to make decisions now whilst I've still got all my marbles.

Your kids are adults, let them be adults without interfering in their life.

Enjoy yourself. The time for looking after children and parents is done. This is your time to embrace the senior years of your life.

Your social circle may be smaller but you know who your friends are. They been with you through thick and think for many years.

You understand that family is inherited. Some family you love and remain in your life, some you detested and lost track years ago. And you don't suffer guilty trips.

By now you don't give a crap about stuff you used to care about 30 years ago. Enjoy it with glee.

.

This is so true. My dad ran away to sea (ok, joined the merchant navy) and has many adhd traits.