Rules for being old

[TheFamousSix]

This is a bit mean spirited but I am writing myself a list of rules for when I am old based on the things I am struggling with regarding my own parents.

My list so far

Your kids do not care about your friends' illnesses (unless it impacts you eg your friend is dying or you are caring for them)

If you wouldn't say it to your daughter in law then don't say it to your daughter (eg judgement of parenting things)

Only offer food once, or twice max. It is not generous to offer a dozen times, just annoying.

Any others?

Give your children permission to tell you when you should stop driving.
And plan a life for when you can’t drive.

Do not tolerate being called “poppet” or people “We-ing” you (as in “have we opened our bowels today?”). You have a name, make them use it.

Definitely stop talking about the neighbour’s operation! Enjoy hobbies so you make friends with younger people who have more interesting topics of conversation.
Don’t assume you need other people to download an app to your phone / you are an intelligent person and ‘tech’ is designed now foolproof even for stupid people.

It's great that when you actually get old you don't give a toss about rules and say what you like. Generally exactly the same as when you are not old.

GET A HEARING AID!!!!!

I'm already old. One thing I have taken on board is a generic/minimal response to people who ask "how are you". I can remember my late mother having visitors who mistakenly asked her that and were still being told hours later as they were trying to edge out of the door!

The first one is the one to really try and remember. My mother in law loves a friend's ailment. If I mention anyone in the family with an ailment (sore knee, cough etc) you can rest assured she has a friend with the same symptoms but worse. And then we are set for the next 10 minutes of detail about this unknown friend's sore knee 15 years ago.

Sorry I posted the OPs original post BTW. Error.

Agree and all adult generations fart and brag about their children’s achievements!

TBF, that goes for everyone.

See also, don't complain about having x ailment if you're not prepared to a) take the medication recommended and/or b) try to help yourself with lifestyle changes and having some personal responsibility.

Yes’ 😂😂

Number one rule I have as an older woman is to throw all the rules I thought were important as a younger woman out the window

Once you get somewhere past 50 you give yourself more grace to just breathe and be you

Now I just go with the flow more and relax about relationships with people

Omg…. Yes yes yes to not caring about friends’ illnesses. I’ve bad a row with DM about this. She tells me every day about her friends’ illnesses and I have been saying I’m not interested etc and let’s talk about something else becuase are intelligent women with bigger fish to fry…… she just keeps on doing it. I lost my temper with her about this a few days ago.

i would amend your food one ….. Dm “more crumble?” me “no thanks”. DM then proceeds to spoon more crumble (or whatever) onto my dish. I always say to her “why ask if you are not going to listen to the answer” and she just laughs. Infuriating. She Doen’T listen most of the time actually, but particularly not in this situation.

Book in for talking therapy. DM tries to use me as her counsellor. I don’t have the capacity to take this on and it has impacted on my health. Needless to say she didn’t listen when I begged her to book in for talking therapy. Next time something big happens, I shall be insisting not begging.

On the plus side, DM has a wonderful zest for life. She looks after her health by staying active and eating good food. She has also built up a close relationship with all the grandchildren. I will be following her in those ways.

Oh God I wish it was as easy as making this a "rule". My mum always said she wanted to go quickly and would ensure her life wasn't "saved" just in order to go on living a half life in care home.

Guess where she is now? 😞

Sorry, I don't want to bring the thread down.

When I'm old I plan to spoil my grandkids rotten. My parents don't, and while I don't resent them for it, I do wish my DD had that experience.

This is interesting. I'm what you might call old and having health issues. Being expected to give the generic "I'm fine" response is really galling. I'm NOT fine - why should I have to pretend otherwise? I mean I wouldn't bore on and on but if close friends and relatives ask surely they must expect an honest answer? (I'm not going to regale the postman with all my issues).

I'm assuming that all the people on this thread saying "don't talk about X- no one cares" are exceptional conversationalists who have never bored anybody in their lives 😂or is it only old people who aren't allowed to choose their own topics of conversation?

I think this is a good idea for a thread!
There are a lot of things I can do now to help myself not have the problems my mother had in old age. Here are a few that haven't been mentioned a lot, I don't think-

Do kegel exercises now; recognise when you need adult nappies later on...
Enjoy life
Take care of yourself
Sort out money issues before you are senile

One I can''t prearrange
Don't marry someone when you are 102, who is marrying you because marriage overrides the will which leaves everything to your kids

Don't marry someone when you are 102, who is marrying you because marriage overrides the will which leaves everything to your kids

Oh, I don’t know - if that person lets you talk about things you’re interested in and doesn’t expect you to chuck out your precious things, maybe they deserve the inheritance more 😉

Do not talk endlessly and in great detail about people we don't know.

Such a good point. I have done that on aa lot of old photos.

This hit home this morning!! I love my mum dearly but spent an hour last night listening to hear complain about 2 ailments (not major issues) that she would prefer to 'fix' herself rather than see her lovely GP.

At the end I just left it at "well it's up to you".

Having had a parent who was a hoarder, yes, they will be howling with rage.

A rusted through tea tray that used to have a picture of a cat on it, 57 part used rolls of tin foil, 940 knives, forks, spoons, 4 mouldy refrigerators and 5 mouse infested cupboards complete with food that passed its use by dates at various points over the last 45 years, a tumble dryer blocking the kitchen door that was last used in 1974 and 38 rusty saucepans amongst other 'precious memories' really was not worth attacking the poor fucker that was trying to get her not evicted for presenting a fire hazard to the neighbours with a garden rake stored under the 28 coats that had been in the hallway unworn since 1984 at the latest over.

Yes and the day to day timings of people who live next door/opposite and how come they can have a day off work????? Annual Leave. Annual Leave......

High waisted trousers.
Carpet slippers (and of course carpets).
Trolley things to move shopping around.
Wethers Originals.

Having visited 6 care home/nursing homes in my life, this is what I fear the most.

I don’t get the hoarding comments

Unless they are living with you, or you have to clean around it, why does it impact you?

I've bought one. Impressed by it! Not filled a single page in it yet though......