What would you think of your son 18 was dating a 21 year old woman ?

[Lastdaysofsummer26]

Happening to a friend of mine son and she’s not feeling too comfortable about it, the 21 year old was previously in. Three yearlong relationship with someone a year or two older then her

And then when you try to correct people you get accused of excusing child sexual abuse by simply saying 'thats not a pedophile'

I do. I have no idea about my sons’ love life details and thank god for that. 🫣

Bizarre question.

At 18 and 21, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the age gap itself. They’re both adults, and three years isn’t much at that age. I’d be more interested in whether the relationship is healthy and respectful.

Why are you assuming hes a school lever?most schools near me dont have sixth forms
So 16+ go to either sixth form colleges or FE colleges or apprenticeships
When my son was at college there were other students aged 20+

Oh so you're happy for an experienced 21 year old man to date an 18 year old virgin woman?

You were demeaning.

It's creepy you are this involved in a young man's sex life.

Oh yes, I do hate that! I've learnt I have to explain carefully to avoid it, but I really don't like the way that the common incorrect usage of 'paedophile' waters down the gravity of the actual meaning.

At 18 and 21, it would be a non issue.

My Dad was 17 when he started dating my DM who was 21. They were married for over 50 years until DM died, they were devoted to each other.
I met my DH at 27 he was 23, still together 33 years later.
A 3/4 year age gap is nothing!

No! I was 23 and as a more mature student going to university I put myself into no boyfriend for the next 3 years for me, met my now DH in the first week and we’ve been together 31 years, he was 18. Was worried about his parents not liking it, but turns out they were the same type of age difference and met at uni

How on earth do you know he was a virgin? Leave him alone. You’re far too invested in his private life.

Mine were given condoms at 15 and told not to be stupid. That's as much involvement in their sex life I wish to have.

They've even been washing their own bedding since they were 12.

It very much depends on the 18 year old
My son had a hairy chest and sporting a full beard at 15 he absolutley didnt look like a child
And looks about 30 now and hes 19 .

Know plenty of 17 year olds that don't look like children.

Do you think this man looks 18?

I was 18 and my husband was 21 when we met. Now we are 40 and 43 and been together nearly 23 years.

what are you unsure about?

My two are blonde and struggle with their lack of body/facial hair but some of their friends are exactly the same as your son.

Hadn't seen one of the primary school friends from one Christmas to the next, he went from the kid I recognised to a fully grown man I could have mistaken for his father. He was 16.

I’d also add op, he may have been a virgin before, but I’d bet good money he is not now.

I have to disagree, but only based on my opinion and experience.

When I was 17.5, still in second year of college, I started seeing someone who was 21. Looking back now I can't see what he saw in me ( besides the obvious).

I couldn't drive, still lived at home, was a virgin and didn't really know what I wanted from life.

He was a 21 year old man who had been out of school for years. He made me tell his friends I was almost 19, so he clearly felt uncomfortable too. There was a real unusual power dynamic. He would treat me like he knew better all the time (which he probably did, as he had life experience and I had none) and it felt belittling.

It fizzled out when I decided to go to uni at 21 and I started to form my own opinions. I think he just liked to feel superior. The books I read weren't as impressive as the books he read. The music I listened to was cringe and his seminal masterpieces.

This is just my experience though. I'm sure some 18 year old are more experienced than I was and all 21 year olds aren't insecure and predatory.

Yes my nephews are blonde and a.few years older than my son and dont really need to shave very often

This is along the lines of what my father would say to me when older men took an interest. “Why can’t they find anyone their own age?”

It’s not that it can never be ok. But it’s. It weird for a parent to be concerned, either.

I had a bit of a disastrous fling with someone when I was 21 and he was 18. Initially it wasn't clear he was as young as he was (we met on holiday, he was with mates and I was living / working there and age never came up). He didn't go home with his friends and stayed an extra few weeks with me. By then I knew his exact age it didn't occur to me he was still at home with his parents and living quite a childlike existence. Although he'd done a fair bit of shagging about despite his young(er than me) age.

I met his parents, we had a LDR for a while and we ended up meeting each others folks. We stayed in hotels when we travelled to see each other though.

Anyway I digress. It all ended in tears (mine) and the only person to suffer was me. I have never dabbled with a toyboy since and that was over 25 years ago!

Wouldn't be impressed now if it was my DS (or my DD come to think of it) but I think both lots of parents were sensible and let it run it's course without any interference.

A pervert??!! It’s 3 years for gods sake not 33!

Sounds absolutely fine.
When I was 21, I was in a relationship with a 19 year old. We were both at uni and had similar interests. I had previously had a 2-3 yr relationship. He had not. I taught him to drive in my car as I was old enough! We were together 7 years 🤷‍♀️

It’s quite a gap in terms of life experience if the 18 yr old is at school and 21 yr old just finished uni but if we’re talking first year uni and 3rd year uni then not an issue.
There's nothing wrong with it per se though.

She’s still in school in sixth form whereas he’s finished uni and is working. Just seems a big difference in life experience. I know it’s only 3 years though 🤷🏻‍♀️