What would you think of your son 18 was dating a 21 year old woman ?

[Lastdaysofsummer26]

Happening to a friend of mine son and she’s not feeling too comfortable about it, the 21 year old was previously in. Three yearlong relationship with someone a year or two older then her

The gap itself isn’t much although I appreciate people mature a lot in those years. So it would probably be just a matter of the actual person rather than the age gap.

Why would he not enjoy his “first lads holiday?” He was a virgin until recently so clearly he isn’t a raging shagger.

I had a boyfriend when I went on my first girls trip away age 17. I managed to have a brilliant time without cheating on my boyfriend.

Are you sure this isn’t your DS? You seem VERY invested.

Fuck me, why are you so invested? They are three years apart, not thirty three. Neither of them are even your kid. Untwist your knickers, you weirdo.

Nothing.

I also believe that as a society we've become far too hung up on age gaps in relationships. Of course, where there is any question of undue influence (the teacher who ran away with the student, a power imbalance, a very much older adult with someone who is barely out of adolesence) then there rightfully are safeguarding concerns.

But this now seems to be an issue whenever there is any larger age gap, or an older woman with a younger man. It's become taboo in the way that same-sex relationships were still taboo when I was an adolescent (whereas relationships between lecturers and students were not unheard of and perfectly accepted, albeit a definite example of a power imbalance).

It's become disproportionate, IMO. 18 and 21 is nothing. It probably won't last, anyway.

It’s of course fine on paper but my first thought is that young men seem less mature than young women so he’ll probably start to annoy her at some point. I work with young people and I do see a stark difference, especially when they’re with their friends. Or it might make him mature faster !

So she's more experienced? What are you expecting? When people come together they have pasts, as an adult you have to learn to deal with it.
Or, you could go down the incel route, woman should forever be virgin's, but do whatever whim her guy demands sexually, and be shamed for possibly having 1 more sexual partner than her current?

That sounds a really weird way to think, do you think it's something to do with how you feel about yourself? , therapy can help

I'd think it none of my business.

I'd left home by 18 and certainly never kept my parents informed about my sex life.

Wow what an absolute immature pervert he was.

I wouldn't think anything of it.

18 yos act like school kids because parents baby them,its ridiculous. Thr amount of threads on here where parents alhave ridiculous curfews for 18yos, remove their phones at night etc etc. Its no wonder they still behave like school kids!

One of my relatives - mid 20s - has taken up with a very attractive and wealthy widower in his early 50s. He has just proposed to her. I told her to go for it as she will never have to work again. People have to make their own decisions. You don't date or marry to please your relatives.

OP, it’s obviously your son

Don’t see a issue got with my now husband when I was 18 him 21 been together 25 years . It’s not a massive age gap

Oh not this old chestnut again. It's well known own on mumsnet that nobody must ever date anyone more than 6 months older/younger than themselves 😂

What age gap would you be okay with? Narrows the pool significantly if only allowed to date within 12 months of his own age..

Some up thread called a '23 year old boy' [technically a 'man' I guess'].
Wtf is THAT all about ? Some people have very strange ideas...🙄

I wouldn't think anything of it unless your son is very immature.

I will admit that when my son was 15 he dated an 18 year old and I didn't like it at all. She lived in a house share rather than with family too. (It was covid times and he swore he never went inside her house as it wasn't allowed but I don't actually know if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.) I did keep thinking what on earth does an adult woman see in a teenage boy. I mean he's a pretty boy but still ...

Anyway it didn't last that long and they both got other partners closer in age but are still friends some years later so maybe they just clicked.

I find it interesting that mum hasn't come back to pass comment on replies or answer questions.

Best thing to do is for the mum to invite the new girlfriend around for dinner. Get to know her and see how the two of them get on before writing the woman off as this or that.

OP it's clear that it's your son, and you're being silly.

Would you rather he was shagging all around him on his holiday than being in a relationship?

Also you don't know and shouldn't be even thinking about his virginity. Most people would not be telling their parents about these things.

When I was 24 I dated a 19 year old. He was as mature as me. We got on great and was only distance in the end that we didnt continue. Fast forward a year and I met my children's dad he was 21 and I was 25 amd we were together 14 yesrs and 2 kids.

Surely the fact that she’s got relationship experience is a positive thing. He hasn’t got experience but she will hopefully be able to model mature relationship behaviour for him.

What is the worry? She’s going to corrupt him? Or force him to settle down soon? I can’t think of any more reasons, what are they? Preconceived idea that the male should be older?

That’s a pretty normal age gap.
Why does it matter that he was a virgin and she wasn’t ? Again normal . Plenty of students date other students a few years older or younger. I don’t understand why an age gap matters unless there is a big power difference. My Mum was older than my Dad, I am older than my DH, both very happy marriages.
Your friend sounds as though she is babying her son, and doesn’t like his girlfriend, as it is quite strange to mind that she went on holiday with a previous boyfriend and has a car !!!!

I completely agree.

I do think 18 and 21 are very different in terms of maturity and life experiences.
Just like a 16 and 19 are going to be very different.

But people can be the same age and there still be a power imbalance so it just depends on the individuals.

This may be the best relationship he’ll ever have because she’s that more mature and experienced.
Or they might just not be compatible.