What would you think of your son 18 was dating a 21 year old woman ?

[Lastdaysofsummer26]

Happening to a friend of mine son and she’s not feeling too comfortable about it, the 21 year old was previously in. Three yearlong relationship with someone a year or two older then her

What an odd post about a friend’s son.
3 years at 18 and 21 is perfectly normal. I really don’t see what his “lad’s trip” has got to do with it or why it’s a problem that he has a girlfriend so wouldn’t sleep around on holiday. Weird.

Anyone else thinking there's something not quite ringing true about this thread.....?🤔

Would you be so concerned if the ages were reversed?

I mean she’s 21 so it’s not like she’s gonna hound him for marriage and babies (probably). As long as she doesn’t go round the freshers fair trying to scoop up a new freshly turned 18 year old every week (which she doesn’t based on your OP) then it’s fine.

When one of my brothers was 19 he dated a 23 year old and it was actually really good for him - he started cleaning his room and ended up moving out and getting his own place. They were together for 8 years and are still in good terms. She was definitely a good influence and I know my mum still secretly hopes they’ll get back together.

Nothing. As tennis fans were reminded this weekend, Roger Federer was 18 when he met his now-wife, Mirka, who was 21. That was 26 years ago.
18 and 21 - two adults, very close in age.

Roger Federer was 18 when he first met his wife, she was 21 at the time, that seems to have turned out OK.

Your friend is quite weird. 21 and 18 are both young adults. It’s fine

I think the mum needs to butt out of her adult son's sex life and stop gossiping with you about him no longer being a virgin getting his end away with a randomer on his 'lad's holiday'.

It seems like a big gap to me. Different maturity levels and life experiences. Hopefully.

She says she wants something serious but that she just wants someone nice

and he’s just so naive and besotted so I can see that dynamic

There's bugger all he's going to 'miss out on' with having a girlfriend while going on a boys' holiday except for shagging randos, and your 'friend' should be glad he's missing that.

It's a normal age gap and it will probably help him grow up a bit.

Unless her son is an international tennis star, it’s not comparable. Federer will have been very disciplined and mature beyond his years at 18.

Mm. I'm buying this thread less and less as posts go on.

I think at 18 I wouldn't think anything up to 25. 25 to 30 I would be slightly uncomfortable. 30 plus id think they where a peado

I get the concern as she is a lot more mature/experienced than him - but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

My DB was dating an older woman (if it was the other way around it would have been seen as creepy tbh) but she would drive him around, they’d go on holiday together, had regular sex I assume, helped him with job applications and he just experienced things that he would have with someone less mature.

I think I’d feel more comfortable with my son dating a slightly older woman as a lot of girls his own age may be immature still but she’s still not old enough to take advantage type thing.

I'm wondering how she finds an 18 year old mature enough if she's 3 years older..

The problem lies with your friend.

She needs to learn to let go of her 'little boy' and find something else to occupy her time.

She's massively overthinking.

No issue, assuming he’s left high school. I would find it weird for an adult to date a sixth former, even if he legally is an adult as well.

I’d be sceptical whether the relationship would last due to being a bit out of sync with lifestyles either now or in the near future, but I wouldn’t say anything or actually worry about it.

Why can't young people shag each other for fun?

Agreed

You seem over invested in them as people. Leave them alone to enjoy their relationship.
He was a virgin so what's that got to do with anything? Most people have their first shag in their teens, it's really no big deal and at least it was with someone he loves.

I don’t see why this makes any difference. She could be dating another 21 year old who had never been in a relationship or had sex etc. An 18 year old is mature enough for a 21 year old.

I would a bit.

An 18yo is barely out of college/6th form and these days pretty immature.

A 21 year old is a proper adult, whilst I see 18yo as still big kids.

I don’t think it has to be a bad thing but when there is an obvious difference in the power dynamic, then I do think many parents would be secretly a bit concerned.

For me it would depend whether the 18 year old was still at school or not. I can’t see what a 21 year old would want to do with a schoolboy. That feels a bit icky.

if the 18 year old is at uni/working? Crack on

I can't help thinking this is mum writing this and dressing it up to get the 'we undersand and he's in the wrong' angle. But it seems most people including me think it's their business and good for them if they are happy. Butt out of it basically.