Should I say something about non-vegan gifts from my in-laws?

[SoFarFromHome]

I would appreciate some opinions on what to do in this situation.

I have been with my partner for 20 years and have been vegan since before I was with him. His family know as we’ve obviously eaten together at each others houses and out in restaurants many times. They have seen me refuse chocolates and sweets made with animal products and when asked why, I’ve told them. I’ve been shopping with his mum where she has suggested things she thought I’d like but they’ve been leather and I’ve said I don’t use/wear leather due to being vegan. It gets a bit wearing after 20 years but I just explain and move on until the next time.

His PILs sometimes buy me chocolates for my birthday, Christmas and Easter that I can’t eat. I don’t bother saying anything anymore as when I have in the past, they have still bought them for me again. My partner eats them or I pass them on to someone else or give to a food bank. It’s annoying but no big deal.

My dilemma now is that they have bought me a leather handbag for my birthday as well as a very large, expensive box of chocolates containing milk. I won’t use the handbag or eat the chocolates. Would you say anything? I don’t want to cause an issue but this isn’t just a £10 box of chocolates this time. They have spent a lot and will expect to see me with the handbag. Do I just thank them and never use it? Thank them but tell the truth? I also think they may mention the chocolates as they’re expensive.

My partner thinks that because they know I’m vegan and have told many times before that I don’t use leather, that I shouldn’t have to be grateful and say thanks. He thinks they are rude to have ignored the fact I’m vegan all these years. I agree but not sure I can be bothered talking to them about it.

I last went shopping with his mum only a few weeks ago and bought some non leather trainers. His mum was pointing out leather ones and I said again that I wouldn’t use leather due to being vegan so it’s not like she has forgot.

We have always tried to buy thoughtful gifts for them. His mum doesn’t like yellow gold jewellery for example so we have only ever bought white gold as that is what she likes. When his dad was on a health kick, we listened and stopped buying him things he had given up like alcohol.

What would you do?

Absolutely ask for the receipts, they are fucking arseholes. This is deliberate: either as an aggressive strategy, or by refusal to offer you the moment of thoughtfulness you deserve.

I’ve just read the whole thread. Awful people. Better off without them in your life. Your poor partner.

I'm pleased for you your partner has your back and am sorry his parents are disrespecting your choices. I had at first been willing to give them some latitude - like my mother, bless her, would get permanently confused between vegetarians and vegans and her mind well and truly blown it could extend to clothing and cosmetics with lanolin in! But given your post here, sadly that's not the case here

@SoFarFromHome They don’t sound very bright to be honest. Have they travelled much, they’re so narrow minded and ignorant, I’d be surprised if they are well travelled.

Carry on doing what you’re doing, you are not in the wrong here. Just make sure you and your dh keep doubling down on it.

I think it's more of their way of disapproving of you and their son choice of their partner due to your personal choices which doesn't fit with their family. Rather than some purpose abuse. They simply dissaprove of you.

Equally I think you need to decide if you fit with this family and if you're going to be happy if they don't accept you because of veganism.

My own father would drop dead if I brought a vegan home and I would expect there to be cow tongues, ears and all sorts for dinner for that occasion.

Perishables like chocolates (expensive or not) I would just give to someone without mentioning it.

Things like handbags (as you mention, they would expect you to wear it) I'd return to them and politely say you don't wear leather so you won't be able to use it.

By the sounds of it you explained veganism plenty of times and they just don't get it. I'd give up educating them at this point.

They really have now exposed themselves and shown their true colours.
Toxic people. You do t need them in your life. Your husband is a keeper.

They really have now exposed themselves and shown their true colours.
Toxic people. You do t need them in your life. Your husband is a keeper.

Sorry you got such a shit dad who would judge your partner based on diet rather than how they would treat you. Your dad sounds pathetic.

OP has been with her partner for 20 years so isn’t going anywhere. It sounds like her husband sees that his parents are a pair of intolerant cunts, similar to your dad, and has firmly put them in their place. Good for OPs husband.

Hey Op! I'd like to preface this by saying I'm not Veg/Vegan. This shouldn't be important, but for so many of these posts, it is.

I know you deliberately didn't post in. Aibu but, no,you're not.

And thank f#=#( you have a supportive partner. What a guy (assuming, maybe not?). Your in-laws are dicks, end of. I'd started writing this before your update came in, so I feel even more validated in saying fuck those guys.

You've been very respectful, and if the context is to be believed your partner doesn't share your lifestyle so even more props to them.

I'm actually a farmer, so I'm very much not a vegan, but you are absolutely in no way a dick, a d' your in-laws need to cop on and stop being such dreadful arseholes.

Just read your update op. What utter dicks they are! As if it’s really difficult to find a non-leather handbag anywhere. Nonsensical to beed to make more effort to be a dick! I’m glad your partner stuck up for you.

Goodness me, aren’t they foul?! I see no difference between being vegan and having a religious reason for avoiding eg pork. Would they make you eat sausages if you were Muslim? Nasty people!