Changing child's surname following absent parent

[HowToLifeASafe]

Hi there,

I'm speaking to a solicitor this upcoming week to discuss changing my child's surname from my ex partners/his absent dads, to mine.

Has anyone done this? Any tips? Google says it can be quite tricky.

Thank you!

You will need a court order unless he agrees in writing

I am almost 100% sure it'll go down this route. Would I physically have to go to court?

I would suggest getting proper legal advice before you get too attached to this idea. Even if you apply to court for a surname change it may well not be granted, even if the other parent is absent. You may wish to post on the legal board here for more informed advice.

How old is your child? They can do it without parental consent age 16 iirc.

Thanks, I'm speaking to a solicitor this week. Thank you, I'll have a look at the other board!

He's only 2, his dad has been absent half of his life.

If the dad is on the birth certificate you’ll need his permission. If he refuses it’ll be court.

Generally courts will agree to a double barrelled name, it’s quite rare they’ll agree to a complete change.

One thing to think of - when I worked in schools it wasn’t uncommon for the absent parent to suddenly reappear when a name change was raised. You have to balance if the change is worth the risk of that.

How old is your child?

Just saw that your DC is 2. The courts likely won’t see a year as a long time out of the child’s life (I know, it’s crazy).

You should really prepare yourself for the fact that double barrelled is likely as far as they’ll go as your child cannot express a preference for a name change themselves.

A double barrelled name would be okay. This is my main concern. He lives 5 hours away so I could argue the probability is low, but i may not take the risk. He is only 2.

At nursery you can use a' known by' name in the meanwhile.

Can you enrol him at school etc as ‘known as’? If so, it’ll only be an issue for GCSE certificates etc?

If he’s absent and you’re happy, I wouldn’t be contacting him about anything tbh.

Schools are not supposed to agree to a "known by" name without the consent of everybody with parental responsibility. Really, see what your solicitor says, rather than setting much store in Mumsnet.

Most schools now will only allow known as surnames with permission from all with PR (that’s legally what they’ve always been meant to do)

Obviously get your proper legal advice, but it would be very unusual for them to change the name and remove the father’s name after a year of not being around.

It just seems so unfair. Ive enrolled him as "known as" at nursery, but obviously anything formal is with his real surname.

I did think a year wouldn't seem a long time, but for my little boy, a year is half of his life and such a long time! Hes gone from crawling to walking, speaking, having his own opinions etc. Hes changed completely, he wouldn't recognise his dad and vice versa.

I wouldnt even know how to get his consent, he lives 5 hours away, hes changed his number, I have no idea what his address is.

I would be absolutely fine with a double barrelled surname!

Mine had first names, then my name then his name, not even double barrelled,
then when we separated and divorced, we dropped OH name,
told that ‘your name is what you are known by’
then at 16 they legally dropped OH name completely

what NoCommentingFromNowOn ^^ said, or ‘Let sleeping dogs lie’

Such a tricky one. He (sometimes) pays CMS, thats still a reminder every week, would this be different?

So if you can’t trace him you could look into a specific issue order in court instead on the basis that you can’t do deed poll without the other parent.

Might also be worth considering getting a lives with order as well to ease any issues like holidays abroad and school choices in future.

Thank you, I've made a note of both and will mention during my consultation.

What happens if the courts cant track him down? He job hops and hops from woman to woman up and down the country, snorting coke and avoiding debts (obviously I didnt know this at the time!) So hes not an easy one to trace. Hes on his third job (fourth job role) since January, from looking at his LinkedIn!

I just cant believe one stupid decision of giving him his surname can cause all of this and is so hard to change. I do understand why its not an easy thing to do. I wish I'd stuck to my guns, its my biggest regret, it keeps me up at night.

@HowToLifeASafe Ultimately it is foolish, but you're absolutely not in the minority here. Most children are given their father's surname. Why I don't know tbh. Women just don't stop to consider the implications (myself included the first time around).
I married young, and foolishly gave both my sons their dad's last name. Regret for sure as my sons now both have a surname completely disconnected to mine.
My daughter with my now husband is db'd - in fact, we all are (myself, my husband, our daughter).

Yes you would have to apply to court and attend a hearing. If you don’t have his address the court will find it via DWP. Be aware though this may instigate him saying he wants contact to be considered.

In my experience you would likely get a double barrelled name agreed in court but unless there are clear safeguarding concerns etc it’s unlikely you would get it agreed to change the surname to yours alone.