Family upset we will not let them use our second home

[Dogsintheforest]

We bought a second home at the end of last year with a longer term plan of living there full time, but for now using it whenever we have the chance. It’s in a picturesque and popular place to visit.

Since we have bought it we have had family asking if they can use it for holidays. We laughed it off at first but they have continued to ask more in the last few weeks due to school holidays and nice weather. We have said no because we don’t know when we will be using it and want to be able to decide at short notice to go there. We also want to leave clothes and personal items there, we like our privacy and although we aren’t there full time it is our home.

These family members are very put out. Every time we see them they’re bringing it up directly, or being sarcastic saying things like, ‘are you sure you can spare it, we know you don’t like to share things’ when I offered them a slice of cake. Apparently if they had another home in a place like we have, they would let everyone use it and they can’t imagine not wanting to share.

In hindsight, I wish we hadn’t told them, but we have. We are now avoiding seeing them because we can’t be bothered with their comments but i liked seeing them before this happened so don’t want to lose these relationships.

I'm so glad to read your updates! Who knew the "be kind" nutters could effect positive change 🤣😁

‘Littlerockflo · Yesterday 08:27
As someone who lives and works in a "picturesque place that is popular to visit", this is 100% spot on.
Second homes have absolutely destroyed our town and local area. They have a hugely detrimental effect on the community, the amenities and services available and businesses. Many of the second home owners will tell you that they are here loads but coming every so often and using a shop or two doesn't make up for the loss of homes for teachers, nurses, tradesmen, and people doing all the jobs we need. Halloween is extra-eerie and depressing when kids are trick or treating and a significant number of the houses they are passing are sitting empty, some with Christmas decorations still up from when their owners last visited the previous year.’

@Worldinyourhands Yet more proof that, contrary to your argument, people very do much ‘care’ about second home owners.

I think you're totally in the right op. Really surprised by the posts here.

OR my lived experience of my home and my community, which you are choosing to disbelieve because it doesn't fit your narrow-minded narrative. Our community in our second home has lots of issues (as evidenced on the local Facebook group) but they're not arsed about second homeowners and in the many ,many years we've spent there (part time) we've had nothing but warmth and inclusion. Sorry that makes you annoyed.

You seem bizarrely invested in trying to prove that a community you don't know in an unknown part of the country hates me. They don't. Some communities are more bothered by second home owners than others. Some communities are more narrow minded than others. Same as some are more insular or racist or community minded or have more drug problems. Mine is really warm and welcoming and unbothered about second home owners.

Well indeed... and yet we still have people queuing up on this thread to say second home owners are evil. But how many of them would be prepared to walk the walk and refuse to sell to a non-local? Like the people saying what they'd do IF they had a holiday home, they're being very free with someone else's asset.

It's the same with BTL investors. People love to say how hard they make life for first time buyers, but when those buyers want to sell and upsize, they're suddenly desperate to sell to chain-free investors with guaranteed mortgages.

I don’t know about OP’s case but if I were to buy a second home (I won’t as I have don’t have the money), I would only buy a property that’s been up for sale for a considerable time (not just put on the market). Then I could buy with a clear conscience and no one could tell me off because I’ve deprived a local (which could be justified if I snapped up a new on the market).

You are absolutely right. Trouble is it’s human nature to be hypocrites, we’ve all done it on one level or another. 😁

Oh sorry, didn't see your post.

But, you're right, you don't have to sell to anyone you don't want to; there is no law saying you must sell to the highest offer or sell within a given time. It is probably the fault of the outsiders offering too much, or something.

It’s hardly being ‘bizarrely invested’ by pointing out that when you claim nobody cares about second home owners, that many people actually do? Neither am I trying to prove that anybody ‘hates’ you. I’m pointing out that, no matter how much you can’t (or won’t) accept it, second home owners have decimated a great many rural communities. It’s lovely for you that you feel welcomed, and I wouldn’t expect or want anything less. The people in my area are amazing people, and it’s a tragedy to see how their lives and our local economy have been affected by the great deal of houses and homes that sit empty for huge parts of the year.

I’m not narrow minded, and neither are the people who explain exactly how their lives and areas have been affected by this practice. The fact that you don’t want to knowledge this doesn’t make it wrong.

How do you know this imaginary property hasn't been on the market for a long time because it has been priced above what any local person could afford? If it was within their price range it would have been snapped up before you got a look in.

Will the house be sold then and potentially be someone’s main home?

After all plenty of people are sucking up the consequences of not having a home at all while OP’s holiday homes stands empty.

Make your own thread. OPs issue isn’t about the rights and wrongs of second home ownership and it’s not right to derail with that agenda.

yup cut the price to what a local person can afford and hopefully there would be no problem finding a local person to buy it....always assuming there is work for them nearby of course. I see no reason why sellers should not check the buyers' current location but I can see why they do not and good luck to them. For one thing if its being bought as a second home, its likely to be a chain free experience!

There are many replies on this thread that are not strictly related to the OP’s exact question. Are you policing them all like this, or just mine?

I bet OPs home isn’t something that an average first time buyer would be purchasing. OP has adult children so she is probably late 40s or older and is wealthy enough to buy a second home that is big enough to host a big family Xmas. I think it’s unlikely OP is depriving anyone in real need of a home of one.

will those homeless people be able to afford to buy though?

What rot, of course people would want to live in the house. People are having to turn down jobs or live on campsites while working in some areas. It’s called the “housing ladder” for a reason. No one expects someone to go from street homeless to a massive beachside home, but each home sold for permanent residence causes movement on the ladder. Each home taken out of circulation squeezes the housing situation tighter. Families are living in B&Bs while homes are left empty. Holiday makes should stay in the B&Bs or camp, caravan or holiday lodge not local residents.

Hear hear, OP!

Because this imaginary property that I would be buying can’t be overpriced otherwise I too couldn’t afford it and it wouldn’t have come up in my price filters.

Some of these responses are totally bonkers.

OP we have a holiday home that we don't rent out, nor do we let friends or family visit on their own. We often invite family members/friends to join us when we are there but don't want (even our closest) friends and family to use it without us. Like you, we like to be able to visit whenever we choose without being restricted that we may have already promised it to somebody.

Additionally, I don't want to spend time on my visits changing and washing bedsheets for others, cleaning for others (or up after them), putting things back where they belong that have been moved etc...all so others can enjoy a free holiday!

That reminds me of a thread where that OP was also getting berated for buying a holiday home. The fact it was a £1.5 million apartment, nobody who can afford that is being deprived of a family home, but that didn’t stop the accusers. I am actually against the stock of ‘normal’ homes being bought as holiday/second homes but there are exceptions where the impact is not a negative.

'they reassess your character'

😂I'd be reassessing theirs, if they made sarcastic remarks about my 'character' while I was offering them cake. Cake, dammit!

Stick to your guns, OP. If my relations bought a second home, it would never cross my mind that I should use it as of right.

But her family have already been cheeky fuckers when staying with OP at Christmas. As forewarned is forearmed, they have forfeited the right to use her holiday home due to their own entitled behaviour.