Am I in the wrong for asking partner to make me a cup of tea ?

[luluxxx]

At the moment he has a job and I don’t.
It’s been a few months since my last job closed and I’m looking for something else.
We are no worse off financially and still go 50% on all house bills as I have savings.
I do all the housework now
I do all the cooking ,cleaning but as it’s now “my job” he does nothing.
He won’t make a cup of tea
He won’t feed the cats
He says “I have a job,you don’t”
He throws laundry on the floor

I made slow cooked chilli the other night and apparently according to him “that’s not making a meal,you have thrown stuff in a slow cooker”

Last night I had been out meeting a friend and my head was banging
I asked would he make a cup of tea for me,he said no.
I then snapped and said “you do nothing “
Now he replied “it’s your job “

I don’t have a job so I’m totally happy to do all housework as I’m home,he literally comes home to tea on the table.
I make weekend breakfasts /have the washing sorted .
Everything done.
I said that making your partner a cup of tea shouldn’t be decided because I don’t have a job.

He woke up this morning
Never spoke
Stupidly made a cup of tea for us both.
He said “I don’t want it as you throw it in my face,today our plans have changed I’m not taking you out for dinner “

So we aren’t going out now
I’m really upset actually
I only wanted a cup of tea

Anyway I poured it down the toilet

So was I wrong to ask for him to make me a cuppa because I don’t have a job ?
Also there was a few dishes in sink
While I was out I said could he wash them ..got back and he hadn’t done it.

I’m sorry you’re with someone so disrespectful who genuinely views household tasks this way. My husband is a full time lawyer but does all our laundry and cleaning since we have two kids. He can definitely make you a cup of tea!

You need to find a job asap & ditch this vermin.

Where did I say that would justify his behaviour? Unlike others on this thread I haven’t made an unevidenced assertion, I asked a question.

He is a bully, run don't walk

OP hasn’t explained what “her job closed” means, why the husband is only employed “at the moment”, and seems to have abandoned the thread.

Perhaps I would agree with you if OP had answered any questions at all about the state of her unemployment, but she hasn’t. How long has she been unemployed? How long before she burns through all her savings? To what extent has she been looking for work? Under what conditions did her last job end? How secure is her partner’s job? Is he taking extra hours to make up the shortfall?

Burning through savings without replacing them is not a viable way to live. And yes, it puts an enormous pressure on the sole earner of a household. And no, going out on a piss up during a time like that isn’t a good look.

All you have here is a very one sided view of someone unemployed who partner sounds fed up of it.

So because she didn't answer the questions you jumped in sticking up for him making out that she was driving him to this behaviour?

Yes there was a one-sided view but then you completely switched it and reversed it and made out she deserved it and that his behaviour is justified.

Can't blame her for wanting to go out with her friends when he throws his washing on the ground and moans she made a slow cooker dinner!

The best thing to do would be to leave immediately.

If you have parents you could possibly go home to, temporarily, go there.

If you're both living in your place & you want to keep it - tell him to LEAVE ASAP.

He sounds horrible. And you're being abused.
If you DON'T take action to get rid of him, then, I'm sorry to say, you are choosing your own victimhood and none of the helpful people on here can help you in any way.

OP says she lost her job a few months ago. How specific do you want this ? She has savings, she’s contributing 50/50 - there is no shortfall so why would you think he’s taking on extra hours, and his own job security is irrelevant. She’s looking for work.

He’s clearly enjoying the fact that he’s not doing anything around the house so why would you think he’s ’under pressure’ ? And if he were, why do you think behaving so unpleasantly to OP and insisting she do every little thing around the house and basically wait on him hand and foot is the answer ? If nothing else, it’s not exactly conducive to her jobsearch activities is it ? If he was fed up of her not having a job he’d be pulling his weight around the house to make it easier for her to look for work. As it is, he’s unpleasant, he’s criticising her cooking and he’s throwing his dirty laundry on the floor for her to pick up. That’s contempt. What excuse are you going to make for him, for that ?

What a twat. Do not put up with him treating you like that. He isn't supporting you financially so it makes no difference whether or not you have a job, he's just choosing to treat you badly for it. I'd stop doing anything for him until he sorts his attitude out! Leave the washing on the floor, make your own meals.

He is a piece of shit.
For gods sake, get out.

This is dreadful, he is showing you zero respect.

Sadly she will be back with another thread about another aspect of him which makes him a wanker, will be told the same stuff again, and on it goes.

He doesn't respect you or care much about you when he acts like this - he should want to do anything for you, not complain about making tea

In the bin.

Get rid

You are currently not working so, as is right, are picking up more of the household tasks and admin as a result. However you are not his servant.

Making your partner cup of tea is a small civility we should all be able to do, regardless of our work status.

Mr Monkey was up early this morning to put in a 9 hour shift in retail, I am WFH, started a lot later and my day is probably going to be a lot easier given we are deep in to summer holidays and that is a time in my sector when a lot of senior people take leave.

He still made me a cup of tea.

What a nasty, abusive way to treat another human being, let alone someone you're supposed to love. I would implore you to get out, NOW. Horrible, just horrible 😢

This. I am sorry @luluxxx

youre still paying half the bills so he should be doing half the jobs still
he sounds like an absolute arsehole the way he treats you!

There's only one thing you should be throwing out, and that's him.

He's a chauvinistic, self-obsessed, sexist moronic wanker. Find the nearest rubbish bin, dump him in it and lock the lid.

Don't bother picking up his laundry, or his cooking, cleaning or anything at all.

Either kick out the vile arsehole or you leave; either way you'd be so much better off without that shitbag.