Am I in the wrong for asking partner to make me a cup of tea ?

[luluxxx]

At the moment he has a job and I don’t.
It’s been a few months since my last job closed and I’m looking for something else.
We are no worse off financially and still go 50% on all house bills as I have savings.
I do all the housework now
I do all the cooking ,cleaning but as it’s now “my job” he does nothing.
He won’t make a cup of tea
He won’t feed the cats
He says “I have a job,you don’t”
He throws laundry on the floor

I made slow cooked chilli the other night and apparently according to him “that’s not making a meal,you have thrown stuff in a slow cooker”

Last night I had been out meeting a friend and my head was banging
I asked would he make a cup of tea for me,he said no.
I then snapped and said “you do nothing “
Now he replied “it’s your job “

I don’t have a job so I’m totally happy to do all housework as I’m home,he literally comes home to tea on the table.
I make weekend breakfasts /have the washing sorted .
Everything done.
I said that making your partner a cup of tea shouldn’t be decided because I don’t have a job.

He woke up this morning
Never spoke
Stupidly made a cup of tea for us both.
He said “I don’t want it as you throw it in my face,today our plans have changed I’m not taking you out for dinner “

So we aren’t going out now
I’m really upset actually
I only wanted a cup of tea

Anyway I poured it down the toilet

So was I wrong to ask for him to make me a cuppa because I don’t have a job ?
Also there was a few dishes in sink
While I was out I said could he wash them ..got back and he hadn’t done it.

He’s belittling you because you’re temporarily unemployed despite still contributing and having the good sense to have savings in the first place. Twat.

I wonder if he's like my XH. Who treated me as an equal partner right up until I stopped work after our second child was born, whereupon I was instantly demoted to 'servant and household device'. Because I had no earning power I became 'lesser' in his eyes.

It didn't get better either. Even when I subsequently started work, he treated it as if it was my little hobby and only his Big Important Job counted, so it was always me getting up with the children and doing all the housework.

So I echo all those saying get out now.

Well he doesn’t have to do it now because you are kicking his entitled ass out of the house!

So you do everything and pay half of everything and he just goes and does 1 job and pays half of everything?

Tell him if it's your job to do everything then he needs to finance everything.

I'd tell you which one id prefer. Set hours at work and then sit on my arse.

The other half is not equal to that

It sounds as if he is finding carrying all the financial responsibility of the household incredibly stressful and he’s starting to resent you for it.

Savings are not viable to live off and I would be very stressed if my partner was burning through theirs to make ends meet.

I also don’t think I’d react well to my partner going in on the piss while I was feeling this way.

I wouldn't say with someone so petty and vindictive. He's shown you who he is.

How was life before, when you had a job?

He sounds absolutely horrendous. I think you should ask yourself if this is the type of guy you actually want to be with - someone who isn’t even willing to make you a cup of tea. Disgusting behaviour from him. Please don’t put up with it and let him think he can get away with such appalling behaviour. I say ditch his pathetic ass.

So many things wrong here. Get rid of him. What an arsehole.

I would have literally thrown it in his face. Fuck that, he doesn't respect you, he doesn't even like you. I don't suppose you'd be willing to leave this mean, unattractive man though.

He has 50%of the financial responsibility. Same as OP.

Why do you tolerate this? These threads always baffle me.

Are you actively looking for work because that can be a job in itself and he can see you putting in the legwork so it's not that you're not making any effort.

If you're paying your way as in 50/50 then he still needs to get off his arse and do his share. You might want to point that out.

Of course you weren't being unreasonable. He's a selfish git.

The difference is her’s is finite.

Do you like yourself?
Do you value yourself?
Are you strong?

If the answer is Yes, well go ahead and use your power to speak up for yourself and tell this moron to get out of your face.

If you are a doormat and a masochist, say nothing and make your own goddam tea.

Awful man

Dump 👏 him 👏

If its your job then what is he paying you? If you are still paying 50/50 then house chores are 50/50 you aren't his free maid service.

This

You’re not being unreasonable. He sounds vile.

OP are you married to this piece of shit ? Because if not you need to leave or ask him to, depending on your circumstances. He’s being an arsehole to you simply because you don’t have a job, and expects you to do every little task while he does nothing at all and even has the cheek to criticise the effort you put into cooking ? Throwing his dirty laundry on the floor is the biggest red flag here - that’s contempt. And he’s punishing you for not just accepting his behaviour by cancelling your plans for the evening. Fuck that for a lark. He’s showing you who he really is - and who he is, is a controlling twat who will turn on you like this Every.Single.Time he perceives you as not ‘pulling your weight’. That will include pregnancy, immediately following childbirth, whenever you’re ill and god forbid if you were ever seriously ill or became disabled. And eventually there won’t have to be a reason. He’s emotionally abusive. He won’t change. It will escalate.

He sounds like he hates you.

Get a job anywhere quickly and get away from that vile man.

No of course you weren't that's what a loving partner would do for the other, regardless of job status. Why does he think you need to do EVERYTHING, even at the weekend. When you're still contributing 50% of the bills, and he isn't financially supporting you. Do you have chidlren together?

He sounds spiteful not going for dinner because you asked to make a cup of tea and defended yourself when he was nasty. He doesn't sound like a very loving, supportive partner or someone I'd want to be with.

So he has no basic care or concern for you in this relationship. He's showing you the type of man he is. Bin him. Plan your exit from this relationship.