Am I in the wrong for asking partner to make me a cup of tea ?

[luluxxx]

At the moment he has a job and I don’t.
It’s been a few months since my last job closed and I’m looking for something else.
We are no worse off financially and still go 50% on all house bills as I have savings.
I do all the housework now
I do all the cooking ,cleaning but as it’s now “my job” he does nothing.
He won’t make a cup of tea
He won’t feed the cats
He says “I have a job,you don’t”
He throws laundry on the floor

I made slow cooked chilli the other night and apparently according to him “that’s not making a meal,you have thrown stuff in a slow cooker”

Last night I had been out meeting a friend and my head was banging
I asked would he make a cup of tea for me,he said no.
I then snapped and said “you do nothing “
Now he replied “it’s your job “

I don’t have a job so I’m totally happy to do all housework as I’m home,he literally comes home to tea on the table.
I make weekend breakfasts /have the washing sorted .
Everything done.
I said that making your partner a cup of tea shouldn’t be decided because I don’t have a job.

He woke up this morning
Never spoke
Stupidly made a cup of tea for us both.
He said “I don’t want it as you throw it in my face,today our plans have changed I’m not taking you out for dinner “

So we aren’t going out now
I’m really upset actually
I only wanted a cup of tea

Anyway I poured it down the toilet

So was I wrong to ask for him to make me a cuppa because I don’t have a job ?
Also there was a few dishes in sink
While I was out I said could he wash them ..got back and he hadn’t done it.

Get a job.

He sounds extremely childish. Whether you have a job or not, you still can make someone a cup of tea. He sounds a bit weird. Is he contrary about everything. I'd think hard about whether you want a whole life with such a difficult man.

Why are you contributing all your savings and doing everything?

This is emotional and financial abuse.

Be glad he didn’t make the tea and cancelled the dinner see it as a wake up call.

Run.

OP, I haven't had a job for 15 years and DH still does household chores. He does his own laundry. I put the dishwasher on in the evening, he empties it in the morning. He brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning, I make him cups throughout the day (he WFH). I usually cook tea, but he'll do a couple of evenings. We share responsibility. And it's about respecting each others' contributions to the household. Your partner sounds like he has zero respect for you. I would seriously think about getting out of this relationship.

I’ve not worked in 8 yrs. My youngest is in school full time. My dh still pulls his weight. I do more, a lot more in the home but he always makes weekend breakfasts, makes me tea and always sorts his laundry. He’s treating you terribly.

You are horrible.

Sorry op he’s being a twat it’s not like he’s supporting you and the household financially so you’re not in the wrong here he is. When you get a job is he going to take over everything 50/50 because I would be making sure.

@luluxxx
Listen here ,
He's resentful that you don't have a job
And is looking down on you whilst constantly punishing you for the way things are for you at present
The cruelty is the point
Curdled with a whole load of hate
And I'm assuming you don't have children
Strikes me he's the sort to have children that would bully
And he'd see it as showing strength
You're doing everything and more
To appease someone who doesn't care
So go

Yep. This is it. My DH is the breadwinner to my SAHP-ing and works pretty much 7 days a week, as much as 14 hours a day, on call otherwise. He thinks nothing of not only making me a drink if I ask him, but will just offer or simply bring me one. He also cooks for us all at the weekends, gardens, and will clean the kitchen before/after his cooking-fests.

Making you a cuppa is not ‘women’s work’ - is a gesture of love.

He doesn’t love you. This is a LTB situation.

Leave this fucking moron, as a man this boils my piss!! I look after my wife, we make tea for each other, look after each other. This guy is a spoiled little boy who needs to grow the fuck up and act like a man not a complete childish moron!!

He’s an absolute dick. Throwing his clothes on the floor for you to pick up is disgustingly disrespectful. Do you want to stay with him?

look at it this way, where is the love and care from him, isn’t that what a relationship is about, support your partner and not want them to suffer or be in a bad position. He sounds vile, so many women seem to accept being treated like crap. He doesn’t seem mature enough for a relationship - he sounds jealous he had a job and you don’t

Wow. That sounds so stressful. I’m so sorry. I hope when you have the headspace, you may look back on your husband’s behaviour and think about whether he’s deserving of you.

On the job point, I just wanted to say that I’ve been looking for a number of months and have finally got something I want after getting really close to three other roles (either being told I was a close second or a small shortlist stage) with feedback that was about the other candidate having done a specific thing that I hadn’t or already doing it on an interim basis.

At times, I found this really stressful and I began to think I really wouldn’t get something but I just have and what I’ve got is better for me than what I missed out on. Just wanted to say hang in there and keep going. I’m sure you’ll get something.

Can you get help with how you’re feeling? I accessed some counselling these last few months - you may know that there are free services out there. Something where you could speak to someone on the phone and offload might help. I hope you are ok.

Instead of communicating with you like an adult to tell you that he feels resentful that you aren't employed yet and to help you find solutions, he is communicating indirectly by being horrible. He seems to hate you to be fair. It's hard to come back from that.

What was he like before you lost your job? I can’t imagine anybody changing this much…are you married?

Don’t try and make excuses for his crappy behaviour.

Leave this sinker of a man. Throw him back in the sea

He sounds awful. So sorry for you.

There are some awful men on here tonight. Please leave him OP and I don’t say that often!

What a twat.
Ditch him.

@luluxxx Totally unacceptable! My DH cooks the dinner literally every day (he's so much better at it!) A cup of tea request is more than reasonable.

OP, this is so, so abusive.

Totally fine for you to do most of the day to day housework while you’re at home all day. Absolutely not fine for your husband to humiliate you and treat you like his slave. Honestly, your account of his behaviour made my blood run cold.

No it doesn't.

If he were to say 'I'm worried about you not working and just using your savings because they may well run out' then that would sound like he was finding it stressful.

He just sounds petty and horrible.

I also don’t think I’d react well to my partner going in on the piss while I was feeling this way.

And if this was the reason (I don't believe it is) and you reacted this way rather than using your words to say what was really wrong with you then you'd be abusive.

I ask this question far more often than I'd like - why are people with partners who don't like them? This guy is a parade of red flags!

Will you please leave him OP .
You will have a job again , your last one finished & you’re looking for a new one .
Throws his laundry on the floor , disrespectful prick .
Wouldn’t so much as make you a cup of tea . You have his dinner ready every eve when he gets in from work , seriously like.
He’s just not nice 🤷🏻‍♀️.