Am I in the wrong for asking partner to make me a cup of tea ?

[luluxxx]

At the moment he has a job and I don’t.
It’s been a few months since my last job closed and I’m looking for something else.
We are no worse off financially and still go 50% on all house bills as I have savings.
I do all the housework now
I do all the cooking ,cleaning but as it’s now “my job” he does nothing.
He won’t make a cup of tea
He won’t feed the cats
He says “I have a job,you don’t”
He throws laundry on the floor

I made slow cooked chilli the other night and apparently according to him “that’s not making a meal,you have thrown stuff in a slow cooker”

Last night I had been out meeting a friend and my head was banging
I asked would he make a cup of tea for me,he said no.
I then snapped and said “you do nothing “
Now he replied “it’s your job “

I don’t have a job so I’m totally happy to do all housework as I’m home,he literally comes home to tea on the table.
I make weekend breakfasts /have the washing sorted .
Everything done.
I said that making your partner a cup of tea shouldn’t be decided because I don’t have a job.

He woke up this morning
Never spoke
Stupidly made a cup of tea for us both.
He said “I don’t want it as you throw it in my face,today our plans have changed I’m not taking you out for dinner “

So we aren’t going out now
I’m really upset actually
I only wanted a cup of tea

Anyway I poured it down the toilet

So was I wrong to ask for him to make me a cuppa because I don’t have a job ?
Also there was a few dishes in sink
While I was out I said could he wash them ..got back and he hadn’t done it.

When men are the ones earning and the women aren't, they treat you like slaves because it makes them feel big. Tell him that you don't mind cooking and cleaning but he can still put his laundry in the basket and make the odd cup of tea for you both. Who died and made him King?!

He’s evil. I hope you can leave him.

If he works 40 hours per week, you do 40 hours work at home. Anything after that you split it equally. Also how sad that he cares so little for you that he can't take 2 mins to make you a cup of tea!

If you are paying your way what does it matter if you have a job or not?

If you are paying half the bills as you always were why is everything your responsibility now? Why is all the chores yours?

If you pay then nothing changes and he still picks up half the household tasks.

If you stop paying then you pick up all the chores.

If he's not happy with that arrangement - he can stick it up his hoop and leave.

Go out and get a job. Then tell him he now does his own laundry and cooking because "I have a job". Then get everything sorted to leave him

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

You need to do the online freedom programme and leave the abusive bastard.

What's your employment backgroumd? Could you get a basic remote admin job or temp job to tide you over with some funds to leave him?
https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs?keywords=remote+admin

😂 twat badger..!

Honestly leave, he sounds like a proper bell end

Your bar for tolerating shitty behaviour from men is on the floor.

Please leave this absolute arse of a man.

He sounds vile. I say this as someone who thinks that a lot of the women on this site whine far too much about their husbands and also that men get an unfairly bad rap on here. This is not one of those times.

Sorry OP but in your situation I would be running for the hills............

You are lumbered with an arse

Leave him and get some self respect

Please run away, very fast

@luluxxx if you are still paying 50% of all the bills, then he should still do 50% of the housework etc.

You shouldn’t be paying 50% of all the bills, btw, savings or not. This is not a partnership and you’re being exploited. As others have said, he clearly doesn’t even like you. I hope you can get yourself out of this situation.

Not at all. My DH is one of the most wonderful humans to have walked the planet.

Sounds like you don’t recognise what financial pressure looks like when your partner is months’ deep in unemployment.

He sounds joyless
What a knob head. Of course he should make you a cup of tea
Consider if he is the right person for you.

My DH and I have both been made redundant at various points. When that happens the jobless one picks up virtually all the domestic duties and childcare. We're still a team, trying to find a job is a 'job' in itself, also we support each other and are each other's cheerleader as it can dent your confidence
Is he helping you?

Sometimes I look at these threads and just wonder..

but one of my greatest pleasures is seeing my wife’s face after I have made her a cup of tea, that I don’t drink, without even a request.

op’s other half needs a reality check

You are not wrong. My DH of forty years always makes the tea. We drink tea on the hour, every hour and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s how he shows he loves me.
Ditch the selfish t**t and find yourself a man who loves you and is prepared to do little things to make you happy.

I feel like I’ve seen this exact same post before :-/

You are paying 50% of the bills so it's none of his business what you do with your time! Stop being a mug! He sounds awful- let his dirty laundry lie on the floor, don't do his dinner or washing ! I would ltb because he sounds like a miserable misogynistic knob.

My husband took early retirement, and I work. He does pick up a lot of the household chores now and all of the gardening, but I still cook more, tidy round and share the shopping trips. We take it in turn to make coffee every morning. Do I expect him to do everything - absolutely not. Im a married adult who shares a house and i dont treat my husbsnd like a slave. You are not his!

Sounds like my ex 🤢

My husband took early retirement, and I work. He does pick up a lot of the household chores now and all of the gardening, but I still cook more, tidy round and share the shopping trips. We take it in turn to make coffee every morning. Do I expect him to do everything - absolutely not. Im a married adult who shares a house and i dont treat my husbsnd like a slave. You are not his!

Good grief.

Not chucking your clothes on the floor and making the odd cup of tea for your other half is pretty much entry level relationship behaviour and he can’t even manage that. He doesn’t want a partnership of equals OP, he wants someone to Lord it over and treat like a serf. That’s deeply unpleasant and Im
sorry you’re dealing with it. 💐

He is being abusive. When I was a sahm for 10 years, my husband sometimes cooked, often washed dishes and made cups of tea. You are paying 50 percent of the bills, so why is he mad?!!! I’d think about getting a job then leaving him.