Am I in the wrong for asking partner to make me a cup of tea ?

[luluxxx]

At the moment he has a job and I don’t.
It’s been a few months since my last job closed and I’m looking for something else.
We are no worse off financially and still go 50% on all house bills as I have savings.
I do all the housework now
I do all the cooking ,cleaning but as it’s now “my job” he does nothing.
He won’t make a cup of tea
He won’t feed the cats
He says “I have a job,you don’t”
He throws laundry on the floor

I made slow cooked chilli the other night and apparently according to him “that’s not making a meal,you have thrown stuff in a slow cooker”

Last night I had been out meeting a friend and my head was banging
I asked would he make a cup of tea for me,he said no.
I then snapped and said “you do nothing “
Now he replied “it’s your job “

I don’t have a job so I’m totally happy to do all housework as I’m home,he literally comes home to tea on the table.
I make weekend breakfasts /have the washing sorted .
Everything done.
I said that making your partner a cup of tea shouldn’t be decided because I don’t have a job.

He woke up this morning
Never spoke
Stupidly made a cup of tea for us both.
He said “I don’t want it as you throw it in my face,today our plans have changed I’m not taking you out for dinner “

So we aren’t going out now
I’m really upset actually
I only wanted a cup of tea

Anyway I poured it down the toilet

So was I wrong to ask for him to make me a cuppa because I don’t have a job ?
Also there was a few dishes in sink
While I was out I said could he wash them ..got back and he hadn’t done it.

Get another, a man that is, and a job if you want to.

@luluxxx unless he’s covering your share of the bills while you jobhunt, why would everything round the home be on you? He’s ridiculous. If you are paying your way then you don’t owe anything! Sure, you might do more cooking etc as you have more time but that would be your choice!

Yes, you are totally in the wrong and he sounds a perfectly reasonable and undemanding super chap. Make your own tea. You dont have a job so you deserve to be treated like a doormat.

Is this what you want to hear?

Stop picking up after him, do not do his washing. Only cook for yourself. He sounds like he doesn’t like you.

Agreed.
If you're going to stay with him then at least take back your power and don't do any of his washing or cook for him. Who does he think he is? The cheek of him. The more he gets away with it the less he'll respect you so start sticking up for yourself, do nothing for him and don't listen to his crap.

This man is not a partner. Partners support each other according to their need.

Pretend you have a job. Go out when he does every day then sneak back inside and job hunt as usual. Don’t do any housework. Before he comes back, pop out and come home just after him, claim to be exhausted, that your new job is way more demanding than his, and demand that he cook you dinner immediately and throw all your washing on the floor.

alternatively just leave him as he doesn’t sound like a keeper!

The bar is on the floor. Get a job and leave this shit of a human. What a dick

How many threads are you going to start about your relationship? You're told the same thing over and over again.

I'm so sorry but he sounds awful and so disrespectful. Do you really see a future with this man when as soon as you have wants or needs he throws it in your face to make you feel less than you are? This is a truly disgusting way to treat someone. Especially when you might more normally be expecting support whilst looking for a new job.

If your still paying for your share of everything, then it's really none of his business what you get up to during 'work' hours? That is your money, your time, exactly as if you were still going out to work. His behaviour is wild.

If he thinks slow cooking isn't 'real' cooking then no ones making him eat it. He can cook his own meals, you can batch cook for yourself and save more money whilst your not working.

You could legitimately say you can't do any household chores or cooking outside of what you'd normally contribute whilst working as the rest of your time is being taken up looking for a new job... networking, meetings, interviews, CV writing, training etc. etc. and then do whatever you want with that time whether it's job related or not.

If, as other people are suggesting, he is maybe feeling or anticipating financial stress and anxiety, it's not a good sign that he hasn't sat down with you and talked to you about it as an adult and instead is lashing out like an emotionally immature teenager. It's also times of stress when relationships are really tested and you really see where things stand.

He sounds like a vile nasty human. I don’t agree that you should have to use your savings when you are not working and still be left to do all the housework.

Are your savings an issue for him? It sounds like he resents you for having savings. I assume he has none. Is this at the heart of his utter contempt for you?

The way he treats you is awful. He does not even seem to like you. He has no respect for you. He does not care about you or your wellbeing. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I’m sorry he is treating you so badly. Noone deserves thatxx

If you are still contributing equally financially, how does whether you have a job or not affect what you do around the house. If you're still contributing 50% financially, why isn't he still contributing 50% of housework cooking etc?

But even if you weren't contributing financially and even if you weren't doing 100% of everything else, he can still make you a cup of bloody tea

he doesn't sound very nice.

This is not what financial pressure looks like, this is what abuse looks like.

@luluxxx is he resentful that he has to go out to work every day and although you are literally doing everything at home, you don't have to go out? You are still paying 50% of everything too. Whatever it is, he's hideous towards you. I'd have been very tempted to actually throw the tea in his face.

Me too…

Your situation makes me sad for you, why is your DH so nasty?

Why be with a mean man who doesn’t even like or respect you who is willing to take advantage of you?

If you’re not married and don’t have kids, and have savings, why are you still with him?

He’s an absolute knob. Imagine if you ever got ill, or had kids and were on maternity leave and struggling? He’s shown you who he is. LTB.

@Didimum
Yes my husband’s had a few periods of unemployment and there’s been a lot of financial pressure burning through savings. I would never have thrown it in his face or treated him this way. I’m no saint, I just like my husband and treat him like a human being!

@luluxxx

So, you’re still paying your 50%, and yet you’ve become his slave?

LTB.

This.

She’s still paying her way, as has savings. He on the other hand, has felt he can now drop his share of household responsibilities and treat her like shit!!

You can obv survive and cope without him so break up

dont ffs have kids or marry him

It’s not an excuse but apologies for not adding to the 100 other posts saying LTB, that would be so much more interesting and compelling for the OP.

You’re totally looking to justify his behaviour. Of course relationships have ups and downs but this is no way to treat someone who you claim to care about. She doesn’t necessarily need to LTB but talk to him and see if she can explain how he’s making her feel and what she wants from him in order for them to move forward. Maybe ask how he’d feel if the roles were reversed. He could be jealous but that doesn’t mean you can act like an arse.

He's a dick! I work part time to save on childcare, DH works full time, he makes me a tea every morning, and every evening after dinner. He also cooks and does his share of everything.
You need a good DP! Life isn't a contest, he should do it because he loves you.

Really? Why are you putting up with this? Get some self respect and stop being a slave. He doesn’t like you. Go and live your life. If you stay when you clearly have savings then that will be your fault, at the moment it’s his, but sort of yours as well for accepting this.