Dd isn't home because im taking so long.

[Whyohwhy99]

I have messed up. My house is quite a mess recently. Yesterday complex needs person rang me asked to come for a home visit which is today. Late afternoon. I agreed on purpose because it will force me to properly tidy up.

I'm sorting Dd16 bedroom. I have totally emptied it out carpet up. Which has taken me 5 days. Ds was going to take the roll of lino up from downstairs but he was on the phone. So i came down stairs to rest for a bit. About 30 mins later ds took the lino up for me. I was meant to go back up but I didn't. I cant do it on my own I can barely lift it. Ds can't help today because he's moving out.

Only thing I can think of is to ask dd16 to help me. Its her room I'm doing. But I really cant be arsed with crappy teenage strops. But also she's been at her sisters for a week because I'm taking so long to do the bedroom. And really she should be home and its because of me that she's not. She's quite happy at her sisters but thats not the point. It was just meant ti be for a couple of nights stretching to 3 wouldn't have been so bad but its been a week. I feel like I have dumped her.

Why do you think you can't ask a 16 year old to help sort her own room?

I have children this age. They need to help. But I know the feeling. I end up relying solely on the one who will help me and letting the others do nothing whilst I seethe.

in your case I would get daughter home for the tidying now. It’s her room so should be incentive enough

i feel for you. I get myself into these messes constantly. I take things apart to sort out rooms and then can’t complete

Laying flooring is quite a big job. I'm not sure I would want to do it, even with help.

Could your High Needs Person help you find a handyman? Is it feasible for you to pay someone to do it?

Well it's not sorting it. Its laying flooring. Which she is capable of helping me. But i feel so drained . I just can't be dealing with teenage strops and rudeness. Which i know I can tell ger to stop but I also don't want bad vibes. But to be honest theres probably not a choice.

Can I ask what was wrong with her carpet? Is the flooring bring changed for choice, just to look nicer? Or was this necessary from a heath or safety point if view?

Because there is a difference therein who's responsibility it is.

Also, who does the high needs person support? You, one of your children? The whole family? Do you have a social worker?

Its not the tidying its the floor laying.
I try and make it positive like a mum daughter bonding thing. Put music on to lift the mood. But normally the strops or rudness appears. Its no worse than typical but its draining kn top of already being drained.

Thank you for getting it 😅

I have done some of the smaller rooms /areas but this one is bigger and heavier.

Ds with special needs is only 11 and he wouldn't be able to.

Can't get somone in. I don't have the money for that.

I have already ready taken the carpet up its a bar floor now.

I think maybe i worded my op badly. Ds11 has autism and hes about to started sen school. So a complex needs person comes out to fill in forms and i don't know what else. But its for ds just a one off thing.

I’m really confused what you’ve spent a whole week doing if you sent her away for this and you still don’t even have flooring at this stage?

I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for. You cannot lay the flooring alone and you have nobody to help, so it will have to stay as it is.

Could you ask DD and her sister to both come over to help? It would be quicker and easier with 3, she might be less likely to strop in front of someone else and the sister might be glad to get her home back. Maybe you can offer them something nice for lunch. Jobs like this always have a knock-on effect on the whole house but once you get the flooring done you can crack on with getting everything back in her room.

If we work on the assumption that

• you don't have additional needs (aside from parenting a high needs SEND child, which is itself significant)
• your DD16 doesn't have additional needs and,
• this decorating us being done to make her bedroom nicer, rather than because her bedroom was in a neglected state

Then I would have begun with an expectation that your DD16 is helping.

My DS16 decorated his own room in the Easter holidays. We paid for paint and offered instruction/guidance, but he did the work.

I get that you now have to sort the flooring because you took up the carpet. If it was me I'd ask/expect DD16 to come home and help with that. If she refused I'd lay the floor myself, just to get it done, but tell DD16 that anything further for her room she will be doing herself or it won't be done. Including moving furniture back in.

In this heat? God no! Just get someone in to do it. It's too much for people who don't know how to do ot

Are there any charities / community groups / support networks in your area who would be able to link you up with a couple of volunteers to lend a hand? Facebook is often quite good for these sorts of things.

I do see your point and that of PPs that your daughter should be helping, but given that this is a time-sensitive job, it might be easier in this instance to take the path of least resistance.

I have have the flooring.it just needs laying.

But the reason its taken so long is because I have had to take bed apart. And a big desk remove all the stuff from under her bed and all-round her room in general get the carpet and underlay up plus grippers.

Im not very strong energy drains fast for me. And I'm not very strong so its hard. Normally I could get it done sooner 2 or 3 days but I'm finding it harder this time round.

This is a really weird thread. Why did you take the flooring up in her room if you can’t sort it?

Why was your DDs room a priority if the home visit is to do with another child?

I think you need to get DD, her sister, DS and any friends you can rope in to help you with the floor and getting the heavy/complicated bits of furniture back in. With a lot of you doing it, it shouldn't take too long. And DD is less likely to strop with an audience.

If you are being distracted by other things all the time and are getting tired easy, it could take you ages to do it by yourself, which is really unfair to DD.

was the carpet really ruined or something? Why did you need a new one?

I think that you need to be realistic with what you can take on here OP. It sounds like you're not coping, is there any scope to hire someone to get it done? Would be it better to admit defeat and accept that your 16 year old will be at her sister's for longer?

So you haven’t painted it or anything in the whole week that it’s had no flooring? You’ve literally just spent a week taking a desk out, removing a bed and taking up carpet??

Why did you remove the carpet if you know you couldn’t replace the floor in the first place?

The whole thing is so weird. Surely most people would have decorated a room in a week, not just removed a carpet?

Didn't you write this same post last night with a few details changed? Everyone suggested you may have ADHD. What did you dislike about those answers?

Why did a 16yo move out for you to do her room?

Surely they empty it. They can roll up a carpet. They could paint.

unthought at first your dd was the one with complex needs and that’s why she wasn’t/ couldn’t help.

But this is just ridiculous.

At 16 if you want your room decorated you do over 50% of the work yourself and draft in help where it’s needed.

Good grief it sounds like you've caused yourself quite a bit of work. Given the urgency and pending visit (and the need to get your daughter back home) can you make a new realistic plan that you can do yourself? Can you get a big rug to cover the floor as you've taken up the carpet and put the room back together so she can stay in it and its tidy for the visit? You can do the flooring at another time.

If I faced a DIY job that I knew was beyond me, and I couldn't afford to pay someone to do - I wouldn't start it unless it was absolutely essential.

This makes me think about our bannister. The gloss paint is peeling on the end-posts and rail. It needs repainting. But I do not have the energy reserves to do all the required paint stripping, sanding and re-painting. And I resent paying someone a lot of money for a job I could do. So the bannister remains in a state until it reaches a point I/we consider it essential and then either face having to do the work myself or justify the cost of paying someone to do it. I might even pay one of my kids to do it!