Dd isn't home because im taking so long.

[Whyohwhy99]

I have messed up. My house is quite a mess recently. Yesterday complex needs person rang me asked to come for a home visit which is today. Late afternoon. I agreed on purpose because it will force me to properly tidy up.

I'm sorting Dd16 bedroom. I have totally emptied it out carpet up. Which has taken me 5 days. Ds was going to take the roll of lino up from downstairs but he was on the phone. So i came down stairs to rest for a bit. About 30 mins later ds took the lino up for me. I was meant to go back up but I didn't. I cant do it on my own I can barely lift it. Ds can't help today because he's moving out.

Only thing I can think of is to ask dd16 to help me. Its her room I'm doing. But I really cant be arsed with crappy teenage strops. But also she's been at her sisters for a week because I'm taking so long to do the bedroom. And really she should be home and its because of me that she's not. She's quite happy at her sisters but thats not the point. It was just meant ti be for a couple of nights stretching to 3 wouldn't have been so bad but its been a week. I feel like I have dumped her.

@Whyohwhy99
when I started developing anaemia, house chores and diy started becoming next to impossible. I was just not strong enough and lacked any endurance.

I don’t think you need to rush off to the GP, but the next time you are there, I would mention it as part of your larger health profile.

It was being done a bit at a time because I have other stuff going on. Other children to look after. Also my ds was moving out so loads of his things was in the hall blocking it. So some stuff I couldn't do. So i was doing the bits I could do. When DS stuff was taken that meant i was able to do the rest.

Goodness, you must have very unusually well behaved, or well controlled teens, or none at all.
People are beautifully different and unpredictable.

Please don't feel the need to explain yourself to someone who is being sarcastic and rude .

That is super kind of you. But I don't feel comfortable with people in my house. I'm not good with people thank you though

I know. Sometimes I forget. Then kick myself for explaining.

Why on earth are you lifting flooring about the house when tidying is surely the priority?

If only more people who think like you worked in the fields of supporting families , especially women who might be neurodivergent which often has coexisting physical conditions alongside it.
I can understand @Whyohwhy99 ‘s posts perfectly fine but many people don’t and it’s one of the reasons it can be so hard to access appropriate support because people just don’t take the time and trouble to understand instead of judge from their neurotypical/ ableist perspective.
even if op isn’t neurodivergent it’s clear she has a lot on her plate and is struggling to manage all the competing priorities .

@Whyohwhy99 I really feel for you. I hope I'm not being insensitive but have you considered whether you have ASD and ADHD? The reason I was able to explain your posts is that I recognise the thought process so much from my own life. I have adult diagnoses of both and the medication for ADHD is helping me to get stuff done.

I find that I'm completely paralyzed with housework, then the pressure builds and suddenly I have to do.it.now but then my fatigue, etc., mean I can't achieve what I need to, and I underestimate the time it will take, then I'm overwhelmed and the paralysis is back.

I'm not if I wrote everything really badly to me it made sense. I was actually going to ask.

I don't know about asd never really thought about it. Its only recently I have been thinking about ADHD.
I have thought about seeing if that's the case but I don't know how. I guess the 1st step would be the gp. But I don't know how to approach it or what to say. I feel like i won't explain it well.
I don't know if they may just blame it on peri menopause. But i have been like this for as long as I can remember I just didn't know any different so I don't know if there's anything or not.

I think the pressure rushed in because I have been doing dds room which I have been struggling with. I then get a call from complex needs about ds and agree for her to come the next day. On top of that DS comes home and says I booked man and van tomorrow coming between 1.30-4.30 and complex needs person was coming 3.30. So it all felt piled on.

I definitely underestimated but I think its because in the past I could have done it and i forget that physically I'm not the same as i was.

I'm am better with house work than I used to be. But i can get thrown off if something changes

OP are you elderly or disabled in some way? You mention you’re in Peri so I’d assume 40s?

If that’s the case and you’ve gone from being able to do a physical task (laying Lino alone) to being completely exhausted and not strong enough to do it within a year then you need to see a GP. You need a full blood panel for one.

It’s not normal to see your physical ability and strength take a nose dive so suddenly. You most likely have another 40 years of life left and it’s really important you get stronger or you will be frail and sickly for a lot of that.

I know roughly whats causing it. But I sometimes forget. But it's not something I want to explain here. Or to my gp.

You know sometimes people have other things to do? It sounds like the OP has multiple children, so I assume they may have needed caring for/interacting with/feeding in that time. I have 3 children at home for the summer holidays and a 1 hour job can easily take me all day.

I think, honestly, if you go to the GP and say "All my life I've been like this <insert the things you struggle with> but it's become really hard and it's stopping me from doing all the things my children need. I know what I need to do but I just can't do it and I get really overwhelmed.", the GP will be able to easily see the need for referral.

Under Right to Choose you could be assessed reasonably quickly.

You're trying to care for people with complex needs when you are struggling yourself. It's no wonder you feel weak and exhausted. You sound burned out.

I will send them a message. It actually makes it easier to do it in writing. .

Managed to do most of the floor. I will finish tomorrow

She’s 16 not 6. Say to her you want this room doing you get home and help me do it, if you don’t enjoy your no carpet. YOU are the parent here.

You have totally missee the point. I did not want her here whilst I was doing the room. It just took me much longer than I had intended. I wanted to be on my own. She didn't demand it. She didn't ask for it. Its a me thing not a her thing Yes i did say I didn't want to deal with teenage strops. They are no worse than the average teenager but I didn't want to hear it. I find it hard to get on with this as it is. Without negative vibes. Again that's a me thing. I just want to be on my own music on and get in with it.

Was her room the priority to clean/clear for the guest coming? It seems like there are probably more important areas to focus on. I’d leave her room, chucking everything back in then deal with it after your visitor has left. Your daughter has somewhere else to stay for now.

There was no visitor. I must have worded my op badly. The person was a professional from complex needs coming to see my son.

Anyway I have done the flooring. I still need to build the bed and other stuff.. which im doung this evening

Yeah, I’d have stopped dealing with the bedroom and just got ready for the visit. Glad you have done it now though!
I had no idea what you meant, I thought it was someone coming to visit who had high/complex needs.

Mate, parenting a stroppy teen is impossible without SOME “bad vibes”

you are the adult here, take charge and ask her to help her do her bloody room

she’s not a member of the royal family, she can pitch in.

imagine how much satisfaction she’ll get from being part of the transformation

she’ll be a lot less likely to whinge about it afterwards too.

I wonder, if you get overwhelmed again @Whyohwhy99 perhaps you could use chat gpt or whatever to help you prioritise your tasks.

fwiw, it does look very likely that you have undiagnosed adhd or are at the very least stressed to the point of being totally overwhelmed

You missed the point. But i didn't write it well. Anyway the floor is 90% done. Dd is home. On matress on the floor. Later I will make the bed frame. Put desk back together build her drawers. Put her blinds up. Don't know if it will all get done today. But will see.
.
.

You just remanded me i said I was going to send a message to GP. Not sure how to word it. If i should write it in my natural way which would similar to how I have been typing in this thread or if I should ask chatgpt to help me.