When you go to a restaurant with your adult children who pays the bill?

[chroniclesofj]

My Children want to contribute but I never let them. Sometimes my mum pays

I'm nearly 60 and have never bought my mum and dad as much as a coffee, never mind a dinner. Dad insists on paying every single time. I used to make a real fuss about this and try to insist paying, then I realised this all stems from the fact he had a truly awful childhood and his own parents never bought him anything, quite the opposite, in fact. He was malnourished and never bought anything. He vowed he would never be like that when he had his own child, and so I indulge him. I do buy them very generous birthday and Christmas presents to try and compensate, though!

Usually me unless they want to test for birthdays. I have a much higher income than them.

We always pay.

always pay for my adult DC and my mum. Because I have way more than they do in terms of resources

I pay for my mum if we go out, shes never offered to pay.

My mum, always us. My dad, we spilt the bill.
My mum is sadly on end of life care and I forsee arguments over her estate sadly based on some family members ideas that we have more money than them/more than we know what to do with.

I pay. But my kids aren't done with college yet.

With my parents they paid until I was mid-late 20s and working a decent job. Then it became a bit of a mix and by the time I was 35-ish I pretty much always paid.

You should have called her out on it.

I won't delve to deeply into my childhood - we would be here all day! But I have noticed how my siblings reacted/over compensated for our parent's failings, I'm sure I have to, I gave up work to be with them as my Mum was very career focused, worked long hours and I can only ever recall never having enough time with her (I had time with Dad because I got involved with his business) I never wanted my kids to feel like that - not that other perfectly valid options aren't available in terms of parenting, I got back to my career eventually - so all was well.
One of my brothers showered his son with gifts to make up for his childhood, too much really but he was loved and that was the main thing. And despite all my parents failings, all 6 of us have good relationships with our adult children - that was important to us all.

I do a lot for my mother. If ever we go out for lunch or coffee, which isn't often, she always insists we split the bill. She is very well off. She also expects my children who are struggling and one has two children to support to pay for her if they visit and go out for lunch.

Whilst I was in uni, mum paid. Once I had a job, we tuck turns. When mum retired and had less spare cash, I started paying more often.

No snark here, I’m just interested why you’d pay for them all the time (can totally understand it if they’re low earners/struggling for money as we always paid for ours too under those circumstances)

And, it is a thread about whether people pay for their adult dc’s meals out so surely it’s acceptable to ask people’s reasoning?

@parachutegirl in my case it's because my parents have always paid for me (whether I was earning more or less than them at the time) so I do the same for my DC. A kind of 'pay it forward' approach.

It’s always us. We are fine with that as they are trying to buy properties and need to save.

For me because I enjoy treating her and wish to. It doesn’t Matter how much she earns, I’m still her parent, I can easily afford it. And I enjoy it.

Adult child here (53) and my parents always pay. They are a lot better off than DH and I, and we don’t see them often so they like to treat us.

PIL were different. FIL saw it as a mark of success snd was very proud that his son (DH) could pay for everyone - even though we’re hardly rolling in it. But tbh they were happy with Wetherspoons / Brewers Fayre so it didn’t exactly break the bank.

I pay for my children. DS and DIL do try and pay sometimes by going into a restaurant that you book on a phone. They always get away with that.

My parents pay for me. I pay for adult dc.

I usually offer to pay. I have more disposable income than they do. But I let them pay occasionally, because it's important to respect them when they clearly want to. Also I don't want to be completely taken for granted.

We (me and my sister) usually unless it's something like our birthday or a celebration for us like if we got a new job something - then my mum would pay.

In DHs family his parents always pay.

My sister and I earn a lot more than our parents so would feel super weird for them to pay. DHs parents are well off so I guess not such an issue. I find it weird parents paying though when we're grown ups!