When you go to a restaurant with your adult children who pays the bill?

[chroniclesofj]

My Children want to contribute but I never let them. Sometimes my mum pays

My dad has never let me put my hand in my pocket when I’m with him. Even when my siblings and I have taken our parents out, our treat for them on their wedding anniversaries, we have to ensure that one of us sneaks off and pays the bill as soon as we’ve ordered dessert, otherwise dad will try to pay.

I was only pondering this the other day.

We go out with DH's parents fairly frequently and 9 times out of 10 split the bill.

We go out with DH's 30 year old kids fairly frequently and their other halves - we always pay.

We also go out with his ex who comes as a package with the kids fairly frequently - and 9 times out of 10 pay for her (though she always offers).

My mum passed away a few years ago and I remember in my late 20s taking her out for a meal for the first time - and the first time my elder brother paid for us all - it was a bit of right of passage - but I think times have changes.

So you let your mum pay but not your children? My children and their partners have jobs probably have as much money as us , they chip in we split it between us, unless it is a specific treat.

90% of the time, they do. They have very good jobs and earn more money than I could have dreamed of earning.

I sometimes go out with them individually for lunch or something and we take turns in paying, dh does the same.

We are the squeezed middle - we pay for our DC because we want to and for DM because she is as tight as they come.

I pay as I earn more. That goes for my adult dc, their dc and my parents. I don’t earn loads but they earn less.
My Dad always tries to pay.

We take turns or split the bill, much the same as with any other adult, unless it’s a birthday treat or a thank-you for something. Perhaps the reason so many people on MN have difficult relationships with their offspring or their parents is that they don’t treat one another as fully functioning adults in this and other ways?

I do, because I have more money thany adult kids do. If it's Mother's Day I do allow an adult DC take me for lunch and pay but that is only time.

Almost always pay for adult dc and their partners
They don’t take advantage snd if we are all away together for a holiday they sometimes pay for everyone’s meal or snacks
It’s not an issue as we can afford to treat them but I understand for others it’s not as easy .

Me, I'd never ask them to pay.

When we go out with my inlaws, they pay for us!

We used to always pay for mam. We also used to pick up the bill for our daughter/husband/two kids. However we have been retired several years now and their children are now young adults so we now split the bill with their parents.
I often take my daughter out to lunch just the 2 of us and it's always my treat when I do that.

DP always paid until they retired and for some time after. We talk about money and DDad’s pension alone was more than DH and I were earning combined (DM also had a similar pension to DDad!).

Now we tend to take turns as finances are more equal.

We have no hard and fast rule, often depends on the occasion and who made the plans / invitation.

Generally with my Dad & wife, they pay, they like to treat us and often invite us to places we wouldn’t generally extend our budget to. In return we try and pay for things like breakfast out, a round of drinks etc but this generally requires us to rush in as they still like to offer.

My mum & husband, varies, we’ve treated them, then us and we have spilt the bill.

DHs parents rarely eat out, if we go to a cafe / fish & chips at the seaside, we usually end up paying, not sure why as they are fair better off then us!

We pay for the adult kids if we invite them out, including any partners / friends if we ask them too. My mentioned this recently as he ends up paying for himself & usually his gf if they go out with her parents where as we always pay.

We take it in turns. I can’t imagine never paying for my Mother when I’m also an adult. It’s just wrong to me.

I offer to pay and then my parents refuse unless it’s their birthday. But they are still young and working and I have young children. In a few years when I’m back working and my children are in school then me and DH will pay

Adult child, I pay for my parents as I think it’s nice to give back after years of them supporting me. I’m on mat leave so my mum has pushed her card onto the receipt dish and moved mine off at the end of meals / coffees recently 😂. Has told me to stop paying for her / wants to pay for both of us as she knows money is tighter at the moment. I don’t know what my siblings do but our setup works for us and has never been an issue!

We pay for meals for our adult children as we are lucky enough to be able to afford to easily. They will often pay for drinks, ice creams etc
My dad always paid when we went out..

Up until me and DH were probably 30, parents always paid. We were so so skint after I’d been seriously ill and unable to work, DH was working 2 jobs but was also a student.

Now, with MIL she pays - we’ve tried to pay but she leaves cash here then tells us when she’s home (she lives away so stays for a few days).

FIL - he used to always pay but we’ve (us and SIL) have gotten them to agree to have an uneven split - so they pay for everyone, then DH and SIL split the next bill.

My dad will always pay. We don’t go out often and it’s his only real opportunity to treat me and he got quite offended when I argued about it.

My mum is in a tight financial spot so I’ll pay for meals and she’ll pay for my drink/cake if we do that. She doesn’t like being fully paid for but also understands she can’t afford to treat me (especially as I have a sister and she’d feel like she has to treat her too).

I don't think it is anything to do with not being easy or able, but more to do with being equal adults, I also think working adults who don't pay their share is taking advantage of their parents generosity.

Whoever invites pays. My instinct is always to pay, and we do invite more often.

However, one of my DDs has a disability, doesn’t have many friends because of it, and feels lots of normal parts of adult life are limited for her so asked that we don’t always pay, and don’t insist on paying if she invites us somewhere.

My children are still at Uni with only part time jobs, so of course we pay.

My late parents were wealthier than DH and I, so they typically paid for us. PILs were not so wealthy, so we split or we treated them.

We are wealthy, and imagine will continue to treat our children until such time as they are wealthier than us (which I'm not sure will happen in our lifetimes, even when we retire, since we benefitted from free Uni, lower house prices, final salary pensions and extremely hefty inheritances).

Is it? Or is it giving joy to my parents because they came from nothing and have great pleasure in being able to treat us?

We are parents to 3 adult children and we always pay. We will not allow them to, unless we are ever in financial difficulties.

Im in my 40s as is my sibling , when we go out 9/10 times my parents pay . They do have more disposable cash than we do but I think they would pay anyway , it’s just the way they are . Occasionally if it’s one of their birthdays my sibling and I will split it