When you go to a restaurant with your adult children who pays the bill?

[chroniclesofj]

My Children want to contribute but I never let them. Sometimes my mum pays

We do...the parents. We enjoy taking our DC and partners out and might get them to get a round in but we always pay for meals. It's part of us spending their inheritance ;-)

I only have small kids so I'm answering it from the other way round. Usually we all pay for ourselves (obviously we pay for our own little kids), but sometimes we pay as a thank you for babysitting etc, or on birthdays.

It's funny how you are the one that is using quite strong terms like calling my feelings ridiculous and now I'm offensive, bitter and resentful with barely contained envy. Anything else you'd like to share? Strong language indeed, but apparently I'm the one with the problem.😂

We usually pay for our daughter and her husband. The only exception has been when they’ve stayed with us for a long period of time and they want to take us out to say thank you. Once she retired, I used to try to pay for my mum, but she was very stubborn and used to say she was going to the loo but sneak off to pay the bill instead 😆

DD (21) proffers her credit card, and we often noticed a surprised look on the waitstaff's face. Of course, we're actually paying her credit card bill, plus she gets cashback so it's a win-win for her.😂

Personally, I think we'll be paying until they're earning a decent income, then we might take turns. DH and I (50's) assume that we'll pay for our parents but sometimes they insist on covering the bill.

Edit to say to @chroniclesofj that I'd let your adult children pay sometimes, they obviously want to treat you and it will give them pleasure.

Our parents let their DCs who earn the same or more than them pay for dinner, but parents still pay for groceries etc when DCs are hanging out at parents' house. If their DC earns less than the parents then parents pay

And furthermore @Brightlittlecanaryevery post people make on a public forum isn't an attack on you and your dd. We all have different opinions on these things, no need to take comments so personally. We can disagree without personal attacks.

It varies. If we are staying with them, they pay, if they are staying with us we pay.

Wow, ok. You’re having a really strong reaction.

calm down, take a step away from the thread.

I and my husband like to treat our adult daughter and her partner , this is our decision, it is not infantalising, she does not need it.

this has no bearing on whay the situation is with you and your parents. It does not make my daughter any less of a successful independent adult. I can assure you. They are a lawyer and an investment banker. Neither of them needs it. Neither of them are being infantilised. This is our choice and we are happy to do it, it is genuinely our pleasure.

whatever is causing your upset and making you write the things you are is not me and how our family works.

move on.

I'm in my 30s and we tend to pay - my parents do a lot for us, so I don't mind at all. TBF my parents don't really like eating out and we will seek out the deals, so it's never awful!

We always pay for our adult children / partners/ grandchildren we enjoy treating them it gives us pleasure and it’s a great opportunity to spend time together.
Sometimes one of my adult children will” take” us out on a special occasion in which case they pay.
I really knew when the parent / child dynamic changed when my mum at aged 80 stopped insisting on paying when we took her out.

I really don't care what you and your dh do with your dd - what going on in your head?😂

We each pay for ourselves now unless it’s a birthday as I’m single and on a lower income than both my adult children.

Last time I went with my mum, she insisted on a very expensive restaurant, ordered a £300 bottle of wine and the steak and then said ‘we’ll split this down the middle ’ when the bill came. She earns very very well and I was on Mat leave at the time. I don’t bother now. She’s only ever bought me dinner once, the day her own mother in law came with us.

That’s shocking. What a horrible way to behave.

I do, because I can easily afford it.

I think it really depends who has the means, I earn ok, but my parents have plenty, and my siblings too, unless it was the siblings when we'd go dutch it is usually the one with the most cash.

We pay. They do offer but we wouldn’t accept. They’re doing well and could afford it but we are older and have more so it’s nothing to us.

The person who suggests going out pays in our house. So sometimes I do, sometimes DD does.

We always pay for our adult children . None of them are earning much unfortunately.

We pay

My parents have always paid for me and DH and DC.

About 5 years ago when I was in my 40s and about ten years into their retirement they started accepting that I would pay. At this point I had considerably more money than them.

it’s been a five year transition but now we pretty much take it in turns.

my adult DC are still all studying so I pay for them. I would expect to continue to do so.

I feel similar to you but it’s the result of a dysfunctional childhood and I don’t like help generally as if someone helps me all I hear is you are useless and stupid and I must step in. I was expected to know how to do things without being told how as a child so it comes from that. as I said upthread we always pay for my mum she never offers so that’s better for me mentally!

my lovely father in law tries to pay and if he succeeds then I don’t mind that . Not every time of course. I like it because it makes him happy and I don’t have the emotional history.

As the DC I always pay for everything if I’m with my Mum. With my Dad he always wants to pay.

I generally pay for my adult children, although not always. It feels like a mum thing to do.