When you go to a restaurant with your adult children who pays the bill?

[chroniclesofj]

My Children want to contribute but I never let them. Sometimes my mum pays

Depends on the occasion if it is a big family event we all pay for ourselves/family unit.

My parents, stepparents and grandparents will always pay if it’s a smaller meal out, unless its father’s day or their birthday then us “kids” pay. My Grandad especially gets very annoyed if we pay and will give the cash to my kids.

When they were starting out we always paid for everyone them 4 DGC. As they have gotten more established they always insist they pay.

I pay. My DD is at uni my son works but minimum wage. I think if either had a good paying job then I’d be up for them taking me out on occasion. And if partners and kids along too I’d be happy to split it in thirds (so in effect subsidising them), unless one/both were doing really well! My DH would often pay when for my parents but that was also because usually we’d be inviting them out.

My kids are early 20s, I pay. If they were with gf I’d still pay. When I used to go with my mum I’d pay for her as well. At the moment it seems right,

My parents always pay - I’m 37 and DH is 42! We don’t have children ourselves.

We pretty much always pay for our adults Dads and their partners unless they are specifically treating us. We have far more disposable income than they do. When eating out with my DM we take it in turns to pay.

That will be adult DDs!

I haven’t done those things so paying for my 20 something kids is something I choose to do. We don’t go out often anyway as they don’t live at home (one still at uni), so it’s only a couple of times a year. As time goes on I expect there’ll be a bit of role reversal.

This is a very black and white way of looking at it - there are lots of reasons why working adult children might have less disposable income and not be able to fund meals out. If the parents are happy to pay in order to spend that time with their children then how on earth is that taking advantage?

Until a few years ago the default was always that my parents would pay if we all went out cos they were better off than us. Now we have three adult sized kids the bill is substantially more than when they were little kids. Also my parents are retired but still paying a big mortgage so are now more worried about money than us. There was a transition where we'd split it but the last few times we've been out we've paid for them.

I'd say it all depends on people's situation.

Two of my kids are now adults but students and still really dependent on us so generally we pay for them.

Ha ha very funny. Mine have an unusual affliction which causes them to lose the use of their arms at the end of restaurant meals. Fortunately it’s only temporary and seems to correct itself as the card reader prints out the receipt.

working people can afford a meal out or they wouldn't be there would they? As I said nothing is rigid we do pay sometimes we know our own family so judge on that , but letting mum and dad "treat you" to dinner every single time you go out is taking the piss and immature .

My mum nearly always pays because she ‘can’t take it with her’.

We do, and for her bf, but she's a student. Her tinder will come 🥰

We tend to split the bill with my parents unless it's a special occassion like their birthday/ mothers day or fathers day and then I pay. My inlaws always insist on paying even though they are retired.

we each pay for our own, although i might slip a quiet bank transfer to youngest

Whoever suggested going out for the meal pays. Take turns in suggesting.

My dad refuses to let me or my brothers pay and we all earn well. If I manage to pay he transfers me the money later.

People work out what they owe on the bill

I think this is a very sad way to view families. In our family, we play to our strengths. In our case, we have the financial strength. Our children do stuff for us like gardening, decorating, dog sitting etc, because their strengths are currently physical and time. They are still grown, functioning adults.

There's no scorecard, no tit for tat. Simply if we're in a position to be able to help each other, we do, because we're family and we love each other and happily do things for each other.

We do (parents) as we are significantly better off, we don’t do it often but they (and their partners) get a nice meal. We do give them realistic boundaries though. 😂

Our parents always paid, or nearly always, because they usually could afford to more easily than any any of us. One of my brothers was a musician, with very uncertain income, I was a private therapists for struggling families with autistic children and couldn’t bring myself to charge hugely so stuck with the amount I knew they could claim from the Council (5.00 ph back then - really not much evenat the time). My elder brother did sometimes as he was the only one who ever earnt a large amount but he hated the work and we all encouraged him to do something which made him happy, which eventually he did. He was very generous when he was loaded though. The Parents were happy as they had been well enough off to take us all out if they wanted to, good pensions are useful eh?

My parents hosted us all every Sunday lunch, and we all made quite an effort to be there as we all liked each other and had a lot of fun. Yes, we’d chip in a bit and as generous as we each could be with birthday and Christmas gifts too.

The main thing was that we all enjoyed being together.

I’d still always pay as they’d never suggest going out , for a meal or a coffee. I do the legwork.

We pay. Always. We insist and we don’t mind at all but we also bloody pay for my in laws and THAT pisses me off. Every damn time. They don’t even pretend to offer.

If we’re out with DS21 we’ll always still pay. If it’s a pay at point of ordering place he’ll sometimes pick up a dessert or drinks round.

If we’re out for dinner with DP’s parents they always pay and we’ll get a drinks round in. We’ve tried to be the ones to treat them but they always get in first so now we’ll get them an afternoon tea or restaurant voucher