People expecting lifts

[DanceUnderStars]

I do a hobby once a week with my daughter that we have to drive about 40 minutes to get to. My daughter lives with me and we share the driving.

A new woman has joined the group about 3 months ago, who it turns out lives a 5 minutes drive from us, on our route to the hobby. She doesn’t drive and gets the bus to the group.

She has now found out she lives near us and has asked if we can give her a lift. Neither of us want to do it as we don’t really like this woman and we also like having the time to have a good chat and catch up on the journey. Although we live together, with my husband and son as well, we are both busy so it’s nice to have that time each week to talk. We also occassionally don’t go straight to or home after the hobby, but most of the time we do.

We have said no but are now getting some comments from other members of the group that it’s a shame we won’t help her. I have shut them down and changed the subject but people keep suggesting we should help her and we are being unreasonable. She started the group knowing she’d have to use public transport so I don’t really have much sympathy, I’m pissed off with the comments. Last week when we walked in, a group including this woman were talking about the possibility of us giving her a lift with one woman saying she doesn’t see why we won’t. It’s really awkward.

How would you handle it? We have said no, explained we like to use it as a catch up, we don’t always go straight to and from the hobby, but they’re still going on about it.

Wow! Did you ever say anything to her about it and are you still friemds?

Some people are such users.

Well done OP. So pleased your teacher stuck up for you!

These women who are now not talking to you are as thick as pig shit. They have NOTHING to offer to you. Ignore.

Thanks for the update. Glad the teacher put the women on the spot. As for Miss grab a lift she’s probably found a different group to join and annoy people.

That is hilarious.
As someone suggested I think asking about the rota set up, getting in first is the way to go.

Years ago at a toddler group I attended two CF mums, full of complaints and helpful suggestions, asked about why there wasn't a painting table.
CF....like a parent wants to be responsible for that mess.
My friend who takes no hostages says loudly "fantastic idea of yours to set up and run a painting table" and promptly turned around and announced it to the whole group that X and Y were going to set up a painting table.
They were purple with annoyance and fury and spluttering.

Following week she asked them when was it going to happen????
Again spluttering.
She gave them the evil eye after that and they never made another complaint or suggestion.
CF's.

The teacher innocently said ‘oh, is it still due to the transport problems you were talking about last week? I thought a few of you were planning a rota for lifts for her, did that not work out?’ 🤣🤣🤣

So good!

OP, you definitely cannot leave that group with a leader like that.
She sounds great, and well able.

I’m glad you’re both still able to go to the group OP!

I am trying to find some sympathy for this woman if she has genuine physical issues - believe me I do, and it’s horrible.
I try to stay positive but sometimes I will look at someone doing something simple - a walk on the beach, a shopping trip around town on foot, a lovely drive where your feet are on the peddles, and I can’t do any of them anymore and you really take for granted mobility until it is greatly reduced.
However, you then need to work with what you can and what you can’t do. A disabled person still needs to live, have social contact and make friends.
But nothing good comes from bulldozing others into anything. This lady made a choice to join this group and decided the bus journey was acceptable, too.
That’s it.
Had she been great company and lovely to be around I think over time OP and her daughter may have made a joint decision to at least offer a lift - not out of pity but out of a sense of community and friendship.
Teachers in these arenas are used to group dynamics and the one here is switched-on. Don’t forget she needs bums on seats and no disruption. She’s handled it superbly.
And finally can I add its people like the disrupter here who make it very difficult for anyone with a disability. We do get viewed with disdain at times - what do you need a blue badge for? you look okay to me? - and these kinds of behaviours do not help.
Most people with disabilities turn up to groups wanting to be treated the same as everyone else.
I can remember when I was first very poorly and trying to get some foothold. I joined a local college and signed on to a weekly 8 week course. I was desperate to go every week and not miss a session - my dad took me. But two weeks in and I was struggling.
The teacher asked how she could help and I joked and said well apart from putting some chairs together and letting me bring a pillow next week, not much.
And she said, no problem. You can learn lying down. She told the group and everybody said, fine. And it became a running joke and a source of great humour.
Petula doesn’t like to take things lying down.
Oh have a lie down Petula.
I was suicidal before that course. I had been so ill physically, and I thought I couldn’t go on.
I didn’t want attention, but I desperately wanted to attend and I did and finished the course. I made two friends I still have today.
I was concerned people might think 🤔 was a bit odd but once in the class I joined in like everyone else.
When we finished I can’t begin to tell you the difference it made and how much being a part of something made to me.
But I never would have stayed if my needs would have overridden someone else’s.

Theres not enough room in my boot for a human (smart car)

Just read update. Well done teacher

Great update OP. Being entitled does them no good, whoever they are.

Did she turn up last night, OP?

This is a fantastic post. And I think you're right that had she been great company and lovely to be around – and generally behaved better! – things might have worked out differently.

I agree with those who've said the teacher did it deliberately. Very well played
The others sound like nasty pieces of work. It's a pity that there seems for now to be a schism in the group, but on the other hand maybe they're not worth being friendly with anyway if this is how they behave.
it's hilarious, and quite predictable too, that something that was a 'little favour' and not a big deal when they were suggesting the OP did it suddenly became unthinkable when it looked like they might have to!

I will never forget the teacher, Madeleine. Loads of people dropped out there were only 3 students and on the last day I went in and they were all lying on seats with pillows.
A great teacher is worth their weight in gold.

"on the last day I went in and they were all lying on seats with pillows" I absolutely LOVE this.