People expecting lifts

[DanceUnderStars]

I do a hobby once a week with my daughter that we have to drive about 40 minutes to get to. My daughter lives with me and we share the driving.

A new woman has joined the group about 3 months ago, who it turns out lives a 5 minutes drive from us, on our route to the hobby. She doesn’t drive and gets the bus to the group.

She has now found out she lives near us and has asked if we can give her a lift. Neither of us want to do it as we don’t really like this woman and we also like having the time to have a good chat and catch up on the journey. Although we live together, with my husband and son as well, we are both busy so it’s nice to have that time each week to talk. We also occassionally don’t go straight to or home after the hobby, but most of the time we do.

We have said no but are now getting some comments from other members of the group that it’s a shame we won’t help her. I have shut them down and changed the subject but people keep suggesting we should help her and we are being unreasonable. She started the group knowing she’d have to use public transport so I don’t really have much sympathy, I’m pissed off with the comments. Last week when we walked in, a group including this woman were talking about the possibility of us giving her a lift with one woman saying she doesn’t see why we won’t. It’s really awkward.

How would you handle it? We have said no, explained we like to use it as a catch up, we don’t always go straight to and from the hobby, but they’re still going on about it.

I love this!

She chose the hobby that is 40 minutes away. By bus. She is not going for kidney dialysis is she?

Do come back op and let us know how it goes this week. We are invested now.

😂

We went to the class this week and the woman wasn’t there again. The teacher hadn’t heard from her again so asked if anyone knew if she was coming. The woman who read out the text last week said she wasn’t coming but gave no explanation this week. The teacher innocently said ‘oh, is it still due to the transport problems you were talking about last week? I thought a few of you were planning a rota for lifts for her, did that not work out?’ 🤣🤣🤣 I had to stare at the floor as I knew my daughter and possible a couple of the other women would be smirking and I’d end up laughing.

The women that had been in favour of us giving the woman a lift all said different versions of why they couldn’t possibly do a rota. The teacher said she would contact the woman this week to see how she is and if she still wants the place and they all went quiet.

They said hello to us when we were having drinks but didn’t chat to us like they used to and stayed in their smaller group. The rest of the group chatted as normal.

I had a few messages after the class to say the teacher was either genuinely oblivious to the tension or played a blinder by saying what she did in the way she did. She can’t not have picked up on it last week as she saw the whole thing play out so I’m choosing to think she thought it was funny but was able to keep a straight face.

I think the teacher will be as glad as we would be if this woman stopped coming as she tries to dominate her time and is very loud.

Well done that teacher.

Nicely played by the teacher!

Thanks for the update. Fingers crossed for this to be over now so you can concentrate on the classes and the normal people.

The teacher is a bit of a Bellingham, then ⚽️ 😀

Good for the teacher. If she had to choose, what would she do?

Keep one new group member who is loud, monopolises her time & annoys other people and run the risk of losing two others, or keep two existing paying group members and potentially lose one tiresome new member?

The teacher’s on MN, clearly.

🤣🤣🤣

whereas you are clearly super kind arent you?

Perhaps you could offer the woman a lift?
Or RTFT.

Yet another person happy to look kind and generous by pressuring other people to go out of their way to help others. If you are so kind, diy. Show not tell.

Go teacher!
(perhaps she’s read this thread!)

You're one of those performative #bekind people aren't you?

Presumably you're not very kind to other people though.

Except it actually only makes them look stupid.

Nope. I think it’s more a case of the person she’s talking about setting herself on fire deliberately to see who she could manipulate to piss on her first. It’s not a question of generosity. It’s that a disabled person, perfectly capable of using the bus joined the class with the intention of finding some sap to give her a lift every week, simply because she’s disabled. It’s not on. And I say that a disabled person myself.

Why don’t you offer a life then ?

Ha ha ha!

Well done to the teacher!

Now @THisbackwithavengeance, was that a generous and kind thing to say?

Presumably you'd be happy about a virtual stranger not asking, but telling you that from now on, you were giving them a lift every week.

I used to offer lifts to a supposed friend, as no car and sometimes inconvenient but was a friend and honestly thought it would be reciprocated one day. Nope, I got left outside a nightclub, on my own, whilst she drove off with her boyfriend at 2am in the morning and it never was. I vowed that I'd not be a taxi service ever again, as this 'entitlement' to something from far too many people is getting out of hand now. As for the 'discussions' about the lift, again can't be doing with covens, I'd be finding another group.

Well done that teacher

Well done to the teacher. She clearly played a blinder. What a rude woman not letting teacher know she isn’t attending.