People expecting lifts

[DanceUnderStars]

I do a hobby once a week with my daughter that we have to drive about 40 minutes to get to. My daughter lives with me and we share the driving.

A new woman has joined the group about 3 months ago, who it turns out lives a 5 minutes drive from us, on our route to the hobby. She doesn’t drive and gets the bus to the group.

She has now found out she lives near us and has asked if we can give her a lift. Neither of us want to do it as we don’t really like this woman and we also like having the time to have a good chat and catch up on the journey. Although we live together, with my husband and son as well, we are both busy so it’s nice to have that time each week to talk. We also occassionally don’t go straight to or home after the hobby, but most of the time we do.

We have said no but are now getting some comments from other members of the group that it’s a shame we won’t help her. I have shut them down and changed the subject but people keep suggesting we should help her and we are being unreasonable. She started the group knowing she’d have to use public transport so I don’t really have much sympathy, I’m pissed off with the comments. Last week when we walked in, a group including this woman were talking about the possibility of us giving her a lift with one woman saying she doesn’t see why we won’t. It’s really awkward.

How would you handle it? We have said no, explained we like to use it as a catch up, we don’t always go straight to and from the hobby, but they’re still going on about it.

Oh I'd hate this and would probably stop going at all to avoid the whole situation. Can the hobby be done at a different venue/ night to just avoid?

So she has complained about you to other members??

You “Moira - if you are so concerned with how Julie will get to club and back I assume you are volunteering? “
……….
Her “um no I cant its not convenient, I dont go straight there, I run errands etc”

You “ exactly”

I think you just need to not react to the comments. It'll become old news eventually. Grey rock and all that, it takes 2 to argue.

Me and Jane have a lot on our plate with family at the moment, it’s the one point in the week where we can talk properly.

Also, I should add before any more people respond, that this woman has a disability so I think that is adding to why people feel like we should help her. Sorry, I meant to add it to my OP, no drip feed intended. 😥

I would say loudly and clearly 'Just to clarify to all those that appear to have an opinion, I'm afraid Sarah and I cannot offer to give Jackie a lift every week to the group. We don't always leave from home and often have stuff to do after this meeting. It's also our only mother and daughter time, which is precious to us. If Jackie's unwillingness to catch the bus she intended to means that people are going to snipe about us and make us uncomfortable perhaps someone else would like to volunteer to go and fetch Jackie every week?

I'm not afraid of being rude to judgemental twats.

Take her once, drive like a lunatic, discus your theories on evolution in the car and then drop her at the wrong house.

If she argues insist that this is where she lives and she must get out immediately.

She’s desperate and unhinged. Match her energy.

This

"Sorry we do not go directly to and from the venue so cannot offer Josie a lift. "

Just no. She can use public transport so presumably was fine with that when she joined the group. If she has a disability she likely has a bus pass. I'd hate to lift share in her circumstances though, and in yours! You might want to consider saying something about splitting petrol costs three ways instead of two.

This is one of those situations where explaining is pointless because people don't respect your decision and are bad mouthing you.

I think you'll need to meet them head on, reiterate that you're not going to do it as it doesn't work for you, and tell them to lay off.

This is a really awkward situation and I don’t envy you, I’d probably try and find another group to get out of it!

You are being perfectly reasonable not to give her a lift for the reasons you’ve given, but I can also see why she and others think you’re being a bit mean since you go past her house.

I’d definitely have a direct word with the people who were commenting about it when you walked in last week though. Knowing me being a people pleaser I’d probably deliberately go out for dinner with my dd afterwards every single week so I’d have a good excuse without lying, even if I really didn’t want to 😂

As other pp have said, You need to do this. You need to do it to as many in the group together to nip it in the bud. Big girl pants on and say it. Tell them they have no idea about your home life and the car journey is the only time each week you and your daughter get to have proper one to one talks.

How about offering to take her home but not pick her up? You would still have half the journey time on your own and dropping off is less hassle than having to leave home early to collect her.
Obviously you don't have to, but you don't know what is going on for her either and it might mean a lot.

Giving Josie a lift doesn’t work for us.

I did this, I got roped into giving a former colleague who lived in my town a lift to and from work, and she proceeded to take the absolute piss, kept ‘forgetting’ lunch and I had to take her out at lunchtime so she could buy something, and detours to the supermarket on the way home so she could do her shopping! I ended up signing up to a Pilates class after work meaning I didn’t go straight home, to get rid of her! 🤣

Because Josie is a CF and enabling her doesn’t help anyone.

The people bitching can run her home if she’s that bothered.

Unless you take her and repeat for the entire journey, “I feel like I’ve been forced to take you home. You’ve bitched and nagged so much that other people are on my back about this. I resent doing this. You are an utter user and you disgust me.”

Hopefully she won’t ask again.

Nope.

This month that you should have to explain yourself
I’d hate this aswell

You don’t need to do anything, you’ve said why you can’t give her a regular lift. It’s not your fault they won’t listen.

I wouldn’t went to carry on with this group to be honest . A 40 minute drive just to be bitched about is not my idea of fun.

THIS and I would also add "It sounds like you're very keen to help which is lovely. Perhaps you could see if there's someone who lives on her route, or perhaps you could assist her with taxi fare? thanks so much"

I bet you'll never hear a peep from them again

You don't have to make excuses or explain yourself to anyone OP. This is a hobby group not high school, tell them to stop being drama queens and help her out themselves if they're so concerned for her. How awful that someone just starts trouble in a group like that, it won't be the first time she's done this. She's probably been guilting people into people letting her have her own way and then starts this behaviour when someone just says 'no'.

No hobby is worth this nonsense

I wouldn't want to do a hobby with this bunch of bitches!