Do people still teach children basic table manners at home?

[Lolabear38]

I grew up in a house where table manners were explicitly taught from very young age. Nothing drastic, the main ones were nobody starts eating until everybody’s sitting at the table, nobody leaves the table until everybody’s finished, you put your knife and fork neatly on your plate when you’re done, no singing at the table etc. My partner on the other hand grew up in a house where none of these were enforced and as such he doesn’t do any of these. He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things. Now that we have children I think it’s important that they learn good table manners and I’ve spoken to my partner about this and he just doesn’t see it’s important. He claims that nobody he knows focuses on table manners anymore?! Is he right?! What do you do in your homes?

My DS from when he was tiny was taught good table manners. Often it was just the two of us but he ate properly, joined in the conversation and was respectful. He still is. I think good table manners shows a classy way about you.

We've always loved eating out so you need good table manners to do so.

I find it stressful eating out when there are children with bad manners.

This! They are being taught in adulthood things that were not taught in childhood. Are we teaching our young people all the social skills they need to feel confident out there in the world.

To achieve in life is not only down to exam results and degrees, manners and social skills are vital. Those that do not teach their children do them a disservice.

I do actually know young people who say they don’t care, they feel it is not important. They feel it is all snobbery and looking down on people. But isn’t that attitude starting from a negative perspective and what does it achieve.

But my husband has undergone such training as required because he seems to like that sort of employer.

I run a million miles from them, into a Boardroom position where no one wore shoes and someone was playing pool in the next room. They'd have been less surprised if my head was on fire than if I suggested an etiquette coach.

I don't know why people keep pressing the fact that certain, very small cohorts of employers are very particular about these things as if it's some sort of "gotcha" to those who don't like those things? It's like saying, "ooohhh, but if you don't do a medical degree, you can't be a doctor". Well no shit, Sherlock. (Incidentally, doctors don't have etiquette lessons, and can hardly be accused of being unskilled or unambitious).

Besides, as you've said, people who choose the spheres where specifics are required are either given or can obtain the skills required. As did my husband.

We don't do all the table manners we were brought up on but do instill the basics. No issue who starts eating first apart from more formal meals.

But you do realise realise that the vast majority of boardroom positions aren’t like that? I’ve got to be honest, I’ve never been anywhere that needed an “etiquette coach” but equally, I’ve never been in a boardroom with no shoes either. The vast majority? You do need to have basic table manners. That’s a given. If you do not know how to correctly use a knife and fork? You are out of place in any boardroom. Or decent restaurant actually.

My entire post was about how different workplaces have different cultures. So shockingly, yes, I am aware.

My point was that learning something to fit into a highly specific scenario (which is unlikely for most people regardless of their knowledge of which is the fish knife):

A) isn't important if those skills can be picked up later without much effort.
B) isn't relevant if you don't want to do that sort of work/live in that sort of culture - as I don't.

And lots of people aren't talking about using knife and fork properly - they're talking about a lot more arcane and specific rules. Incidentally I use mine slightly differently because I'm dyspraxic. If people get all hoity toity about my using them in the opposite hands, they'd shit a brick at me managing to catapult curry over the next table in the "correct" hands.

Using a knife and fork correctly isn’t a “specific” scenario, nor is it “arcane”. It is a basic life skill. But, you do you. This thread is about what people are teaching their children, and if you aren’t teaching your children this, because of your “boardroom, no shoe, pool ball” experience you are, in fact, doing them a disservice. If it’s just you, doing you? Your choice.

Why not go the whole hog and put the bowl on the floor and dispense with the chopsticks?

Yours sound a bit strict. But I agree no knife licking. But daft to make everyone wait.

This is a very good idea - cut out the middle
man errrr lap…

I wish I had had this idea when my DD was small. She would have laughed her head off. In fact, I would have put my own bowl alongside hers.

I was taught table manners from a young age (white, immigrant Irish working class family financially. Intelligent and ambitious culturally).

No elbows on table
No eating till all are served and ready
Offer food to others before taking for yourself
Take you food to your mouth not your mouth to your food (lift your cutlery / don’t shovel food in with your face hovering over your plate)
Put your cutlery down occasionally - breathe - it’s not a face-filling race!
Finish your mouthful before consuming more
Close your bloody mouth when eating and do not talk with your mouth full
Hold your cutlery correctly
Talk to your fellow diners - absolutely no reading at the table!
Wait till everyone has finished before clearing (kids can ask to get down when adults have finished eating but should take something to the kitchen).

I can’t tell you how warmly I remember my childhood family meals. Laughter, piss taking and love. All of the above was delivered with quiet reminders, humour and whilst being talked to about our days. Never admonished.

I’m bloody grateful to my mum and dad for the above to be honest. I’ve had to have meals in some pretty formal situations and I’ve never felt uncomfortable.

I'm teaching him reading comprehension.

For example, I didn't say that using a knife and fork correctly was arcane.

And once again, I'm not anti learning table manners. I'm just trying to point out that the repeated point others are making about it being some life-or-death arbiter of your career prospects isn't true.

It may rest your conscience to know that my son has lovely table manners (for a 2yo), albeit our dining room is hot as all hell at the moment so we eat on the floor in the lounge.

I think it's fascinating how people who know table manners refuse to teach it to their offspring, essentially making their lives harder in the future for no reason. But then again, people give children ridiculous names that make their lives harder, and I could think of many other examples. There's probably some deep rooted psychological reason for that... 🙄

Doctors have extensive training in culturally conscious, effective, and respectful communication with patients. At least, my DS did, in his US medical training. If British doctors don't have the same training, they should.

Doctors absolutely do take etiquette lessons too, if they realise their parents have dropped the ball. They mix with colleagues, including leaders in their fields, at conferences and even at work and socially, and nobody wants to look gauche or out of place in the company of senior professionals.