Do people still teach children basic table manners at home?

[Lolabear38]

I grew up in a house where table manners were explicitly taught from very young age. Nothing drastic, the main ones were nobody starts eating until everybody’s sitting at the table, nobody leaves the table until everybody’s finished, you put your knife and fork neatly on your plate when you’re done, no singing at the table etc. My partner on the other hand grew up in a house where none of these were enforced and as such he doesn’t do any of these. He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things. Now that we have children I think it’s important that they learn good table manners and I’ve spoken to my partner about this and he just doesn’t see it’s important. He claims that nobody he knows focuses on table manners anymore?! Is he right?! What do you do in your homes?

thats neither here nor there. The point is you can’t judge someone you perceive to be Nigerian as ok to use “bad manners” but someone you perceive not to be as fair game.

it just reinforces the Eurocentric colonial attitude that you get to decide what’s ok.

He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things.

I hope the ‘couple of other things’ don’t include talking with his mouth full… 😱

He is a very poor role model for your children.

I'm fine with very young children being allowed to leave the table when they have finished, but other than that they should be taught basic table manners. To avoid embarrassing themselves in social situations in later life if nothing else.

There’s manners and then there’s stuffiness for no reason. Mine sit at the table and eat nicely, but I wouldn’t get pent up about singing nor would i say it’s bad manners necessarily.
At 2 & 4 they aren’t adults and while I have certain expectations of them, my expectation isn’t for them to behave like adults.

Of course it is.

If she knows full well they're not Nigerian then they're not Nigerian! 🤣

Why are you trying so hard to make this about race?

absolutely agree!

"How odd" ... Yes you are rude!!!!

Militant here. Right down to explaining to them why you don’t take the nose off the Brie, and why you break off a little cluster from a bunch of grapes on the table, rather than taking a grape at a time.
Ultimately good table manners is about being considerate of other people’s comfort and convenience instead of simply centring your own needs at their expense.

He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things.

This, to me isn't even about 'table manners' its about social interaction, company, and being considerate to whoever cooked. He is treating the place like a diner or cafeteria and his partner as staff (waitress and cook). He's showing no interest in eating 'together' or being grateful for being cooked for, he's just taking the food and getting away again. I would not want to live like that.

Yes. Ridiculous, isn't it?

Nowhere else on Earth would parents teaching their children politeness and good manners be castigated for being controlling.

It's a parent's job to teach children how to behave. If that involves a certain amount of 'Do as you are told' from the parent, so be it. A civilised society depends on people following expected standards of behaviour.

Controlling adults who have kids, go on to be controlling parents.

So, 'Do as you're told when I ban you from leaving the table even though you've finished eating, just because I say so', would be seen as controlling in many places on earth.

It's just completely unnecessary and I imagine adds to a lot of mealtime stress and food issues.

Everyone thinks what they do is normal and expected. I taught table manners to mine, new partner was brought up in a household where no one are together, spoons are used rather than knives and forks, his children are adults and also use spoons or fingers.

But what wrong with eating like a Nigerian? You’ve decided it’s not ok?

But what wrong with eating like a Nigerian? You’ve decided it’s not ok?

Presumably if you were in Nigeria, or somewhere with Nigerian people where Nigerian food was being served, you would watch how they ate and follow their example.

If you're in Britain or somewhere with British people where British food is served of a type that is intended to be eaten with cutlery when sitting at a table, then you sit at a table and use cutlery.

I think you're flogging a dead horse here, trying to explain to an adult that different countries/cultures have differing acceptable standards, and that's what's considered polite and mannerly in one culture, won't necessarily be in another.

Shouldn't need explaining but yet here we are.

Dh is strict that nobody starts eating before everyone has their food in front of them including the person cooking. We were all taught no elbows on table, and to thank whoever cooked but I don’t think we were ever told that but yeah I think it’s good.

I know someone who moved house and the house he moved into has a dining room. He says that he was amazed how it transformed mealtimes into a family time

So you think someone who eats with their hands in Nigeria should stop doing it if they eat in the uk?

or what, you’ll judge them as - well, as per this thread- lazy, disgusting, poorly parented etc?

It doesn’t need explaining, your simple point is easy to understand.

the point is, it’s colonial and discriminatory, blinkered and Eurocentric.

I have lived in Nigeria. Plenty of people eat in public and plenty of people eat with cutlery.
And the Nigerian students at our school use cutlery. Through choice. As do Chinese students and everyone else!

Good for you. That really doesn’t negate the point though, although great to hear about worldwide traditions being dropped in favour of our superior western norms

Oh you have got this totally wrong, it is not at all controlling.

Coming together as a family every evening to sit at a table and enjoy a meal can and should be an absolute pleasure. A little tricky in the early years but kids don't need much gentle reminding and it soon becomes a very natural habit.

It's a time for everyone to chat about their day or bring up any concerns etc, meal times are not a re-fuelling excercise

It is also so important later in life in a business situation, you need to be able to conduct yourself properly and bad manners will be judged.

I noticed some time ago that it's commonplace for a whole swathe of youngsters not to know how to use cutlery properly. I've stopped feeling a bit shocked about it. Adults too.

I guess it's not important any more.

Well that’s what everyone does don’t they? Why would teenagers want to stand out and be different? Of course they don’t. When you move to another country, most people want to experience a new way of life, even if you keep your traditions at home. So when the schools serve cheesy macaroni and ice cream for dessert, you think Nigerians would rather eat with their fingers? What world are you living in?
we have been to countries which required me to wear a head scarf? How dare I have to fit in with their customs? You really don’t have a clue.

You can fit into their customs if you like. The point is about judging those who don’t.

people end up in this country for all sorts of reasons. Judging them on something so frankly pathetic is really uncomfortable imo.

If you don’t fit into their customs, punishments can be severe. You don’t have a choice if you value your life and saying ‘ we shouldn’t fit into your norms’ won’t cut it.
Have you lived in Nigeria or indeed any other country?