Do people still teach children basic table manners at home?

[Lolabear38]

I grew up in a house where table manners were explicitly taught from very young age. Nothing drastic, the main ones were nobody starts eating until everybody’s sitting at the table, nobody leaves the table until everybody’s finished, you put your knife and fork neatly on your plate when you’re done, no singing at the table etc. My partner on the other hand grew up in a house where none of these were enforced and as such he doesn’t do any of these. He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things. Now that we have children I think it’s important that they learn good table manners and I’ve spoken to my partner about this and he just doesn’t see it’s important. He claims that nobody he knows focuses on table manners anymore?! Is he right?! What do you do in your homes?

What relevance does that have? There are no punishments in the uk for non compliance of table manners, so irrelevant.

Eating together at the dining table is absolutely lovely.

It's something we did as a family growing up and it's something I did daily with my own family when they were growing up.

However, no-one was banned from leaving the table when they'd finished their food, until they were told they could leave.

Thank goodness.

Yes, we are massive on this.

No singing at the table 😂😂😂

I don’t teach them things I don’t do myself. So yes using knife and fork properly, lay them down neatly after finishing, take your plate back etc. We don’t all start together, usually it’s a conveyor belt so kids eat first then we do, we can absolutely sing, chat, whatever at the table, I also don’t really care if someone gets up to leave when I’m not done - in fact I rather not have people staring at me eating. My grandparents used to say no elbows on the table but that too, is too far for me.

I haven’t got an issue with people having their own way they eat dinner, but I would not wish to be judged for how I eat dinner, just as much as I wouldn’t judge those that dine like the royals.

just as much as I wouldn’t judge those that dine like the royals.

How do you know how the royals dine? What do you think they do that you'd be judging them for?

You’re being deliberately obtuse.

I would not judge if you wanted to eat like William Hanson.

I have no idea what you are talking about.
I have no idea who William Hanson is or how he eats or what point you are trying to make by saying you wouldn't judge me if I wanted to eat like him, or like the royals, however they eat.

Hardly anyone dies round here. We've had about 30 kids over for dinner, only less than a handful ate nicely. Just on Monday a little boy was round (6) and ate his sweetcorn by grabbing a fistful and shoving it in his mouth. Picked up his fish fingers and ate them in two bites. Open mouthed.

My daughter looked on really confused.

Not sure I could ever have predicted that the phrase ‘Eurocentric colonial attitude’ would make it into a thread where I asked if people taught/ enforced table manners at home 😂

Mumsnet never fails! This is a pretty niche segue you’re taking us on, it doesn’t apply in my circumstances here so I’ll leave you to your soap box.

The kids I notice are definitely white American children, living in a suburb of a major American city.

I consider virtue signaling really cringeworthy, just FYI. At least with mannerless children you know the parents are to blame.

That is is absolutely nothing like what I meant, and you know it. So don't go putting words in my mouth. Do I make myself clear? Don't bother to reply, I'm not going to engage any further with someone with an attitude like yours.

I find saying grace before a meal really cringeworthy, so it’s a good thing neither of us could care less what the other thinks.

And also, the Nigerians and Pakistanis I know are all extremely keen on completely integrating into American society, pushing their children to excel in school, getting into the best universities, and on to medical school (aiming for the most lucrative specialties) or law school or into finance. They are every bit as middle class as many other people I encounter, whether born in the US or somewhere else.

Yes, just like good colonials. I’m sure they’ll make sure their children fit in with yours so you respect them. Good old parents.

Just come back from PGL with 60 Year 6s.

About 40-50% were regularly...

eating with hands - fish and chips? pasta bolognaise?

sticking a fork into a whole sausage and biting bits off it

eating a whole slice of toast rather than cutting it in two

eating with mouths wide open

rolling up a slice of pizza and cramming the whole thing into their mouths.

It was also very interesting to see the 6 Chinese children (recent arrivals) eating much slower than the rest.

Most of this is agree with but… cutting toast in half? Whats that got to do with table manners?

We were on holiday recently when a woman came over to say what wonderful table manners my 15 year old had, if she hadn’t been American it would have meant a lot more

But the whole point of table manners is to make them automatic, so they don't have to think about them in special occasions, like a work meal or meeting a girlfriend/ boyfriend's family!

Going for a special meal, where you are nervous, and having to think of cutlery on top of that is exactly what you don't want to happen! At least that's what my dad told me my whole life, and that's what I tell my kids.