Do people still teach children basic table manners at home?

[Lolabear38]

I grew up in a house where table manners were explicitly taught from very young age. Nothing drastic, the main ones were nobody starts eating until everybody’s sitting at the table, nobody leaves the table until everybody’s finished, you put your knife and fork neatly on your plate when you’re done, no singing at the table etc. My partner on the other hand grew up in a house where none of these were enforced and as such he doesn’t do any of these. He’ll start eating the second he sits down, leaves the table and walks away the second he’s done (taking his plate with him), licks his knife and a couple of other things. Now that we have children I think it’s important that they learn good table manners and I’ve spoken to my partner about this and he just doesn’t see it’s important. He claims that nobody he knows focuses on table manners anymore?! Is he right?! What do you do in your homes?

My BF has horrific table manners and i constantly incensed by his talking with his mouth full and other heinous travesties… too bad I adore him and that he is my soulmate. Of course, I am perfect myself ;-)

I’m by no means perfect (though I do try!) but at least I have good manners, table or otherwise. Honestly, being polite, that would turn me off a partner tbh, bad table manners. Love is indeed blind.

I once had a boyfriend years ago (very posh, ex public boarding schoolboy Times journalist) who took me out to posh restaurants in London but smoked whilst I ate. In my face. I politely asked him not to do so and he wasn’t happy. Still did it. Manners were perfect otherwise. We still went out on dates for a while. He’s now stopped smoking many years later as he had an almost fatal heart attack this year and has a toddler son he had late in life.

Yes, and we were also taught at school. How to hold a knife and fork, to ask for things to be passed to you, to offer to pour water for someone, don't lean over people, no double dipping. I'm nearly 60 though.

One of my friends works for a company who take in graduates every year. These are people who have done well in Uni and obtained high level degrees.
Out of the annual intake of 35 to 40 graduates there will be at least 10 or 12 who basically have no table manners - he has to have very direct conversations about closing mouths when chewing food, not slurping soup, tea or coffee, not talking while eating, not picking up food that is better eaten with cutlery and not using match sticks as toothpicks while still at the table with other people.
He is withered with it!

Of course table manners are important. You are already one step ahead as so many people eat on the sofa nowadays.

I have taught my children proper table manners and they are now second nature. My DH did not reach his children proper table manners, they are now 12 and 9 and have quite appalling table manners (don't cut up food just stab the fork in and lift the entire thing to their mouths, use fingers to eat, wolf food down, hang over their plates and shovel food in, elbows on the table, smack their lips, start eating straight away and complain at having to wait). I had to say something in the end and am gently trying to persude them while DH manages the situation.

We are hot on table manner, taught from a young age but our children still eat like they are feral. We remind and correct every day....every meal but it still happens.

Yes, parents still teach basic table manners.

nobody leaves the table until everybody’s finished

I don't like this control freakery though ^^

As a child I was a very very slow eater and as an adult, I'm not much faster no matter how I try.

I'd hate to be the one holding everyone else up and I'd feel 'under the spotlight'.

We model and remind at the nursery I work at. I think it’s important.

Also as an adult I cannot bear being held hostage at the table by the slowest eater,

Nice.

I was the slowest eater in my family, partly because I don't shovel my food like some did.

So I was nearly always left sitting at the table on my own because everyone else had finished and buggered off. I'm talking about times when we got together for a family meal as adults, not children.

Table manners are absolutely essential. I have a cousin (in his 60’s ) who licks his knife every other mouthful. I have to avoid looking at him when we eat together. I hope one day he slices his tongue. That’ll teach him!

It’s a sobering thought that the child who isn’t taught basic table manners may do well in life enough to attend high society or royal banquets. Who knows? Not having table manners might embarrass him/her and those sitting with them.

Table manners have evolved over the centuries to be accepted as a “method” of eating so as not to upset or embarrass others.

Manners are courteous response to mealtime gatherings for the sensitivities and comfort of others. It bothers me that this courtesy is, like so much in today’s world, not being recognised and kept up.

We teach table manners, but also relax them a bit when it is just our core family.

The kids absolutely know to wait until everyone is seated before serving and to wait until everyone is served before eating. They know that we should wait until everyone has finished eating before leaving the table.

In reality, family dinners are less formal and I am very happy for DH/kids to start serving while I’m bringing last bits from the kitchen. I am happy for them to start eating while I am serving myself (usually last). When they’ve finished, they thank me/DH for the meal, clear their plates to the dishwasher pile, and the are free to go. We have small children who eat a lot slower, and I don’t make the teens sit and wait because they’d put pressure on the smalls to finish quickly.

At big family meals we go half way. The kids have to stay at the table until all of the kids have finished eating, and then they’re excused. Which gives the grown ups more time to enjoy eating/drinking/chatting.

I would be embarrassed (and surprised) if they didn’t show proper table manners in a public place or as a guest, because they know what they should be doing!

I'm the same as you but I prefer everyone to just go about their business.

I don't want to be holding people up and putting pressure on myself to eat faster than my body wants me to.

Isn't this just a delightful who is the the most perfect parent thread!! My home is relaxed and happy, not regimented along with certain nights sitting at the table for more special meals, cutlery for starters and napkins etc. Couldn't care less if I had children that wanted to eat their dinner on a tray watching TV most nights. That's how I grew up and my table manners are not lacking

I think you need to have a chat with your partner! Licking knives, iieeewww. Does he behave like that in restaurants as well?!?

We definitely watch table manners in our house, and I do think that it is still being noticed, yes. What if you go for dinner with work, clients etc?!? So many situations come to mind

I think that table manners are about making eating a social occasion and a pleasant experience for everyone.

I’ve been in school dining halls where children use knives and forks appropriately, ask for something to be passed to them, cut up their food and eat with their mouths closed. I’ve also been in school dining halls where children stab at food and eat round it without cutting it up, where they use their fingers rather than utensils, where they lay across the table and where they have no idea how to use a knife and fork to cut up food.

I think a lot of families see meal times as a social time, chatting about the day and listening to each other. Even now, when it is just the two of us at home, we sit down to eat at the table together.
If we have a take away we have a TV dinner, but that’s never more than once a week.

Not at all - it’s a discussion on who does what at their own respective houses. Your reaction here is a lot more a reflection of you than other people being ‘perfect parents’. How odd.

My own home is also relaxed and happy, not regimented and disciplinarian. I just happen to teach table manners at the same time 🤷🏻‍♀️

You call it control freakery, I call it being polite. While we’re waiting for whoever is still eating to finish, I chat to my kids about their day, my own day, sometimes we play games like Would you Rather or word association etc. Just regular conversation. I could understand the last person feeling uncomfortable if we were all sitting there staring at them and waiting for them to finish, but it’s not like that! If I was the last person eating and everyone upped and left the table I’d be a bit peeved, to be honest, but that’s just me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, our meal times aren’t all perfect and rosy! But it’s not anything to do with whether I’m modelling/ teaching good table manners or not.

You're literally controlling whether they can leave the table or not when they've finished eating.

Of course it's control freakery.

And imo, archaic and unnecessary.

This is how I see meal times too. Often, it’s the only time of the day where we’re all together without interruptions from work, friends, sports practice, homework, TV etc. It’s important to me that we spend time together like this and I use it as time to model and teach the kids good table manners too.

I work in a nursery and would say about 3 in 10 children live in homes with dining tables and very rarely do they share a meal time with parents.

I wasn't taught table manners when I was a child, but I also had no problem picking them up as an adult because the ones that make sense are very easy.

No elbows on the table and using specific hand for knife and fork - dumb and archaic.
Chat during the meal and no phones - easy, courteous and social.
Please, thank you and no being rude about the food - polite.

Ok cool - I’d assume that’s why you don’t do it then. I do - for the reasons I outlined above. Nothing wrong with either way.

Table manners really do set kids up for adulthood. I'm sure we all know people who we don't like to eat with - I certainly do.

For me, the absolute basics are
Wait for everyone to be served before you begin
No overfilling your mouth
No speaking with food in your mouth
No holding your knife like a pen or your spoon from the top ( like Gregg Wallace always did)
Engage in conversation - no screens
Leave your cutlery tidy at the end of the meal

Here endeth the lesson