Would you delay a family holiday to provide childcare for siblings?

[TooHotForAnything]

We are going on holiday in early July. Our children break up on a Thursday and we plan to leave for our holiday on the Friday afternoon. It’s in the UK and we’re driving so no flights to catch.

My sister is stuck for childcare on the Friday and Saturday for work and for Saturday evening for a work event and can’t book annual leave. She has asked if we can have her children all day Friday til Sunday morning as the work event will go on late. Usually her children go to her MILs on Fridays and any weekends that she needs, but they can’t have them on those days. Her husband works away for months at a time so isn’t available. We do look after her children sometimes and my sister spends a lot of time here with us with her children.

I have said we can’t have them this time as we are going away on Friday afternoon. It gets more complicated as we are going away to our holiday home, so we could in her eyes, delay leaving until Sunday, which is what she has suggested. We have made plans though, we’ve booked restaurants and days out, and being honest, we can’t wait to get away.

She also suggested that we could take her kids with us and she would come to us on Sunday, stay for a night or two and then take them home as she can book some annual leave then. 🫠 We don’t want that though, we are all looking forward to getting away from everyone and everything. My children are teenagers and my sisters children are 3 and 5 so need lots of looking after.

I don’t feel that this is my problem but she is trying to make me feel guilty.

Would you delay your holiday, take them with you (definitely not even slightly considering that) or just say no like we have?

At a push Id have gone later on the Friday to help but not all weekend.

Its your family holiday and with you having teens it can be hard to organise everyone being free at the same time.

No, I wouldn’t delay the holiday. You have limited holiday time - having to give it up is a big ask.

It’s not sustainable IMO to have a husband that is away for months on end, and have a job that is at weekends ie outside of conventional nursery times.

No I wouldn’t delay my holiday. What work event is it anyway?

It sounds like in general you're happy to help but on this occasion you can't. Your sister needs to form a backup system anyway, as what about the next time this comes up? She needs more avenues than just family if her husband is away so much.

No I wouldn’t. She has lots of time to sort childcare for the two days and she can skip the evening work event.

Id have them and they can sleep at her house Saturday so you can leave early on Sunday. On tge upside tge traffic will be much lighter.

Well she'll have to get a babysitter then, which is what people do when they don't have family nearby.

The evening event sounds purely social and I bet she just wants to go more than has to go. I certainly would not take the kids either, she is asking too much.

It’s an industry awards event, lots of networking opportunities. She doesn’t really like them but it’s expected that she attends.

Unless, you can everyone in your family can return a couple of days later, so you have your full break, then 'no'. This is not your problem.

As regards them coming with you then again a ' no'. You want some family time, especially as teenagers are growing up, and you don't spend so much time together any more.

Absolutely not, holiday is planned in advance and a lot of things had to be discussed and coordinated in order to plan it. Helping siblings out is fine but not at the cost of my own long anticipated plans.

It is really kind that you help your sister out - but it is not reasonable of her to expect you to delay your holiday. I can’t imagine your children will be ok with the idea as they’ll be keen to go to away. The first poster nailed it really!
Your sister’s suggestion that you take her children with you is almost unbelievable- given the difference in the ages of the children.
I also think that if you cave on this, it will be even harder to ever say no to anything again.
If you had flights, then there’d be no option and she would have to sort something else. It also feels like she hadn’t given you much notice- so is she taking advantage and not exploring other options?

No.

She can sort herself out. There are lots of alternative options available but she will have to pay.

She's looking to fleece you and ruin time with your family so she doesn't have to cough up. That's not ok.

Delaying your holiday will cost you money and precious family time with teens. Those teens will not be around for long and they will resent their cousins ruining their holiday.

It's not ok for her to expect this.

She's cheeky as fuck!

She should pay for a nanny

She needs to find a babysitter

In an emergency, for an operation or hospital stay etc I would drop everything, but why are the demands of her work more important than your family and your holiday? Either her employer needs to be more understanding or she needs paid help with the kids

No I wouldn’t postpone my holiday and I’d be cross that she’d even asked. Completely unreasonable.
It sounds like you are her default childcare and she’s gotten used to you being constantly available and expects it now.

No, she should get a temporary nanny

I agree with this post.

@TooHotForAnything your sister has that dynamic you see so often on here, the person who gives the man in her life zero responsibility to be a parent but the women around her are held up to unrelenting standards.

It is so common as to be ubiquitous and it is such a destructive trait.

A holiday is a holiday. Just because you don't have a flight to catch doesn't mean it's not important.
Her childcare is not your problem and she's unbelievably rude.

Absolutely bloody not! Your sister is really out of order even asking this!!

She will have to pay an agency nanny to mind her children. Or get her bloody ‘always away’ husband to come home for the weekend!

Don’t feel an ounce of guilt OP and enjoy your holiday.

Absolutely not. She knew her husband would be away - why can't she pay for childcare, like a normal person?

… you’ve made some leaps there.

The ‘unrelenting standard’ someone is being held to here, is the sister being asked to delay her family holiday to provide childcare for her sister.

If one of you works away, the person who is at home has to have work which can work around that. I know a few couples where one works offshore for weeks at a time - it’s incredibly hard on the partner who is at home.

But - that does not then mean it’s the family’s responsibility to pick up the slack, if she’s working non-conventional hours.

What do you propose - the responses should say the dad should fly back immediately to cover? As that is probably not possible is it. For all we know he’s working this way because they need the money - as is the case for all the couples I know who do this.

The most i would do is offer to have them on the Friday and then leave that evening instead.

Has her usual childcare (the mil?) fallen through unexpectedly? Or has she had a long time to plan for this and just hasn't? That would definitely affect my decision!