Would you delay a family holiday to provide childcare for siblings?

[TooHotForAnything]

We are going on holiday in early July. Our children break up on a Thursday and we plan to leave for our holiday on the Friday afternoon. It’s in the UK and we’re driving so no flights to catch.

My sister is stuck for childcare on the Friday and Saturday for work and for Saturday evening for a work event and can’t book annual leave. She has asked if we can have her children all day Friday til Sunday morning as the work event will go on late. Usually her children go to her MILs on Fridays and any weekends that she needs, but they can’t have them on those days. Her husband works away for months at a time so isn’t available. We do look after her children sometimes and my sister spends a lot of time here with us with her children.

I have said we can’t have them this time as we are going away on Friday afternoon. It gets more complicated as we are going away to our holiday home, so we could in her eyes, delay leaving until Sunday, which is what she has suggested. We have made plans though, we’ve booked restaurants and days out, and being honest, we can’t wait to get away.

She also suggested that we could take her kids with us and she would come to us on Sunday, stay for a night or two and then take them home as she can book some annual leave then. 🫠 We don’t want that though, we are all looking forward to getting away from everyone and everything. My children are teenagers and my sisters children are 3 and 5 so need lots of looking after.

I don’t feel that this is my problem but she is trying to make me feel guilty.

Would you delay your holiday, take them with you (definitely not even slightly considering that) or just say no like we have?

The other thing is - imagine this from the OP’s DH’s point of view. Can you imagine if it came the other way round? Eg - “My BIL can’t get childcare and my DH is thinking about delaying our holiday so that he can look after his nieces and nephews. Our DC and we will have to cancel plans etc etc”. Everyone would be leaping in with “you have a DH problem”/“he should put your own DC first” etc. Why is this different? The family has arranged to go on holiday and presumably the OP’s DH has had to book leave etc. One thing in a genuine emergency (ie someone in hospital), but not for childcare or to attend a dinner where the sister is “expected”. The DH and DC are expecting to go on holiday; why does the sister’s work diary trump that?

god, people are VILE!!!

What's more beautiful is the piss taking sister sorting something out re baby sitting and letting her hard working sister enjoying her holiday with guilt tripping her 🤦‍♂️

I’m pretty sure hocus pocus was being sarcastic with her first what’s more beautiful post!

I think you've had too much sun

I would want to help my sister, because I love her and she is a single parent.

In this case I’d cover the Friday but not the Saturday night.

I think it depends how many times she has been ‘helped out!’

My sister would guilt trip every time and me and my brother (no kids at time) would cave. We both worked full time and somehow end up with DN all day Sunday when her DH worked away - 4
weeks on/off.

I actually think it would be very kind to bring her children with you. I hate when parents "train" teenagers and young adults to dislike their younger cousins on the basis of having nothing in common. A lot can be gained on both sides from these types of age gap family dynamics. It us actually the right thing to do despite the typical responses you see on here.

Then the sister had better call agencies asap

It's not 'training teenagers' - OP has said they spend a fair amount of time with her DSis's kids. The teens already have their own plans with friends at the holiday house location. And those friends may be in school Mon-Fri of the following week, given OP is likely going first or second weekend of July, before state schools break up.

Unless nursery is shut on Friday she should be able to book in for an extra day. It is generally the easiest day to get extra at nursery.

This is plus not suggesting skipping the evening event is what made me think the sister was cheeky

It's a big ask to look after little kids and she hasn't even tried to minimise the ask

Have you had a conversation with your sister now? How did it go?