Would you delay a family holiday to provide childcare for siblings?

[TooHotForAnything]

We are going on holiday in early July. Our children break up on a Thursday and we plan to leave for our holiday on the Friday afternoon. It’s in the UK and we’re driving so no flights to catch.

My sister is stuck for childcare on the Friday and Saturday for work and for Saturday evening for a work event and can’t book annual leave. She has asked if we can have her children all day Friday til Sunday morning as the work event will go on late. Usually her children go to her MILs on Fridays and any weekends that she needs, but they can’t have them on those days. Her husband works away for months at a time so isn’t available. We do look after her children sometimes and my sister spends a lot of time here with us with her children.

I have said we can’t have them this time as we are going away on Friday afternoon. It gets more complicated as we are going away to our holiday home, so we could in her eyes, delay leaving until Sunday, which is what she has suggested. We have made plans though, we’ve booked restaurants and days out, and being honest, we can’t wait to get away.

She also suggested that we could take her kids with us and she would come to us on Sunday, stay for a night or two and then take them home as she can book some annual leave then. 🫠 We don’t want that though, we are all looking forward to getting away from everyone and everything. My children are teenagers and my sisters children are 3 and 5 so need lots of looking after.

I don’t feel that this is my problem but she is trying to make me feel guilty.

Would you delay your holiday, take them with you (definitely not even slightly considering that) or just say no like we have?

You haven’t said how long you’re away for but have implied it’s a few weeks.

Not sure where this was implied but might have missed it.

No, but there are plenty of childcare options she can pay for.

Does she ever reciprocate? I expect mostly not. Them I would be a little blunt and tell her that you are sorry it is happening in that way but I'm the end you also have a life with priorities and commitments and booked holiday with your children is one of them. Expecting you to change your plans solely because "her children don't do well with me faces" is cheeky. Her work do has likely been planned for months, she should have introduced a new babysitter looking before that. Putting that kind of pressure on you is not fair. Go enjoy your holiday, you deserve it!

Agree with posters who say the problem is with the unreasonable request, not how OP responds to it.

Some red flags here...

"She prefers not to leave the children with babysitters..." who does?? Sorry to state the bleedin' obvious, but that's the guilt/pain/risk we have to live with as working mothers.

"Her oldest child has some additional needs and can be very unsettled and anxious with people he doesn’t know well. He’s absolutely fine with us." Well that's convenient! When it would be to everyone's benefit, most of all the child's, for your sister to try very hard to help him get used to being with people he doesn't know that well. Especially in a situation where she's working and DH is away for months at a time.

She has a good support network and I'm sure she appreciates that, but she's veering into cf territory....relying on you to fill any gaps in her arrangements with no thought for your family's wellbeing.

Her work do has likely been planned for months, she should have introduced a new babysitter looking before that.

In fairness to DSis, had it not been for MIL's operation and building work both moving dates, she would have had cover.

what????? I mean reallly??? miss out on annual leave????

Glad you have decided this. Afraid your DSis will simply have to tell her employer that she is not available due to family commitments and lack of childcare. And suck it up like other families do.

Under no circumstances should your family be making sacrifices for her work related issues - your children and DH have plans. And going forward she needs to review her working hours as this was always likely to happen eventually, wasn’t it?

Sister or not I think she’s got a bloody cheek even asking. She is perfectly aware she’s put you in a difficult situation.

Exactly! It seems like the sister wants to force everyone else to change their plans so that she doesn’t have to suffer a morsel of inconvenience herself!

Just say no.

I would help her out. It is the right thing to do with family.

I'm surprised at the number of people that wouldn't help a sister in these circumstances, Very selfish in my book.

The thing is that they’ve made the decision for financial reasons, that he isn’t home 3 months of the year. Childcare needs to be sorted for this set up.

I wouldn’t feel bad. It’s a holiday. You e booked it

No...do it once and before you know it she'll suddenly need you to "babysit" every time you are due to go away...free few days away for her DC and her when she comes to collect them.

FFS a typical MN “let them eat cake” comment

What is more beautiful in life than to have the privilege to have such a wonderful family and siblings and get to look after their children without considering childcare but a super fun days with favourite auntie!

What is more beautiful in life than to have the privilege to have such a wonderful family and siblings and get to look after their children without considering childcare but a super fun days with favourite auntie!

Suggest you actually read the thread before you start accusing others of being financially insensitive. cost isn’t the issue here.

“Preferring not to use babysitters” isn’t enough of a reason not to do it. After all, if they used childcare enough, they’d have a regular person the kids were comfortable with, wouldn’t they.

She has until
July to sort it / hire some
help

dont worry

The OP mentioned early July - I would assume they are going either next Friday (3rd) or the one after.

Who organises an industry awards event in July?

bad planning

worst case scenario, she doesn’t attend the event

you carry on with your plans

the granny having work done on her house can have the kids

No schools break up next week

private schools have 2 more weeks

My industry has an awards event in July (not on a Saturday, though) 🤷‍♀️

MIL is recovering from an operation as well as the building works. She’s said no, just as she’s entitled to do, just as OP and her DBro are entitled to do.

The private school mine attends finishes on Wed 8. As OP says early July, I assume hers are at private school.

There’s no one date on which private schools finish.

Are you the sister? Why is it a privilege for someone else to look after your kids for free? And change their own plans to do it?

What is more beautiful?

What about going on a much anticipated holiday with your husband and kids as planned?