Adorable child didn't say please once.

[Kingfisherfly]

I was out with a group yesterday. All adults I know by varying degrees, except for the 8yo of one couple who had her much later in life than the rest of us. Were all in our 50s/60s.

I've seen this child around but never really talked to her before. She's often at "adult" events and is generally smiley and well behaves, occupies herself with an ipad or talks to the adults.

During the course of the afternoon she was often asked would you like drink/ice cream/food and she'd answer the question politely enough, except she never said please. What would you like to drink...J2O.

For me the please is just a reflex and I had to bite my tongue not to add it for her! Do modern parents not do that? Even when speaking to her paremts she wasn't reminded. Her parents did largely leave her to it but she was a credit to them apart from that one thing, that really stood out in it's absence for me.

Her parents aren't really modern if they're in their 50s?

This is true but they do seem to have embraced gentle parenting. They're doing things very differently to "we" did.

Did she say thank you?

So 99% polite and quiet but just not saying please there was enough to inspire this thread? Of course one child of one set of parents isn't indicative of all parenting, I encourage my 3 yr old to say please and thank you but children naturally say please when they're asking rather than being asked. Poor kid, cant have been fun at table with all older adults and behaved beautifully by the sound of it.

WTF?! Modern isn’t age related it’s to do with whether you embrace today’s practices or not.

was there also an elephant aiding and abetting her in her pursuit of snacks?

You’re not actually acting if this is modern parenting. You can’t be that daft to assume that the one family you’ve seen is representative of modern parenting. You just wanted to have a moan about this one family and let us all know how you’re a superior parent.

are they english?
its a very cultural thing

Why did you stop yourself correcting her? I would've corrected her whether her parents were there or not.

children naturally say please when they're asking rather than being asked

Do they? Please and thank you were drummed into me. I can't imagine being asked what I would like to drink by someone I barely know and just saying 'Lemonade'. 'Please may I have a lemonade?' has probably gone west, but even 'Can I get a lemonade, please?' or at a pinch 'Can I get a lemonade?' with a winning smile would all be more polite.

You read my mind 😂 ‘He never ONCE said please…’

My kids always say “thank you” after they eat a meal I make, and people who see it are usually surprised, which tells me their kids probably don’t do the same. I say “please” and “thank you” all the time myself, and that’s how I raised my children. But I also know plenty of people who don’t emphasize those habits as much.

And btw, no, I am not English.

😂 I was also wondering this!

Not necessarily. Lots of people ask about things on MN because they wonder if they've missed a change in fashion or etiquette.

I’d much rather a child behaved and asked in a pleasant tone than was badly behaved but said please because they’d learned by rote. Obviously ideally both, but this wouldn’t bother me.

I mean I really think this might be the most peak judgy thread I’ve ever seen started. You must have been extremely bored on your outing to be this outraged by an 8 year old not behaving exactly as you desire.

Where does she say she was outraged?

Yes, it took a pie from the pork butcher

@Kingfisherfly It is weird not saying please. Is she being home educated? Because if you don't get it from home politeness will be taught in school. And gentle parenting has nothing to do with this. What's not gentle about saying "Annabelle darling, you know we say please when we ask for something"

So she was beautifully behaved other than performative 'pleasing' and 'thanking'?
And you noticed and judged?

Maybe because she took it to heart so much she thought to start a thread on MN about so we can all judge discuss her 'friends' parenting too.

It doesn't sound like she demanded it in an arsey way. Poor kid probably felt very uncomfortable with a bunch of 50 year olds and didn't know what the supposed right thing to do was.
Anyway, it's none of your business, if the parent didn't nudge her to say please and thank you, therein lies your answer.
I'm 50 and my Grandaughter is 4. We look ancient to children. They're not being rude, they're just unsure and don't want to be there.

FFS. I can’t believe the people defending the child for not saying a very basic please or thank you. It’s lazy parenting if you don’t teach your children basic etiquette manners.

I think the parents are doing ok tbh.

Admittedly, I'm starting from a low bar because I would have to duct tape my children's ankles, hands and mouths for them to cause as little bother as this child apparently does in a gathering such as you describe. So they wouldn't be able to say please either.

She's not a performing seal and I presume the parents aren't holding her out to the rest of you as a paragon of well-behaved childhood but she's just there so they can come. So if she's not being an active bother, personally I think it's unreasonable to expect her to be a complete delight. It's enough (and tbh more than many parents could dream of) that she's essentially 'seen and not heard'.

I have a friend who very rarely says please but always thank you. Eg a barista will say ‘would you like syrup?’ ‘umm caramel’, then thanks them when she gets the drink. It for some reason makes me feel a bit weird, my reflex would be to say ‘yes please, caramel’. So I can totally understand why you noticed because I would too but if she was polite otherwise then not really a problem.