Have you ever been upset by something said to you on MN?

[grizy]

I’m a frequent name changer but I’ve been around for a few years. I deleted an earlier account after I somehow provoked a pile-on when I started a tongue-in-cheek thread about ketchup on roast dinners (of all things). Some of the comments were beyond brutal - I could laugh some of them off but others were really below the belt. Over ketchup!! 😂

In the end, I decided I was too thin skinned for the rigours of MN and I took a break until I decided to dip my toe back in MN waters again. I’m much more cautious now and tend to not start threads but I’m curious as to whether anyone else has felt upset at comments a stranger has posted at them online? Are you able to shrug it off or do you take it a bit more personally? This isn’t meant to be ‘oh, isn’t MN a horrible place’ discussion (I don’t think it is) but just me wondering if others get upset if you’re on the receiving end of spiky comments or if you’re able to just quickly dismiss it?

Do you mean Babycentre? Because I was on it years ago and it really was brutal!

No it was babyworld, I have been on baby centre once though and they were all being so nasty to each other I never went back on there

Twice I’ve looked for mental health advice for my children - clearly in a quandary - and both times been piled on to the point I had to leave the thread.

Both under throwaway names but it’s fucking awful. I’m a highly competent and confident woman and I just find the general tone of mistrust and suspicion and point scoring really too much when there’s an actual crisis I’m dealing with.

ill just ask ChatGPT or Reddit next time I guess 🤷‍♀️

Thank you! Yes he is a creep and I felt it was very opportunistic and when I thought 'you wouldn't do this if my husband was here' I meant, you are a creep and you know this is creepy.

That's me now, too. I just ask ChatGPT because its more human than some of the replies you get here.

Me, too. I have got very upset by being misrepresented over viewpoints I care very much about - you know the sort of thing. Somebody decides you really meant XYZ when you said ABC, this then takes on a life of its own and you get vilified for having this other view and for lying about it!

A couple of times, these mad disputes stalked & hounded me across boards and, once, off MN and into other channels. I was genuinely hurt and stayed away for years at a time - there's a lot to love about MN, though, so I come back.

When I see the same thing happening to someone else, I will always try and bring the discussion back on track. People are better at walking away now, though I know all too well how much that can hurt. I no longer keep arguing when the opposition clearly isn't listening. You can't reason with the irrational.

I did an AIBU last year where I really WAS being unreasonable, and I didn't realise until people explained it - then I thought hang on, I AM BU and quickly told the thread I was thinking very differently and was clearly in the wrong.

Despite that, a lot of posters piled on saying how disgusting I was etc, you can imagine. But asking AIBU and being able to see just how U I was, really was incredibly helpful as I was able to crack on with putting my wrongs right. So worth the shit show.

Then a few years back I was worried about DD18 and was told that by the time I reached her she'd probably be dead anyway so not worth being worried. Not one person pulled that poster on their comments.

Your colleague sounds incredibly creepy. He shouldn’t be touching you in anyway and he’s definitely being inappropriate. Does he do it to other staff too?

Oh gosh, you poor thing 😔
That's horrific. I lost my beloved dad last autumn. He had COPD and was an ex smoker. He actually passed away a few days after a fall, so not strictly of the COPD, but obviously related to it.
I'm passionately anti-smoking, but not anti the actual people who smoke, iyswim. Because addiction's an illness. It's the tobacco industry I blame.
My dad was 84, and he told me a few years ago that if he had his life over he'd never have smoked; but his generation simply didn't know how bad it was when he started. So, there's no way your dad at 94 would have known. My dad tried giving up so many times throughout my childhood, and he was very good about not smoking indoors in front of us. But the addiction was so strong. He finally managed to give up after his diagnosis. I've never smoked a single cigarette in my life, and that's partly because my lovely dad warned me to never do it, not even once, because it's so easy to get addicted.
I'm so sorry you had the experience of someone saying that to you at such a vulnerable time. Unbelievable that anyone could be so horrid.
You take lots of care 💐

The comments of others, here and IRL, are not something which can upset me. I might be abnormally confident, self assured, arrogant or oblivious, jury is out. What does bother me, though, is the mentality of certain posters. Cheering for surveillance state, dobbing each other in with glee, making 'hurtful' comments to others or using sarcasm and thinking they're clever. It makes me wonder if these people have family, friends or hobbies or if they're just so reclusive and bitter, or lonely, that they have to seek to be annoying online. What are these people like in real life? What if they're my creepy neighbour? That is a thought that bothers me.

I think the abuse and attitudes towards neurodivergent people is outrageous, I’m shocked the amount of ignorance and ableism that is allowed on this site.

Yes, I have been very upset in the past. I'm much more wary about what I post now and have considered leaving,
but some threads make it worthwhile. It is shocking to see how many genuinely nasty and stupid people there are.

This is vile behaviour on his part. I hope you feel able to talk to your line manager or equivalent about it. Sexual harrassment at work should be taken very seriously. 💐

OMG, me too. I'm a huge feminist. But a LOT of 'em on there are nuts. Obsessed and culty. Avoid eye contact and keep walking.

Yes I got told I was crazy and needed psychiatric help when I started a thread some years ago about my former driving instructor (who I’d just quit lessons with the week before) basically parking up outside of my house and just sitting there for well over an hour. He had absolutely no reason to be there and I don’t live on the sort of street people frequent, it isn’t in a driving test, it’s a quiet culdesac and there’s just no reason to come here. People claimed he was probably just taking a break, but outside my house of all places?! It gave me the creeps and everyone I spoke to IRL said it was indeed a creepy thing to do.

It’s very tempting to snap back or get annoyed, but I try hard to just ignore it, I’ve come to realise some posters will attack over anything, they will nit pick, twist what was written and attack, and then posters like them will hope for a pile on and jump in.

Over something really innocuous. I’m not talking about if you say something contentious or bad, I’m talking about something as silly as a style of clothing you like or a food choice, or even having a valid but different opinion

I simply think these are people I would not chose to interact with in real life. So why would I do it on line. So I don’t feed it. It’s almost always ridiculous.

im not always successful, and sometimes do engage, but I do often try not to, I see it done so many times, bitchy, catty comments,over nothing, and then others joining in, like they want to bully and the poor poster trying to defend themselves or getting angry or upset and engaging.

just don’t engage, as hard as it is.

Yes. In fact another colleague described him as 'flirty' but I don't like it and don't think holding someone's hand or asking for hugs is flirty. Standing with a group of kids isn't the time or place anyway.

No I don't, sadly, and I think that thread had a lot to do with why I haven't said anything.

I hope you do manage to speak out against him. You have done NOTHING wrong. It’s all on HIM!!

No, and I’ve had some awful things saud to me too. I’m usually bemused at how strong some people’s opinions are on someone else’s life when it’s a tiny snippet that they see. Some people hold tight to the opinions they had on your first post no matter how much further information you give them that contradicts it. I usually just leave them to it after a couple of posts, it really has no bearing on my reality.

I said kemi badenoch made a comment on Laura kuensberg. Led to some wild comments from two posters that I was a racist.
really odd replies and clearly looking for a fight. Some people are just constantly angry.

So many of the people on here take great enjoyment in proving they're right even though most of the time they can't see the difference between factual accuracy and an opinion. Heaven forbid opinions might differ. The pile on culture is awful and mods should do something about it. It's a toxic environment a lot of the time.

This week some posters took the piss out of someone's neighbour whose mum had died. When I pointed out that it was unpleasant it was demanded that I prove they'd taken the piss despite it being clear they had. I was then accused of trying to make myself look good and being a martyr for challenging the behaviour. All over behaviour that should never be allowed and wouldn't happen offline. Awful.

I understand getting upset about replies like that. I used to get upset as well but I no longer do after many years of posting on Internet forums, because I've realised that no matter what you post, there will always be someone who will twist what you said and post a nasty reply. Even the most light-hearted thread will attract unpleasant replies because some people delight in feeling offending or attacking others just for the sake of it. I actually now find most threads very predictive - I read the OP and know exactly what kind of replies it's going to get. I now find it hard to care about what people post here.

I couldn't give a flying fuck what people think of me on here or real life. I hate the mean pile ons that happen on certain topics where posters are just wanting a bit of support or advice and then on the other hand you can't always give a sensible point of view without being accused of being unreasonable or mean.

I actually created an account on here, after lurking for years, to defend someone, because I was so incensed on how they were being treated.

My conclusions are, don't be disabled, don't be a sahm, don't be a wohm, don't be a single mum, don't use an ambulance, don't go to a & e, don't claim benefits, don't use child care, don't be foreign, don't be working class, don't be middle class, don't be rich, don't be poor, don't be a person of colour, don't be white, don't be a woman, don't be a man, or anything of your choosing, don't be a dog or a cat. If you are none of the above you might just get away unscathed. Or if you were Anthony Head R.I.P.

On indiviudal threads, no, or I've not paid attention, but I was once on a thread that was like a group chat over a shared interest. On it, I made a comment about wondering about something external, and the thread took it to be an attacking comment about a specific person on the thread, which of course would have been a mean thing to do. I immediately apologised for the misunderstanding, but the pile on was rough. It was good of the thread to have her back of course, but it still smarts to have been so misunderstood. I's possible that I don't know how it is that I come across to others. It's also possible that I just caught the thread on a bad day. Sometimes threads fold in on themselves temporarily and weirdness ensues.