Have you ever been upset by something said to you on MN?

[grizy]

I’m a frequent name changer but I’ve been around for a few years. I deleted an earlier account after I somehow provoked a pile-on when I started a tongue-in-cheek thread about ketchup on roast dinners (of all things). Some of the comments were beyond brutal - I could laugh some of them off but others were really below the belt. Over ketchup!! 😂

In the end, I decided I was too thin skinned for the rigours of MN and I took a break until I decided to dip my toe back in MN waters again. I’m much more cautious now and tend to not start threads but I’m curious as to whether anyone else has felt upset at comments a stranger has posted at them online? Are you able to shrug it off or do you take it a bit more personally? This isn’t meant to be ‘oh, isn’t MN a horrible place’ discussion (I don’t think it is) but just me wondering if others get upset if you’re on the receiving end of spiky comments or if you’re able to just quickly dismiss it?

Upset? No. Not at all.

Irritated / exasperated at the inaccuracy of some people’s assertions and assumptions? Yes. But I’ve never felt in the slightest bit hurt.

Nothing anyone’s ever said to me on here has actually hit home, if that makes sense. When someone calls me lazy / common / a pervert / a man / a ‘cool wife’ / a liar / someone who who has no self-respect because I’ll happily have sex on a first date and enjoy it / mentally defective (all of which are things I’ve been called on Mumsnet) I don’t suddenly think ‘Oh god, what if they’re RIGHT?’ or anything. I just think ‘What a daft cunt. I feel sorry for anyone who has to sit next to them in the office or something’ and that’s pretty much the sum total of the attention I give them.

People can be very rude on here. Yes had people be rude to me before, sometimes insulting too.

It shouldn't happen but I learnt long ago not to let things get to you on an online forum. So it's rare that something on here will get to me.

And a lot of people seem to want to get into this back and forth argument as well on here, which I don't come here for so refuse to get drawn in

That is how I feel, and tend to just hide threads which have certain titles. I get fed up with the racism on here as well, as a lot of other things.

Not often, because I’m pretty thick skinned and don’t really care what many people think, but there have been a couple of things which got to me over the years where I’ve been upset, had to hide the thread etc.

There are certain topics on here that get people ridiculously angry and where certain segments of the population feel like it is Ok to be call people names if they happen to have the opposite opinion to them. These people typically cannot see any nuances, their whole view is 100% at one extreme end of the debate. The two main ones that come to mind are immigration and trans women.

A couple of years ago, there was a very heated thread on something to do with immigration. I made a comment which for some reason attracted a pile on of at least 6 people telling me I meant something, I’ll refer to it as X (because I can’t remember what it was). I did not mention X in my post, nor was I trying to imply X but this baying crowd all told me that I was naive and stupid etc to think X. I then wrote another post explaining that I did not mean X and explained my point in another way. They then all jumped on me
again and insisted that I was now lying and I had definitely meant X all along. I didn’t! It was an absolute vipers nest and a massive black mark on MN, IMHO. I stayed away for a few months.

i must admit I do enjoy taking part in a good controversial debate but sometimes people just go too far. A day or two ago, I took part in a trans thread. It ended up with somebody announcing that trans people like self-diagnosing themselves with various neurodivergent conditions and other illnesses, and actually they don’t have any of them, and anyway all they need to do to feel better is eat good food and exercise. There was a list of about a dozen conditions which the poster sweepingly dismissed as having “nebulous” diagnostic criteria. Coincidentally, I am formally diagnosed with a few of the conditions on the list and the diagnostic criteria are definitely not “nebulous” - quite the opposite in fact because there is no blood test or scan that you can use to positively diagnose these things, so doctors have to be very careful and find other objective measures. Anyway, I told this person, I was offended by the “nebulous” comment becuase it was both factually incorrect and those of us with these disabilities already get dismissed and not believed etc and it is draining and damaging. Personally, in her shoes, i would have apologized at that point because I prefer to be kind. But no the poster just carried on in the same vein. I try to acknowledge and accept at least part of people’s opinions at times, even when I strongly disagree. It doesn’t cost anything and it shows a level of respect and acceptance.

On a lighter note, in a thread about autism, one poster told me I understood nothing about autism. I took great pleasure in telling her that a consultant psychiatrist had diagnosed me with autism. I wasn’t upset with this one but I did think
it was very funny and it is my favourite ever MN post aimed at me.

Apparently I was sensitive and should grow up when someone I knew (and had no issues with) purposely put their head down when they saw me to avoid saying hello when we walked past. It stung a bit that they did it and apparently I should have just not cared.

Only once, on a thread about my (then) girlfriend whom I had come on to ask for some help with a specific issue. I was repeatedly accused of being a man, and her being trans (neither are true).

I was called a colonialist bitch for saying that I though Scottish people should be able to decide for themselves whether they want independence, which confused me.

I have a disabled child and some of the comments can be awful and upsetting.

My very first thread was on AIBU - I had no idea!
Had to beg the moderators to delete it as I couldn’t stomach the replies. 😂

Yes absolutely agree with you. Honestly couldn't care less. You have to be very careful also on this forum about expressing any happiness or satisfaction with your life because the really bitter ones HATE it.

Someone told me to go fuck myself earlier this week. The comment was deleted but it wasn’t great. I was also told I am attention seeking arsehole because I (respectfully) disagreed with the majority on the thread. The comments didn’t upset me as such but I knew there was no point answering back.

Got told I'm mental and should get in the bin, that my husband should leave me, and I should be "over it by now" because I was triggered by something that reminded me of being sexually assaulted twenty years ago.

One poster drove me to calling them a cunt. I de registered after that. Less because I was upset by their words but more that I had become someone that calls someone a cunt online. I didn't want to be part of something that made me that kind of person.

I rejoined many years later and post a lot less than I use to. I've been around on MN for 21 years posting styles have changes a lot. There are some awful people on here BUT there are also some wonderfully intelligent, knowledgeable and wise women on here and that's a great thing.

yeah one time I had let slip which Country dh was from and someone made a racist comment. In fact if I’m ever upset by anything on here it’s the racism- which definitely seems to have got worse the last couple of years.

I’m not personally upset, but I do get upset/frustrated by the increasingly right wing and misogynist tone of the whole site. Very depressing.

I have felt upset about some people’s views particularly on threads about benefits- it’s not personal to me but just amazing how harsh some people’s views are
I do wonder if they really hold these views or if they are just winding people up
Would they express these views in real life I wonder

Never been upset, though baffled by some pretty random insults!

I actually quite like being called a cool wife - it's always been my goal 😎

Yes, this.

I've been called a cool wife on here too. I don't know why it's supposed to be an insult😅🤣

Not upset but often frustrated. A trend I increasingly notice is people putting words in others' mouths.
Poster: I like cheese
Idiot: Oh so you think people with dairy allergies should stay home all their lives???

And increasingly sad about what @curlewkate describes.

It can throw you. I started a thread recently knowing that my parenting would be attacked (my two year old had a small tantrum) so I waited a few days before posting for opinions, making sure I was feeling OK in myself and able to dismiss idiotic statements as idiotic. But it does happen on threads where you’re not expecting it as well.

I wish MN would be a bit more proactive - I get there can be a fine line between free speech and heckling / bullying behaviour though.

I didn't go home and sob. It just stung a bit and I was going to do was say hello to her and then go about my business.

I asked MN this and got told "everyone does this. I do this. She owed you nothing, get over it."

I once posted asking whether a dress was suitable to wear to an event. I attached a photograph. A lot of the comments were about my hair (and were negative) and ignored the dress.

I remember being called “disingenuous” by Bluntness but that was quite tame.

I got upset once when a poster whose name I recognised as someone who spoke a lot of sense aimed a very abrasive response at me over something fairly trivial .... along the lines of "you clearly know nothing about dogs, why not educate yourself?"
It was the first time I wanted to block someone and it still smarts when I see them posting on other topics.

And the nasty posts about disability and benefits upset me though they are aimed at others.