Have you ever been upset by something said to you on MN?

[grizy]

I’m a frequent name changer but I’ve been around for a few years. I deleted an earlier account after I somehow provoked a pile-on when I started a tongue-in-cheek thread about ketchup on roast dinners (of all things). Some of the comments were beyond brutal - I could laugh some of them off but others were really below the belt. Over ketchup!! 😂

In the end, I decided I was too thin skinned for the rigours of MN and I took a break until I decided to dip my toe back in MN waters again. I’m much more cautious now and tend to not start threads but I’m curious as to whether anyone else has felt upset at comments a stranger has posted at them online? Are you able to shrug it off or do you take it a bit more personally? This isn’t meant to be ‘oh, isn’t MN a horrible place’ discussion (I don’t think it is) but just me wondering if others get upset if you’re on the receiving end of spiky comments or if you’re able to just quickly dismiss it?

I don't tend to post anything controversial and I'm not particularly argumentative, but I've still had a couple of unpleasant comments aimed at me over the years. I'm fairly thick skinned on here though, and I don't let things get to me. I reckon nasty comments say more about the person making them than they do about me so I just ignore them and refuse to engage further. Without a doubt it's got nastier on here in the fifteen years or so I've been around. Some people are just spoiling for a fight and don't care how much offence they cause.

Why are we all nasty to each other?

I deregistered from a previous account and took a break due to the behaviour of two posters who were egging each other on with nasty replies to a thread I started and it did upset me at the time. Now I don't give a fuck and I just stop reading/replying to a thread if people are being arseholes on it, I won't waste my time arguing with stupid anymore.

That's actually vile. POS to them.

I get more upset by pile-ons rather than anything personal, especially when the tone can be so unkind.

Examples being threads on migrants and the pile ons of hang-em-and-flog-em and threads on community-mindedness which tend to attract mostly responses of 'screw everyone else, just look out for you and your own'. Oh and reporting people close for criminal activity is apparently evil too (unless it's a husband because they are all abusive) because we're all just looking out for ourselves.

Makes me realize my values are way out of kilter with most people these days and I pretty much don't recognize this country any more. Not in a Reform let's go back to the 1950s kinda way. In a kid of the 90s, I'm sure we were nicer to each other once way.

I've not been upset about anything said to me but I am fucking sick and tired of the pile-ons and the general lack of reading comprehension from the posters who start the pile-ons.

And then there are posters who obviously like having a good dig at the OP who is just looking for advice on what is a very sensitive topic.

Drives me up the fucking wall!!!

I now stay out of the SEN forums despite having a job related to SEN and 2 SEN kids because there are a few people who alllwaaayyyys pile on to say everyone else is wrong and doesn't understand xyz. It's exhausting. And there is always an OP who has asked a perfectly normal question like how one gets an EHCP and any attempt to help them by answering with some basic know-how gets shot down.

Yes. My cousin used to be on here a few years ago but we didn’t acknowledge each other. No idea if they spotted me but in one thread they referred to me and another relative as ‘failed adults’. That did sting because they knew me in RL and I flounced for a few months (nobody noticed).

I have definitely hurt a few people by posting when upset which I try not to do. I also sometimes deliberately answer threads that I think are going to go pear shaped because the first answer can make a difference. But am definitely more likely to back away or hide threads these days, especially the racist ones.

Yes, a few times.
I can handle name calling as it is just puerile nonsense... but some people get very personal (benefit/disability threads are the worse). Those threads tend to draw out the worst people on here. I have seen a lot of shocking comments aimed at disabled people, yet MN let them stand.

This happened to me earlier this week. Most was due to one poster just writing bare faced lies about what I'd put. I ended up reporting some of their posts and they were removed. The day after another poster decided to target me because they'd read some of posters lies. They actually wrote that they were targetting me!

People are so strange.

(I've nc since this)

I was accused of being racist a few years ago which I'm really not. It stung at the time,but I managed to shrug it off because I thought they really don't know me,if they did,they would not accuse me of being racist.

I just got a feeling of sheer terror from picturing my mum’s expression if anyone had asked her for ketchup for a roast dinner, @grizy! We weren’t even allowed gravy - “Why should I slave over a hot stove to produce a meal if people are going to pour gloop all over it that makes it all taste the same?!” Apple sauce for pork, mustard for beef, bread sauce for chicken or turkey, and parsley sauce for boiled gammon.

To answer your question, yes, I have been upset by things said to me on here, but I tend to hide the thread because I know that, thanks to old age related memory issues, and long covid related brain fog, I will forget about it completely within a day or so!

I hope I haven’t upset anyone in my posts - I do generally try to be reasonable - but if I have upset anyone, I apologise unreservedly.

Any thread to do with dogs outside of the Doghouse board tend to go nasty fast. It is ridiculous.
Like you, I wish we could block people on here.

I got called a wanker, scum, unimaginative, shit mum who puts no thought or effort into her children, basically almost 3 entire pages of abuse, for naming my little boy Sonny. The opinion on here hasn’t have seemed to change on that name which IS A REAL FUCKING NAME 🤯🤯🤣🤣 I actually cringe and scroll past quickly when I see the title of threads mentioning calling their child sonny. I still don’t get it 🫠

Honestly no.

you are all strangers on the internet. Some of you are nice and some of you are nutters.

it’s a waste of energy getting upset over anything

People can be vipers here. I asked for advice years ago about a rental property I inherited as I was a first time landlord learning the ropes and wanting to find out everything I could so I could do the best things for my tenants. got called an evil money grabbing scum landlord and other horrible stuff. Put me off posting for years. I stick to commenting rather being an OP now.

What I generally see a lot is when people don’t like what has been said as in they disagree or have questioned the post the person then either gets personal, rude, generalising, aggressive or name calling.

So if I said for example I hate cricket in response to why do people love sports I may get:

You are insane cricket is amazing
You must be unhinged to hate cricket
You clearly have been living under a rock if you don’t know how important it is to some people.
etc etc et

Some people hate when you disagree with them and aren’t mature enough to respond like a grownup.

Not to sound stalkerish but I'd say you are one of the most reasonable, measured and thoughtful posters on here, PermanentTemporary

Yes in a past name, ive been bobbing about here years nothing phased me, but a thread about where to have a coffee got me, I suggested a "chain place" because it was near where the op was staying, another post put in a laughy face and said was that my idea of "nice coffee" she was a total cowbag, and i stormed off for months .

I usually get told that I’m making it up I start a thread.

Yes. Mostly just getting to see people be openly hostile towards disability. It’s hard enough to live it. The comments that get me the most are when someone says something is “laughable”. Like the request for consideration is so ridiculous they are going to laugh at it. I try to remember it says more about them than about me, but sometimes I just lock myself out for a bit.

No. I don’t take any of it seriously, never have. I joined in 2006, omg.

me three.

i protect myself by never starting a thread, as that's like lambs to the slaughter.

my field of fucks is completely barren, I don't even bother to reply if someone gets caustic with me, Their purgatory to have such a troubled mind.

I took up Stoicism years ago and it's been a game changer.

It’s the word twisting I can’t stand, you give a tiny detail and someone decides they know your life better than you do

For example -

DH and DS are at loggerheads, what do I do?!

reply - Oh I bet he’s his step dad, isn’t he? I bet he treats him like a second rate houseguest, doesn’t he? I bet he has him locked up Harry Potter style under the stairs, doesn’t he?!!!

Er no…

And then, even if the reply is half truthful, ie yes he is his stepson, it then totally derails the whole thing trying to defend the “shitty stepdad” simply for asking for some normal family advice

"I feel sorry for your children."

This was said to me once, can't remember why...nothing drastic. Made me want to put that poster on their arse. If you said that to someone in person, they just might.
I've seen it said multiple times on here and it's often uncalled for.