What's the worst hospitality you've ever had?

[Arniesaxe]

Not a TAAT but I was on a thread recently where a lot of people were saying they wouldn't expect any snacks, if they'd visited a friend for the afternoon 90 mins drive away, and that just one cup of tea would be sufficient. Many disagreed, saying that if they were the host they'd have at least biscuits/cake or savoury snacks and plentiful drinks for their guests.

I have a very recent example where I travelled for around 40 minutes to visit a friend who was having a gathering and me and other guest I'd come with were not even offered a drink at all! It was fine, I was obviously driving and other guest I brought doesn't drink alcohol but even a glass of water would've been more considerate than nothing at all.

Also I once visited friends in order to go out for the day for food/drinks/trip around the town. Planned to stay over as longish drive and we'd likely have wine with dinner. When I got there, they'd changed their minds and decided to just stay in, watch TV and drink wine. I love wine, but sitting about at home drinking it in the middle of the afternoon is not my idea of fun and I wouldn't have visited them had I known that was their plan, not my thing at all. That was also about an hour and a half's drive. It really affected our friendship.

I am the opposite, anyone visiting even to drop something off or such will at least be offered a tea/coffee even if they're only coming in for five minutes. If I have guests I make sure I have what they want and I fulfil expectations with very little exception. If I am having a proper gathering I try to cover all eventualities, I'd rather have ample leftovers than anyone leave my house hungry/cold/sober thirsty!

I hope they didn't have kids??

I honestly think she was very well-meaning and would've been mortified if she had known how cold, sore and uncomfortable I was. I was a very painfully shy child (abusive father) and just didn't want to say anything. She had 3 girls both friends sisters older than me and my friend and was quite probably overwhelmed Friends bedroom was tiny too and I had this tiny space on a wooden floor and a blanket that was more like a hessian sack. 😆 my friend back then wasn't a very nice child too, I cannot quite remember why but I was upset as well as all of the above. Her mum probably hadn't a clue about any of it. I couldn't wait to get home!

we did discuss one person going to the nearest town to buy some sandwiches but felt it would look rude if someone disappeared.

TBH I wouldn't have worried about appearing rude as they were rude enough not to host properly.

No, this was way before kids but I do sometimes wonder how people would cope with actually putting someone else's needs before yourself

Holidaying a few hours away from home.
A friend of a friend lived in the area we were visiting.
Invited us to visit in the evening saying she would cook us an evening meal.
One pizza between seven of us.

Invited by a relative for lunch.
She had two french bread pizzas in the oven.
She took one out,ate it then ate the second.
I didn't even get offered a drink.

Same relative invited me to Xmas buffet.
Spoke to her on phone a couple of times a few days beforehand saying as I am vegetarian didn't want to pit her out so I could bring my own food.
No wouldn't hear of it etc.
Buffet ready I ask what I can eat she says I didn't have to time to faff I had all this to sort...no a single thing for me too eat.
I asked if she had bread and cheese and I would make myself a sandwich,was told no.

School class invited to a party right after school for a few hours.
Parent said there would be plenty of food for kids and parents.
She spoke to me and said I know you are a vegetarian but no worries there will be plenty for you.
I offered to contribute...no need.
Women goes round the room offering everyone one hot dog in a roll.
Looks at me and says you won't be able to eat this.
No other food .

@cleanasawhistlewere you kn good terms with the mum in the 3rd scenario? It sounds like she did this on purpose

2nd and 3rd same person and a close relative.
Definitely done on purpose,likes a power trip...been no contact for many years now.

Oops sorry I meant the person in the last scenario. Why would she make a point of saying there'd be plenty of food for you then say you can't eat that & give you nothing else

Many years ago, DH and I went to visit my dsis and her partner at the other end of the country. We were staying for five days so we sent money for our food (enough for a week's shop) so she wasn't out of pocket, but where it went to, I don't know. Breakfast was a bowl of cereal, lunch was a packet of that pasta and sauce you add milk to between the 2 of us, and dinner was something like a vegetable stir fry. No desserts offered, no snacks, nothing. At one point, dh and I went out on our own and got fish and chips - not something we eat ordinarily, but we were starving. If we had just landed on them snd expected them to feed us I would have understood, but we had sent them plenty of money for our food and I felt quite upset by the whole thing.

No desserts offered, no snacks,

TBH, I don't tend to do desserts and snacks anyway, but I would offer more and nicer food at mealtimes.

This one is awful too. I'd have been embarrassed. Did they give any explanation for it?

I agree with you. As you were driving you can’t sit in drinking!

No explanation. I wasn't happy and told mum what had happened, and relations between dsis and I were a bit frosty for a while. It was more the fact that I had sent money and that amount of money certainly didn't transfer into food - and a week's food money was a lot for us back then and when I sent it, dsis acknowledged it was a generous amount. It just felt quite wrong from a close family member.

Me too generally - but I do tend to if I have visitors and if I don’t then do cook really good quality and quantity dinners

Dh and I and 3 kids were invited to stay with a friend overseas. We suggested a nearby hotel but they absolutely insisted we stay with them. We ate out in a nice place first night and we paid for all their food and drink to thank them for hosting. Then we realised that we were not allowed have food in the house. For 4 days we ate every meal out, with the exception of one breakfast where the host made such a fuss of having bought the food and telling us how much it cost, dh paid for their lunch that day to make it even. It was very obvious our friend's partner didn't want us there and there were discussions in front of us about whether we had their own cheese or the guests cheese. There were lots of rules within the home which we tried to respect of course, but they were complex and sometimes ridiculous. The couple had an argument because i had asked my pal for an extra hanger and apparently was given the partners hanger not a guest hanger, there were loads of hangers available but they weren't the 'right ones' therfore partner couldn't hang up their coat, hence the row. We were having a bottle of bubbly on the balcony but had to leave because of the hanger argument. We still see them a bit as they come home a lot but I am always a bit on edge and genuinely worry about what kind of relationship my friend is really in. Or maybe it was just they couldn't cope with guests, I don't know.

Same.

If I'm hosting, visitors will be offered coffee/tea and biscuits for snacks, and a nice dessert. If someone sent me money in advance of their stay, I would make absolutely certain I spent it on feeding them well, or I would offer it back. DH and I still joke about sharing a packet of pasta and sauce when we see them on the supermarket shelves.

I would feel hugely embarrassed if someone had sent me good money ! Some people honestly have no shame , and those same people can sometimes be comfortable financially too -

We never ever stay with friends or family ,even if they offer , after a spectacularly depressing Xmas a good few years ago in a freezing house and with multiple rules from a very very houseproud relative and no town on doorstep to just escape to -

I drove 4 hours for a meeting and wasn’t offered a coffee. On the way back (same day), I stopped at the first service station. Shocking, in retrospect.

My dsis is lovely (it's all behind us now), but she is...let's say, careful with her money!

I once drove 7 hours to the top of Aberdeen to see some friends and to stay. Arrived exhausted at 9pm and they reluctantly made me a sausage sandwich. It was very weird

Oh I think you are too kind - lol - sounds as if she’s tight Asa ducks arse- glad it didn’t sour relations though

A really young waitress was once bringing my fish and chips over to me. The fish slid off the plate and fell on the floor. The waitress picked it up quickly and said “ooh 5 second rule” and put it back on my plate. Her boss saw and came over and apologised and gave me a
new meal. Poor girl genuinely didn’t know she was doing something wrong. It made me laugh though.

A few years ago friends were popping in with kids while travelling past, they phoned an hour or so earlier. Dh asked DS to run up to the shop and get a little treat. He came back with a loaf cake, a long life one with 1000 ingredients. The guests arrived and presented a similar loaf cake. Dh was in the toilet at that moment. When we made the teas and coffees, dh opened the guest's cake and said 'sorry for the cake, DS picked it out. It looks like awful cheap shit..' It was so embarrassing but also hilarious. Poor Dh, there was no recovering.

I had planned to stay over to be fair, for various reasons including the length of the journey, probably going to want wine with dinner (out, so I thought!) and a loose plan of meeting a friend the following morning.

But I hate drinking during the day and sitting about doing it with nothing else going on especially is just not something I like to do. And they knew/know that!

No judgment, if they want to spend a day getting sloshed and relaxing fair enough. But it isn't what I expected and I just think it impolite to arrange a guest to visit and then totally change your plans without considering them at all. Not something I would ever do. I went to the supermarket, got myself a bottle of wine and some food, and had very 'itchy feet' all day and just kind of amused myself with my phone and my thoughts until they began to make noises about dinner and then I had a couple of glasses of wine with them (they were obviously inebriated by then). When I had first got there, I asked what plans were, what time we were heading out etc and she just said 'We've decided not do to that now, just going to stay in'. If it happened again I think I'd have just said 'Oh? Not for me thanks, I will have a coffee with you but then I will head off'. I could've had a much nicer day at home by myself! But considering that, I think I would feel rude, like they thought their company wasn't good enough for me or something?