What's the worst hospitality you've ever had?

[Arniesaxe]

Not a TAAT but I was on a thread recently where a lot of people were saying they wouldn't expect any snacks, if they'd visited a friend for the afternoon 90 mins drive away, and that just one cup of tea would be sufficient. Many disagreed, saying that if they were the host they'd have at least biscuits/cake or savoury snacks and plentiful drinks for their guests.

I have a very recent example where I travelled for around 40 minutes to visit a friend who was having a gathering and me and other guest I'd come with were not even offered a drink at all! It was fine, I was obviously driving and other guest I brought doesn't drink alcohol but even a glass of water would've been more considerate than nothing at all.

Also I once visited friends in order to go out for the day for food/drinks/trip around the town. Planned to stay over as longish drive and we'd likely have wine with dinner. When I got there, they'd changed their minds and decided to just stay in, watch TV and drink wine. I love wine, but sitting about at home drinking it in the middle of the afternoon is not my idea of fun and I wouldn't have visited them had I known that was their plan, not my thing at all. That was also about an hour and a half's drive. It really affected our friendship.

I am the opposite, anyone visiting even to drop something off or such will at least be offered a tea/coffee even if they're only coming in for five minutes. If I have guests I make sure I have what they want and I fulfil expectations with very little exception. If I am having a proper gathering I try to cover all eventualities, I'd rather have ample leftovers than anyone leave my house hungry/cold/sober thirsty!

Again, another person who can't ask for something?

You went every week for 6 weeks and never once asked for a sandwich? Never brought something once it was clear she wasn't providing etc?

We were invited to a wedding, with an invite to the reception following the service, in the village hall. We all walked to the hall and I kid you not - there was an urn with tea and coffee and plates of biscuits on undecorated tables. There were no chairs. And before anyone asks, no they were not hard up!
I really wanted to take my gift home, but it was too late!!!

Because it seems cheeky and rude?

I did start taking lunch for us both after a few times. Still wasn’t offered a drink. Thankfully I only went once a week.

After having my SIL and BIL round for dinner several times, we asked what time would be convenient to drop off her birthday present. Come on Sunday at teatime! she said and I thought she was inviting us for dinner. When we arrived, SIL and BIL and his brother were there. They were just finishing cooking and BIL said "I hope you're not hungry because we haven't got enough for you". I thought he was joking, but the three of them sat and ate their dinner and we weren't even offered a cup of tea. We didn't invite them to us again.

I even ask the Tesco delivery man if he’d like a drink….

This is gob-smackingly awful!

I cannot imagine a scenario where you cook for your own dc and not for a visiting child! What was your sil thinking?

My friends daughter is vegan, and has been vegan the entire time she has been with her boyfriend (three years ish?).

The boyfriends mother always ‘forgets’ that she’s vegan and doesn’t even offer any vegetarian food, so at family gatherings she always ends up hungry.

So rude.

So your friends daughter needs to stop going,or take her own...

Did you never ask for a drink?

Well, host was happy to be rude to guest 🤷

No, too polite. Thankfully I could get one at work.

Nobody comes to my house and has to ask, although most know to help themselves too.

I once went to a wedding not as a guest but as a favour to a friend of the bride (to play an instrument). It was a budget wedding so wasn’t getting paid but was happy to help out. My friend didn’t tell me that the groom’s family were connected to a low level gang family so there were some scary looking characters there (all knuckle dusters etc). I was invited to the reception in a nearby working men’s club. They’d actually forgotten to include me in the numbers so when I got there, there was no seat and they offered me two low bar stools, one was meant to be ‘my table’. Out of solidarity, my friend (who’d got me into this!) pulled up another stool and joined me.

They’d been planning a buffet (some of it hot) but the oven broke so all the groom’s family were running to nearby houses to ‘borrow’ microwaves. They served up warm onion bhajis and chicken nuggets and then just as I was about to eat, a knuckleduster came over and told me in slightly menacing tones he needed my ‘table’ (bar stool) so I was sat there with my friend, perched on a stool trying to eat soggy bhajis off a paper plate. At the loss of the ‘table’ I decided they really were taking the mick so we made our excuses and left.

Drove straight to a lovely pub and had a delicious meal! They’ll teach me to do favours for strangers. 😂

It was work and without sharing more details I wasn’t in a position to ask.

DS and his long term girlfriend. They are both in their 40s. I was waiting for a hip and knee replacement and was on tramadol in a lot of pain and only able to walk with a frame. Im ok now Ive had the ops and back at work.
I got a frantic phone call from him asking me to drive him hundreds of miles. I cant say why its too outing any anyway isnt really relevant. His girlfriend refused to drive all that way for some reason and he doesnt drive.
Drove him back to his flat that evening after driving all day absolutely wiped out and was unable to drive the three hours home as my hip and knee were agony and I needed to take pain killers I cant drive on...opioids.
His girlfriend who never made even the slightest pretence of liking me didnt like this at all despite the fact Id done them a massive favour.
They looked pissed off and didnt ask if I was hungry or needed a drink. I had to ask for a coffee and a piece of bread. They said I could sleep on their 2 seater sofa as they had only one bed and didnt offer me a blanket, a pillow, nightclothes or anything so I had a horrible night shivering on this tiny sofa im my clothes.
No breakfast was offered in the morning and I was just expected to leave.
Ive refused to help with anything since and so they've cut me off.
I spent 10 years bending over backwards for them, never interfering and this is what I get.
He wasnt like this before he met this horrible woman. Hes also cut off his lovely grandparents, my siblings who also love him
And the whole family.
She doesnt have a family. They have all treated her really well but she's constantly bad mouthed all of us. I hope DS comes to his senses.

That’s so sad and hurtful

@Watchingthechaseagainyou really expected someone off sick to make you lunch?? Surely (despite her cooking for her pathetic partner) you should have brought HER lunch!
My story is driving three hours to see friends in their new home. I was breastfeeding at the time so starving. The male half was an excellent cook, and a vegetarian. We anticipated something delicious. He brought out a spinach salad, which was nice enough but 95% spinach, no bread or anything. We assumed it was a starter. But no that was it. No dessert either. I could tell my DH was getting increasingly hangry (he didn’t know them, they were my friends) and was signalling to me when was a polite enough interval to leave. Luckily the baby was getting fussy so we made our excuses and left, heading to a pub on the way home! It was odd as I’d been out for meals loads with the female half and she had a healthy appetite!
Another time friends of my DH who he had met abroad and were seconded to our city invited us for Sunday lunch. They gave us roast lamb, which was beautifully cooked. But I think they’d had some sort of miscommunication between them as while he cooked the lamb, she appeared to be in charge of everything else. We got tasteless puréed cold vegetable soup - literally cooked, cooled and wizzed up without a grain of seasoning or stock. It was thick and tasteless. To accompany the lamb we got a green salad and slices of white supermarket bread and butter. It’s like she forgot completely. The lamb was great though, but it was very bizarre.
I do make an every other year trip to another country and visit relatives (my age) while there. They are reasonably well off, and as I only see them every other year and even then have to travel an hour and a half to see them from where I stay, one might expect a cooked lunch, or at least some effort. But it’s always a couple packets cooked meat, a few rolls and supermarket Cole slaw and some leaves. All laid out in their packets on the counter for us to help ourselves. Enough food but really? Then we sort of perch on bar stools or a couple of us at the kitchen table. This time we invited them to us - I made my signature lasagna, a big salad, homemade garlic bread and a fruit pie. Delicious!
My kids were friendly with the neighbours’ kids and occasionally she’d (sahm) ask if they’d like to stay for dinner and I couldn’t understand why mine were so reluctant. I knew she was very health conscious and thought maybe she didn’t give them enough food (her kids were always asking me for food when over). But my kids said no, that it was more she’d give them pasta with … a little bit of soy sauce. And that’s it. Plenty of money - big house, four kids and two nannies! Fruit they could have. But nothing else for dinner.

Well as she fed herself three times a day and cooked him dinner I thought she may have offered a tea or sandwich, or even water. . Or even said feel free to make a tea. It’s not that she couldn’t move.

It's incredibly rude to invite a vegetarian or anyone with specific dietary requirements for a meal and not cater for them.

Or maybe her future MIL can get with the game plan?

Shes not ‘too busy’ or suffering any mental health issues, she’s just self absorbed…

Stumbling drunk to the car with children sounds awesome.

This is a generational thing. If you have an allergy or medical issue of any type, I will accommodate it (of course!). Ditto religion.

How generational?
I'm 67 and can easily make delicious vegan, vegetarian, gluten free or any other dietary requirement meal.

My MIL. We used to drive long distances to see her and stay. Never had milk in for tea or any edible food so the first thing we’d do is a supermarket shop. She’s a lovely woman and I still don’t understand it. But she does have a very bad relationship with food so I think that’s probably why. She lives round here the corner now so it’s much easier. There have been some memorably bad ‘events’ hosted by her. One time she invited the whole family and, to be fair, had bought enough food (ready meal chinese type food) but there weren’t anywhere near enough plates/cutlery. Some people just can’t think stuff through…