What's the worst hospitality you've ever had?

[Arniesaxe]

Not a TAAT but I was on a thread recently where a lot of people were saying they wouldn't expect any snacks, if they'd visited a friend for the afternoon 90 mins drive away, and that just one cup of tea would be sufficient. Many disagreed, saying that if they were the host they'd have at least biscuits/cake or savoury snacks and plentiful drinks for their guests.

I have a very recent example where I travelled for around 40 minutes to visit a friend who was having a gathering and me and other guest I'd come with were not even offered a drink at all! It was fine, I was obviously driving and other guest I brought doesn't drink alcohol but even a glass of water would've been more considerate than nothing at all.

Also I once visited friends in order to go out for the day for food/drinks/trip around the town. Planned to stay over as longish drive and we'd likely have wine with dinner. When I got there, they'd changed their minds and decided to just stay in, watch TV and drink wine. I love wine, but sitting about at home drinking it in the middle of the afternoon is not my idea of fun and I wouldn't have visited them had I known that was their plan, not my thing at all. That was also about an hour and a half's drive. It really affected our friendship.

I am the opposite, anyone visiting even to drop something off or such will at least be offered a tea/coffee even if they're only coming in for five minutes. If I have guests I make sure I have what they want and I fulfil expectations with very little exception. If I am having a proper gathering I try to cover all eventualities, I'd rather have ample leftovers than anyone leave my house hungry/cold/sober thirsty!

Why is someone’s belief in a deity more valid than their belief that eating animals is immoral? Makes no sense.

Yes you’re absolutely right. Critical thinking fail on my part.

A group of us who'd been friends since school plus partners used to meet up regularly. We'd always aim to meet out somewhere but one couple would almost always drop out last minute with a feeble excuse about why they couldn't travel (car trouble, husband feeling a bit under the weather - he drove, she didn't and she couldn't be bothered with public transport).

However she would get upset if we went ahead without her, so we fell into a pattern that we usually ended up changing the plan and going to her house at her request. We'd travel, bring wine/beer and she'd lay on some party type food - bread, cheese, crisps, cookies etc.

One evening we turned up and there was nothing at all to eat. She said crossly that she was fed up with always paying for the snacks. (We were a bit gobsmacked as we had regularly tried to go out-out or take turns hosting but she was so insistent that we came to her. It would have been helpful to know in advance that she'd moved the goalposts again!) Luckily it was nearly Christmas and I had brought some home made mince pies. Someone else ran to the local pub and got a few packets of crisps to share out. The next meet up we insisted on eating out. They didn't turn up!

Another family we know make absolutely lovely meals but dole out tiny portions. They are all very slim but healthy looking so it's not done them any harm but we are used to eating a bigger plateful and I really have to pace myself so it isn't gone in 30 seconds flat. I think that's just me being a piggywig though!

When I was a young teen from a council estate, my mum and other neighbours always fed people including our friends - it was always warm and friendly going in and out of neighbours’ flats. Later on, I went out for a day with one of these well fed friends who lived in a very naice area, we returned to her house at dinner time, she went to the dining room with her family where they all had dinner whilst I sat in the living room. After they’d all eaten, her dad made me a tea and offered me a biscuit - I was very hungry and took two. For some time, she reminded me that I took two biscuits.
Years later, she gave a children’s party for her son, we all brought presents - which is what she wanted - she had one multi pack of wotsits as party food for everyone. Another mother phoned for pizzas to be delivered.
Both she and her mother were tight bitches - eventually I realised their meanness reflected their mean spirits.

Any time a member of my family makes a trip to see DB, SIL and DNiece (a 4 hour round trip, at least) we are always instructed “dont forget to bring the food!!” for ALL of us to eat.

Best one was January time, where they were calling me asking why we were late to which I replied well we are in the shop getting food!! No heating was put on all day so we were all shivering. When we did go out for coffee they all just sat down and gave myself and my parent their order. Not once did they offer to pay for anything or make us any food

My friend once asked me to attend a wedding with her as a plus one, and it was shockingly hosted.

We attended the ceremony and then drove to the reception venue, which was supposed to have part 1 in the ‘secret garden’ (risky choice since it was September) and then part 2 in the marquee for the dinner.

What happened was the wedding party went to another location for photos, and as they had 10 bridesmaids and groomsmen each, that made up most of the guest list. So the rest of guests had to stand around in a field, in our coats (as no one was allowed into the marquee) for 3 hours. No drinks were provided beyond a table with a few pallets of Costco bottled water. There was no bar. my friend and I eventually just went and sat in her car for an hour whilst everyone waited for the (very late) wedding party to arrive post photos.

Wedding party arrives and some canapés come out into the garden. They have 4 types of canapés on offer, but just one tray of each. The second they arrive, the wedding party jumped on them, so once the staff took the one sad tray of canapés around the garden, they could only get around 1/3 of the remaining guests before they ran out.

Finally went into the marquee for a buffet style meal. One bottle of wine on each table (to cover 8 guests per table!). There was no bar and no more wine available. The wedding party however brought thier own drinks/bottles of spirits and made a not very secret attempt to hide them under some side tables by the buffet and help themselves to them as often as they liked. Alcoholic drinks were also brought out specially for certain tables with the ‘uncles’ seated at them, but none for the guests. Again, no bar, so no option to even buy your own drinks.

people were invited up to have the food in table order, we were table 12 of 12, so most the food had run out.

My friend could not stop apologising to me and in the end we decided to go home by 7.30 (along with quite a few other guests) because it was so awful.

My in laws are like this, bless them. They never have anything in, it's so weird, they eat like sparrows and we always have to order in so we don't starve.

I also had PPD and when my mum came over at 2 weeks PP she moaned because we hadn't given her any food for the 2 hours she was there (I made her tea etc), when I said ' well we do have a newborn baby, mum' she said 'Well I'm sure you still eat'.
Actually, no I wasn't eating as it was all I could do to not cry every second but that's nothing to my mum.

Unfortunately I have been to quite a few weddings that were under-catered. This one IS particularly bad though! I hope they knew why you left!

Some people are shockingly self-absorbed! I would like to think I would say "Erm, the only reason you buy the snacks is you do not exert any time money or energy meeting up, unlike anyone else!" but in reality, I would probably just seethe and hope someone else said it!

I just accept I'm in the minority and don't like to make a fuss. Most of my friends go above and beyond but it's never expected.

Packed the five DCs and clothes for us all for four days into the car after breakfast, and set out on the nine hour trip to see the ILs. Stopped at 1pm to fill the tank and grab some fast food, use the loo, etc. Set off again and encountered one slow construction zone after another, with the result that the nine hour trip turned into eleven hours.

The ILs had no food for us, not even sandwich fixings. They had not cooked for themselves either, just had leftovers themselves, so even if our trip had taken the nine hours, we would have had to do what we ended up doing at about 9pm, which was head out to try to find a takeaway.

You wouldn't need to make a fuss if I was hosting. I always ask guests about food preferences and dietary requirements.

I enjoy hosting, and friends and family enjoy visiting because they know they will get fed and watered properly.

I was teaching in Istanbul and had come back to the UK for the summer hols. I was staying with a friend the next town over, as I wasn't able to stay at dad's house. One day I took the bus to visit my dad, and then sister who lived nearby. She had a 3 bed house, just her and her husband, but I was not invited to stay. Got to her house, and
She eventually and grudgingly offered a cup of tea, and nothing more. I realised I would be late back to friend's house for dinner, so asked sister if I could use her phone to let friend know (this was before mobiles). She said 'I suppose so, as long as it's a local call'. That was my last visit. I have no idea if she's dead or alive now.

'No good deed goes unpunished' comes to mind! How rude of them! To be fair, sometimes 'knuckle-dustery-people' are as polite and hospitable as anyone else IME, suprisigngly! I often find the well-off 'posh' ones are the ones who aren't. At least you got a good excuse to escape!

This is true, if you genuinely don't think you can manage a dietary requirement effectively (although I don't personally understand this!) then at least let them know so that they can bring something, or help you!

I went to a large BBQ recently where two pescetarians turned up, bringing a couscous salad and some other bits with them. Host told them to not bother and to take it back home as they had enough vegetarian bits/salads etc.

I think they'd brought the bits for themselves to eat though (along with the other guests) as they ate the veggie burgers and sausages I had brought for myself. Luckily I lived close enough to go home and snaffle some more bits out of the freezer, but I hardly got anything to eat because they ate most of it themselves! Host shouldn't have turned their food away.

On a similar note to those saying that people had been struggling with their MH on some of these occasions, I went to a friend's once who invited me over for drinks and snacks to celebrate her getting out of a long stint in hospital.

She said she had two bottles of champagne for us and had made cake. I turned up and absolutely nothing was in the fridge and after I'd been there around an hour, I realised that she was clearly still very unwell.

Unfortunately, by this time I had had a class of the bubbly I'd brought myself, otherwise I may well have made my excuses, drove home and rang the hospital. I was also worried about her. It was a small flat and I sneaked to the bathroom to ring the hospital/111 but they were no help whatsoever, said if she's been discharged that's that. She was unhinged and talking about attacking people, and at one point rang some bloke and invited him and his friend over, describing me as pretty and saying his friend would like me! A plan that I thankfully was able to talk her out of by saying that I just wanted to spend time with her without others. She then decided she wanted a lesbian experience with me.

I was meant to share her bed that night but I was scared! And also she never went to bed at all, stayed up dancing around and chanting. I slept on the floor with one eye open and left at stupid 'O clock the next morning, not before she'd asked me for a lift to Morrison's so she could buy champagne. I said I would take her to Morrison's later but it was currently closed!

Not a tale of hospitality per se but rather the broken MH system of this country! She was back in hospital not long following.

Drive four hours to house sit for someone and they let us in, didn’t offer us a drink and just left us sat in the kitchen for two hours while they went off to finish their packing 😂

Country appears to be stuffed full of utter weirdos - prime example is on very recent trip to Germany - at several lovely cafes in Dusseldorf and Bonn I asked if I could have a bit more butter , came back with enough x 5 - and a nice smile and chat here in many places they bring you one extra patvand look at you like you have 2 heads

At a friend's wedding with DH and DD (then aged 4). DD was a flower girl so definitely specifically invited. Wedding was an all day event with a sit down lunch and evening buffet. When the lunch was brought round the waiter informed me that there was nothing for children under the age of 5 as the bride and groom said they would be bringing their own food. The wedding was in a rural venue miles away from anything and the caterers had brought the food in from elsewhere. DH and I ended up sharing our (very small) lunches with DD so we were starving until the buffet arrived quite late in the evening. There had been no indication beforehand that children were not being catered for and although we had brought a few snacks for DD just in case it was not enough to replace a meal (and really planned for her to eat them at tea time if the buffet was late).

I have never felt I could bring it up without causing offence but often wonder if when she later had her own children she realised that toddlers really need quite a lot of food and parents don't bring it with them to events like they would for a baby.

I imagine most people would know that?

Small children actually do eat food shocker?

Different if she'd have discussed it with you beforehand! Could the kitchen not have summoned something up, even something basic would've been better than nothing.

I stayed over at a friend's house after we'd been clubbing. There was NO MATTESSS on the bed, just the base. I was far too polite in those days to say anything. I probably would now. This is the same friend who picked me & OH up to go bowling (it was on the way). Her OH got completely off his face & started being abusive. They then left so she could take him home. Just left us there to make our own way home. Um, cheers for that. Didn't bother with her after that. I really do wonder how some people have any friends at all

I had my fair share of similar scenarios while younger!

Just, embarrassing isn't it. So many people's lives are full of chaos and they tend to flock together.

I remember two instances well from when I was a child. One time, I had hurt my ankle on a sleepover at a friend's. Her (very lovely) hippie-like Mother told me that lavender was 'very soothing' and wrapped it in bandages with stems of lavender encompassed into them. It was sharp, prickly and very uncomfortable and I was too shy/polite to say anything.

On top of this, I was to sleep on my friend's floor. The floors were hard floorboards that had just been painted and I was so, so uncomfortable. I remember laying there unable to sleep, with my ankle sore and throbbing and being dug into by these branches with a spindly woven blanket thinking about my lovely bed with its continental quilt. Could not get out of there fast enough the following day!

Another time I was at another friend's house where she asked her Dad to make her a tin of spaghetti hoops with some sort of meatballs/hot dog sausages in. Then she sat there eating it not offering me anything. My Mum was annoyed as this friend had had plenty of home-cooked meals at our house.

There was no on-site catering, everything had been made off-site by the caterers and brought over ready cooked. I did ask the waiter if we could perhaps have some bread etc from the evening buffet but apparently it was being brought in by different caterers. The venue was just a building let out for events and all the staff were hired in for the evening. We were not the only ones in the same position and we did discuss one person going to the nearest town to buy some sandwiches but felt it would look rude if someone disappeared. I don't think I'd be so polite now! The lunch was very small portions anyway so DD ate most of ours. I really have no idea why no one at least warned us that children were not being catered for- friend is usually a good host.

That first mum doesn't sound very lovely!

That’s so horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you x