What's the worst hospitality you've ever had?

[Arniesaxe]

Not a TAAT but I was on a thread recently where a lot of people were saying they wouldn't expect any snacks, if they'd visited a friend for the afternoon 90 mins drive away, and that just one cup of tea would be sufficient. Many disagreed, saying that if they were the host they'd have at least biscuits/cake or savoury snacks and plentiful drinks for their guests.

I have a very recent example where I travelled for around 40 minutes to visit a friend who was having a gathering and me and other guest I'd come with were not even offered a drink at all! It was fine, I was obviously driving and other guest I brought doesn't drink alcohol but even a glass of water would've been more considerate than nothing at all.

Also I once visited friends in order to go out for the day for food/drinks/trip around the town. Planned to stay over as longish drive and we'd likely have wine with dinner. When I got there, they'd changed their minds and decided to just stay in, watch TV and drink wine. I love wine, but sitting about at home drinking it in the middle of the afternoon is not my idea of fun and I wouldn't have visited them had I known that was their plan, not my thing at all. That was also about an hour and a half's drive. It really affected our friendship.

I am the opposite, anyone visiting even to drop something off or such will at least be offered a tea/coffee even if they're only coming in for five minutes. If I have guests I make sure I have what they want and I fulfil expectations with very little exception. If I am having a proper gathering I try to cover all eventualities, I'd rather have ample leftovers than anyone leave my house hungry/cold/sober thirsty!

My close friend and I invited a couple of new friends round to hers for dinner and a film. We cooked a nice curry from scratch, baked a cake and provided snacks for the film. One of the new friends said she would reciprocate about a month later. My friend went to hers (I couldn’t go on that occasion) and there was certainly a film but absolutely no snacks or drinks of any kind whatsoever. My friend said she made her excuses and left!

I remember ages ago my friend invited me & dd for 'brunch'. To me that is a cross between breakfast & lunch, maybe toast, fruit, pastries, bacon baps etc. We got there & were given a croissant! Another time she looked after dd for the day while I was working. All dd got given all day was a jam sandwich. When I looked after her dd on the other hand I'd make sure she had a proper lunch (I don't do jam or Nutella sandwiches, particularly for a preschooler) & she even asked for seconds. She was a pretty selfish friend in many other ways & always late so I don't see her any more

I think that that family member had predicted it, taken a flask and had a hearty breakfast/brunch!

I remember being called greedy once at work, when I was working in a pub as a student. Night barmaid had rang in sick, so (on top of my lunch) I asked the kitchen staff to make me another sandwich for later as I wouldn't get chance to go home to eat, as I'd said I'd cover.

Well, more specifically I was called 'You Greedy Bugger!'
I know some people are happy eating once a day but are they so in their own world that they think everyone else is too?!

The food they gave me was mouldy. When I noted it politely they scraped the mould off and handed it back.

Having fed a friend, her kids and husband on several occasions she finally invited me and my kids to eat after school one day. She asked if we all liked Spaghetti Bol, which was a yes. Spaghetti Bol was in fact a tiny amount of minced leftover roast pork, some tinned tomatoes and pasta. In tiny bowls, luckily! It was hideous and I was so proud of my kids trying to eat it. I was stupid enough to invite them for a Sunday lunch on another occasion. They arrived empty handed, cheerfully glugged the wine we had, served themselves huge portions and the husband proceeded to fall asleep on the sofa for 30 minutes before suddenly jumping up and saying righto, cheers, we need to get going. And off they went. I literally do not get how people can be like this - do they not notice the vast difference in what they gobble up compared to what they offer?

SIL informed us all a year before her big birthday/ retirement that she’d be having a party to celebrate.
Sent out ‘save the date cards’ and said no elderly relatives would be invited so we could all have a good time. The party/open house was going to be held at their home.
Three hour drive so we booked overnight accommodation.
Got there at 3:00 to find the food was a large selection of cheese and cured meats dotted about on different plates with a box of crackers.
I was the nominated driver so no alcohol for me because at least I could enjoy the food!
We were gone by 7:00 so we could find a pub and have a proper meal.
Honestly what a waste of time and money, we know not to bother again.

I think if I was in someone’s house and they didn’t offer me a drink, I would just ask. Family or a close friend, I’d offer to put the kettle on. Anyone else I would ask for some water.

If I had invited someone round I would buy food to cater for them, but if someone just dropped in, they tend to get offered toast as I don’t habitually have biscuits or cakes in the house.

At both MIL & GrandMIL I have never been offered a drink of any kind whilst visiting. I’ve been with DH for 26 years.

Obviously must be how they’re are raised as neither have ever considered it polite.

Ive wrote this one before on another thread - we were
once invited by MIL for Boxing Day tea - she made 3 roast potatoes to share between 6 adults & 2 children (luckily my child was still breast feeding) that was a miserable Boxing Day.

Surprisingly she often comes for food at my house and even takes home left overs!!! Some people just lack etiquette.

Inviting and fully paying for a friend to come all inclusive to the Caribbean for my wedding (don't want to say where too outing). Lavish, no need to spend a penny on anything the whole time. Then the odd time I used to see her (she never gave my her new address for some odd reason), I would go the pub she was managing. Not once did she ever even give me a soft drink or tell me not to buy a drink. It wasn't the money, I just felt it was taking the .

My sister in law struggles with hosting. If we visit we have to bring a packed lunch or get a takeaway for everyone! We have stopped visiting now.

First Christmas with the in-laws. Arrived, ex and his dad fucked off to the pub, me and MIL made polite chit chat, no offer of even a coffee.

Eventually had dinner, completely standard Sunday lunch but no dessert because ‘nobody wants that’.

I do. It’s Christmas fucking day! Not a cracker or a tablecloth or anything insight. I’ve never felt less celebratory.

Drove 200 miles to DH’s family, got rerouted en route by them to his sisters mother in laws . They were all eating Xmas left overs on Boxing Day and sat down when we arrived. SIL goes “I’ll stick a pizza in for you guys in a bit” so weird. We were stood there whilst they all ate then had to wait for our pizza. (Nb there was plenty of leftovers!)

My SIL had a christening for her DD and invited us, my PILs, her family too . Saw the empty table and offered to put the food out . In the fridge was a plate of sandwiches and a small cake .Opened bags of crisps and nuts . This for around 12 people . My MIL had made a quiche thank goodness .
Same family we flew over for my BIL 50th birthday . Arrived , had a cup of tea and a bun because told there was loads of food for the party. Yep, about 3 packs of M&S meats , two packs of tiny sausage rolls and the inevitable bags of crisps and nuts . Again at least 12 people . I got very tipsy as no food and scarfed the rather small token cake .
Funny thing is that she loved to come to my house for dinner , ate large portions and stayed for hours . And MIL also hosted very generously. I don't think they mean to be miserable just don't seem to know how to cater for larger groups . Think she was raised quite frugally and it was normal . We have just got used to either eating on the way or bringing food with us .

Mine isn’t family - it was a gig we did ( we manage the band) in Portugal - this was a show for 1300 people in audience at around £55 a ticket - so around a £60k take for the promoter- when band fee and venue hire in total was around £14k - the band catering was bits of soggy breaded chicken on plates, a bit of salad and some custard tarts - our rider states, full hot meal with 2 choices plus salad bar and sandwiches , crisps and fruit for afternoon soundcheck and a team of 11 people. !! Oh and the taxi’s didn’t turn up next day to take us all back to airport. Had to sort out ourselves. Unbelievable, still we refused any other gigs with him

Rubbish!

They unilaterally changed the goalposts. From a day out and about, to a day getting sozzled in front of the telly. How would that have been "a lovely day still"?

We were invited to DPs brother and sister jn laws fof long weekend. We flew down eith dd aged 3.
They were to collect us at airport around 7pm and said dinner would be ready. They didn't how up to airport and didnt answer their phone. when we got there by taxi, in the middle of nowhere, there was no-one in.
Eventually they answered phone, they'd gone out for dinner but would immediately return and bring us food. We waited an hour in the dark outside their house.
When they got back, they had brought a tiny bag of their left overs, 2 pieces of chicken. We're veggie..
I asked I could make some toast but they had zero food in the house. No bread, no cereal. No tjns of soup, beans. No pasta, no rice. Empty ccupboards. Some oat milk and orange juice in fridge and some bottles of beer.
DP asked if we order in z takeaway but only place close enough to deliver was shut. Nearest large supermarket was about 30 miles away and close to closing. Theyd both had a couple of drinks and no taxis available.

All we had was some rice cakes, a couple of baby bels left in dds snack box

We had to make our own beds and the part of the house we were in had heating off.

Got up next morning and no food. We'd agreed night before thst wed head out early snd get breakfast somewhere. Bil and Sil had already gone to gym which was miles away and we had to wait but they said they'd be straight back. 2 hrs later after they stopped to get their breakfast! Brought nought back. We asked about food but they said that on a Saturday then napped after gym but would head out for early dinner around 5pm. Refused to deviate from their routine or give us a lift. The plan to head out to local sights were shelved but we could use their home cinema for the few hours.

Dp went mad and it basically was that they never ever cook or make food. They always eat out and never really get takeaways. If hosting they use caterers or a private chef.
They simply dont snack and occasionally have fruit. They eat 2 meals a day, breakfadt and dinner.
They hadn't considered or thought that they might have to do something for guests.
We got a taxi to nearest big town, had lunch and then caught buses and a train back home.
So unwelcoming but they just couldn't see that.
Money was not an issue, really not. They are incredibly wealthy, we are very much not.

That is totally terrible but doesn’t suprise me - what rude people they are -very many years ago I nannied for a comfortably off family who just never had any food in for me to feed the kids ( 4 and 2 at the time) and myself - I used to end up buying food out my wages for the kids and me- they were real oddballs, highly intelligent and posh , but totally self centred and I think the kids were simply a nuisance to them . After that nothing suprised me !!

Visited my sister in law and husband- "come around for a chinese, the treat's on us " they said. She nipped out and came back with a portion of 4 very small spring rolls and a bag of prawn crackers-for 4 of us!

This is just shocking! What did your DP say? I'd have been so embarrassed to haev taken a partner somewhere where something like that happened.

Edited to add, and what was their reason for reneging on collecting their guests from the airport?!

That's neglectful behaviour. Couldn't imagine that, my cupboards are always stuffed, despite being a skint single mum. I always have lots of shelf stable food in and get twitchy when things start running low.

we visited BIL and SIL then an hour's drive away when eldest DD was 4 or 5.

SIL made her own young children at the time lunch and gave them a drink she did not offer DD a drink or any lunch.

I waited for 20 mins and asked her if she could make DD lunch, she made excuses claiming she did not have any more kiddy type food in ( a lie).

I left and took DD to McDonald's for lunch on the way home.

Another time SIL hosted for MIL's birthday. There was one standard quiche to serve 12 adults, one bag of salad leaves, one small tub of coleslaw and for pudding we each had a chocolate mini roll with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream dolloped on top.

one cup of tea offered in six hours.

The 8 children had a plate of 8 chicken nuggets to share and that was it. No crudités or sauces/ mayo or salad along side it.

I do wonder what goes through SIL/ BIL mind to host like this. It is most definitely not a money issue. They are just tight and SIL/ MIL still believe in serving the men ( slightly) more. Any event that involves food at their house means DH and J making our excuses to leave early and buy dinner on the way home.

Fool be you for not taking anything. When my in-laws were alive, they were approx 5.5-6.5hr drive away. We would visit twice a year. They were objectionable people in every way.

I would take an esky full of wine, and drinks/food for the kids. We would leave home 4/5am and arrive around 11am. When we arrived I would crack open a wine for myself and DH, and food/drink for the kids, as they were pathetic hosts, and I needed alcohol to cope with them. DH would have a few drinks until lunch then stop, so he was under the limit for the return drive. I’d keep going with bottles until stumbling to the car at around 4/5pm when we left. Meanwhile we’d make sure kids were fed from snacks and esky as grandparents had zero idea that kids needed feeding/drinks that were not tea/coffee.

This was the only time I did this with wine when visiting people or having people at my house. They used to tell people that they believed their son was married to an alcoholic 🤣🤣🤣.

My thoughts exactly! Not something I am ever interested in doing (and these people know me well and I am certain are aware of that) but even if it were, changing plans so drastically when you have a guest coming, and not thinking to tell them about it is very rude IMO. Not something I would ever do, and I would ask, not just tell them, and definitely not just tell them once they'd arrived, happy at the prospect of the original plan that they'd agreed to.

'I am an alcoholic, but only twice a year'

Why wouldn't you just ask for something to eat/ drink when it was clear nothing was forthcoming?