Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

If you did that she'd be punished even more harshly as soon as you left.

These disgusting humans have acees to as support things most Sen parents dont ,,I'm devastated for this poor baby

If she treats the poor child like this openly, I hate to think what happens behind closed doors. Please, please report.

I reported a (now-ex) friend who was a foster carer to SS. I observed low level neglect of her children and the foster child - haphazard with bothering to feed them, foster child left in a nappy for way, way too long and getting nappy rash. Calling the foster child be a slightly mean nickname in private - a joking name that's okay normally, but highlighted the child's reason for being in care and I was uncomfortable with.

Then she injured her own child, told me what really happened and then lied to the school. A group us friends, concerned for her and trying to work out how we could offer support, discussed the failures we each knew of, and between us there were so many. She'd been careful not to let any one person know the extent of it - a lot of neglect and physical abuse of her own children.

I reported it to the school, and then called SS. Obviously that was the end of the friendship but she continued fostering. She was a very good liar with Olympic level skills at playing the victim so I imagine I was painted as an aggressor out to ruin her life. I'm happy with that - well not happy, but at least I'm satisfied that I did what needed to be done.

You know what you need to do phone the police and child protection now.

This is an absolute no-brainer as much of this constitutes abuse. I am sometimes on the fence about reporting to social services/the police, but not in this instance, I would report in multiple places and I also could not be friends with someone who did these things to a child.

Please update us you need to escalate this now.

There are other ways of reporting this sort of thing. You don't have to go directly to the agency. You can contact social services. You can call the NSPCC. You can call the police.

Just because a foster carer is with an agency and not the council, that doesn't mean the authorities can't do anything.

Glad you reported it OP. Fingers crossed something is done to remove the girl from their home and put her somewhere safe.

I don’t believe 90% of the threads on mumsnet!

Where is @Diddybeans4 ? Drinking coffee?

Why do you say that?

Report them. My dad was in care when he was younger and when he tells me about how some of them used to treat him I wasn’t to hunt them down. Please report them and keep hounding about it. I like to think it’s gotten better since my dad was in care but it hasn’t. A lot of them are still money obsessed sociopaths who see damaged children as paycheck.

Also I would never speak to this woman again and I would make sure anyone who asks knows it’s because she abuses a venerable little girl who’s likely been abused her whole life.

The foster placement will have been arranged though the LA Children’s Social Care team. This will include social workers and admin who deal with various issues under the social care umbrella and will include arranging foster placements, care orders, child protection/safeguarding etc. There should be a number on the council website which is for first contact and for anyone to report any concerns about a child, whether they be with their natural parents, foster or adoption. Any child who is fostered will have had previous social care involvement and there will be full details on the LA database to be accessed by the call handler and your concerns sent through to the correct department. There may also be an online form you could complete.

Would you let a young girl stand outside in the cold for an hour?

Sadly, you could be right!

Not only CAN you report this, you SHOULD. We, as adults, have a moral obligation to protect children. Not sure if that's official elsewhere, but where I live that message comes from The Scottish Government. Either way, of course you must report this, these adults should not be looking after vulnerable children. Also, doesn't seem like a nice person to be friends with? And are the other young people in her care actually okay?

Of course you should report it. Ring social services for children and explain the situation. If that’s what they’re doing in front of you then imagine what they’re doing behind closed doors! Bless her.

Are you seriously saying you don't think this is real because the child was left to stand outside in the cold for an hour? Do you really believe that sort of thing never happens?

I take it that you therefore think the deaths of Maria Colwell and Victoria Climbie didn't happen?

She reported it to police over 12 hours ago. How do you suggest she escalates it?

No, I absolutely believe she was left outside for an hour. What I fail to understand is why the Op allowed it!! Ffsake, I'd have told her in no uncertain terms that she was being cruel

I believe you.
A friend and her db were fostered years ago by a policeman and his wife. They were thrown out of house all day and neighbours fed them. They were malnourished. He got jail apparently? This was a long time ago. Nowadays they'd be flagged up quickly (hopefully?)

I'd be very clear with the police that she is your friend and you are loathed to have to do this, that you've seen no indication of abuse towards the other children but that she needs to be urgently removed, that what uou saw was horrifying and that the kid is in danger there.

Jesus. Report to anyone and everyone. That poor little girl.